h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No pressure to catch the 7.24.
Catch the 9.06

Office looks pristine. Coffee machine might be working but so delighted with office looking pristine didn’t feel the necessity to avail myself of any noxious liquids and early morning nicotine break.

Office is currently being refurbished by HR so not looking great as HR has little artistic talent and is seriously challenged in the project management department. We have had three fire alarms in a week; normally we have one a year.

God is in the shires, assistant has crisis with something to do with 'run on the banks' ...he doesn't need to work and the pittance he is afforded means I can't shriek and demand his presence.

Hmmm strange space.

Luxury space. Feel like I am at a spa hotel in the country - without a man...what happened to pressure?

Check voice mail. God in the country thanks me for something I have suggested as an 'innovative idea'. Fine, no idea what the innovative idea was but praise is always welcome.

Check emails... all porn is relegated to 'look at later' bin, nothing else really demanding.

Rummage through yesterday's ideas and send emails off to people that could make them happen...not sure that a reception for 'Pricilla Queen of the Desert’ will wing it past the higher Gods but know the members would appreciate...send it to 'pending' and half heartedly look up contacts for Cameron; it's not till March after all.

Re-organise files on computer, well shuffle them around so they could possibly be understood by my replacement should I fall under a train and make tomorrows headlines in the not too distant future: 'mother of two throws herself under the 6.06 from Waterloo, class a drugs not ruled out'; at least they look neat.

Check invitations.

Mansion House, White tie dinner next Wednesday. OK haven't been there before, Angela might have a frock I could borrow, fine let's tick the box.

Lords Cricket ground October. Black tie dinner with Graham Gooch as guest speaker? Isn't he a rugby payer? Best Google. Oh no he played cricket, that'll be why it's at Lords. Why have I been invited? It's a charity fund raiser, can't be for my money, perhaps they think I have connections?

Stop it that's mean, they are truly altruistic souls.

Several Art gallery preview invitations...all impossible to get to on the district and circle line and next week I have highly promiscuous gay lawyer friend arriving on Saturday and his idea of a good night out is closer to Soho than surreal...actually possibly not but in an entirely different understanding of the context.

Read. Oh how glorious, the luxury of actually reading, as opposed to skimming, perhaps finally, after four years of fire fighting, I can begin to do what I have a tiny talent for. No questions please, I'm sure I'm good at what I should be doing.

PM: assistant arrives, intent on filing. No chance there is a trade show at Billingsgate, I am bored with filing and assistants should have some fun

'Exhibition in Billingsgate lets go'.

He is intent on filing.

'Free booze and food and we can file on Monday!' (Friday is my 'work from home day')

The food wins

Next to shopping, exhibitions are my most hated excursions.

It is packed. Young people, keen enthusiastic and intent on 'making a sale'.

Bored to death.

Assistant is suffused with admiration.

'How do you do it? They are trying to sell you something and you get them to buy?'

'Blonde and tits honey, oh and I'm quite good at my day job.'

Evening: Cook dinner for two of my best girlfriends. Bearing in mind I don't do cooking was appalled at the price of food in the supermarket, how come dinner for 3 costs £50?

Delightful evening

Having asked about my love life...null points (how sad that I have become the focus of vicarious sexual activity, and even sadder that I have nothing to report), we meander down holiday memory lane and they decide I have to document the skinny dipping episode, the mad sister who is 'so not having an affair' week, and the 'I'm never going to Morocco with her again unless you come too' holiday.

Tomorrow is 'work from home day' and Saturday gay lawyer arrives.

Snot factory is receding, I visit the Duchess in the morning, Kathy Lette has agreed to an interview and all is reasonably well with the offsprung...well actually there is a bit of drama there but that will have to wait until the Chardonnay has left the system.

Hopefully by then wit will have returned.