h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Devilishly quiet. Hasn't been a decent ruckus for ages

Blast!

Can I offer my services? I have been know to enrage the odd anally retentive numpty in my time

Oh I forgot, there was a fuss over a dog thread. I got the blame for that, even though I was just walking past at the time.

Seeing as how you're back -

Apparently Jeremy Beadle was found dead next to a single glove. Detectives don't know the exact cause of death but think the glove had a small hand in it.

Ah...now that's what I've missed

You been boiling cats too I notice from a modded thread Will you never learn?

Flippin eck, I'd forgotten about that too

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on
him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the
predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.

Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN DON'T YOU EVER STOP"??!!

Very classy

What do you call 12 hootooers in the back of a Land Rover?

A damn fine days shooting

Ooh, do I get to choose? I reckon both my feet would be in there first.

Arf Arf I knew I wouldn't have to spell it out to you

Is there escape committee still round here? I hear tell the guards are using listening devices these days

We cut the ears off the guards. Haven't you seen lil's necklace?

Is that a euphamism?

Crikey!!!! I seem to have set something rather unpleasant off on the word association thread Have things really come to this?

eep it's been a long time airy