h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One of my oldest friends, the one who first started calling me Rains all those years ago, has declared he doesn't want us to be friends any more . I'm more or less OK with this, which surprises me - I don't normally let friends go easily.

It's a long story. I think part of it is because since the wedding, I haven't been able to instantly drop everything I'm doing to spend hours on the phone talking him through things. He got miffed if I couldn't instantly give him my full attention; even if I was in the car on the way somewhere, already visiting another friend, cooking dinner, running a bath... if I couldn't give him my instant undivided attention, he interpreted it as an instant rejection and got hurt .

He's drifted into several jobs; each time it was going to be long term so he could pay off his debts, but after 3 months he'd get bored and demoralised and quit to go back on the dole . He'd complain about having no money, and wonder why I told him to either a) see a doctor as he might be depressed or b) get another job. He decided to trade in his admittedly dull but economical and reliable car for a faster, flasher one. He asked me if he should buy it, describing the car and the few issues it had *when he bought it*, and I advised him not to buy it. Of course, he bought it and it cost him no end of money to repair, and eventually he sold it at a loss barely 3 months later.

He also started chatting to lots of girls on the internet, moving on to ringing them and texting them, and he seems to be having phone-sex relationships with *all* of them. And then he would send me texts detailing quite intimately and physically what he'd got up to .

So, I told him I didn't agree with having all these girls on the go at once, especially as he told me none of them know about the others - and I asked him to tone the detail down. I mean, if Dave had got texts like that off another woman, it would have annoyed me!

And then he came back with the "I think we should stop being friends" thing.

I think that's OK. I can't remember ever having sensible advice off him; I rang him, talking about some trouble I was having at work, and he ignored it and made fart jokes (which are funny in their place, but not then). He was rarely there when I needed him, and if he was there he rarely listened to me for long. We had some good laughs, and some good times, but they date back to when we were younger and we could spend hours playing computer games, and we didn't have responsibilities and life getting in the way.

I wish him well; I hope he sorts his head out. I hope he gets back in touch some day. But it feels odd calling myself by the nickname he gave me, when he's no longer a friend.

I just don't know what to call myself instead!

It sounds as though he has done you a favour, by either not being friends or having a break as friends, he clearly has his own issues on the way he sees life and wants to do it his way.

As for your name Rains, that might have been the nickname he gave you, but to us you are also Rains, so why change it, you have friends here as well

Aw, thanks BK . Because I haven't met anyone on here in real life (stuck in the midlands rather than London), I sometimes find it hard to think of the people I talk to on here as real friends - how daft is that?

I think he's done me a favour too - and as has been said on the "How much do you drink?" thread, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

PS - there's nothing wrong with your name, either .

I have met no one either from here, but you dont have to met them for them to be friends.

In some cases that probably the best way

I have spoken to many on here and class them as friends as they chat and talk about anything, thats the sort of thing that makes this site good

Havent really chatted to you before but we are now, there is no arguing no fighting just chatting, there is a friendship already without even realising it

I also don't feel there's really any need to change your name (I did it recently but only cause of stalkers). Your friends on here still know and love you by the name of Rains, but if it really feels strange, then I guess you'll have to do it.

I'll see how it goes, mostly because I can't think of another nickname - funny how I never really realised how many people know me by this name on here.

I really miss being on here, and I love chatting to everyone - it's a real communnity on here, and it is special.

Hope all the hassle you've had recently has gone away and it's calmed down a bit

Oh dear! Sounds like he's not worth your time and effort, though

So don't let him dictate what you can and cannot do!

We love you as Rains

PS thanks for your kind words today on the "What are you Thinking " thread.

No problem LS, I hope you're having a better day today .

It's actually quite nice; whenever my phone rang, I used to groan as it would invariably be him, and now my phone doesn't ring and I get some time to relax . Funny how you never realise just how much of a drain some people are until they go away .

I'm going to stay as Rains, anyway

Rains is an elegant name, and am glad you are keeping it

Busy at work again today then Rains? (Me too, as you can see).

Didn't we have a discussion about you changing your user name when you got married? Given that Rains was derived from your maiden name, if you didn't change it then, I don't see why you should now.

Liz

Rains, sounds like you have grown up and he hasn't, and that you're so much better off without his demanding 'friendship'.

It seems to me that he possibly thought of you as someone who "belonged" to him which, especially once you married, is somewhat disturbing. I think he needs professional help, and that you're better keeping out of his way until he realises this and does something about it. Perhaps in some future time, when he has sorted himself out, he may have the grace to apologise for the worries and stress he has caused you.

As for Rains - I'm glad you're keeping it as you nick for H2. It has a nice ring to it.

When I got married I considered changing my name here to match my married name - but as it would have to be something like Rumbo, I considered that a bit butch for me .

I was telling my parents about him last night and they said pretty much the same as you. Wise words indeed .

I'm busy, but entering data onto a user-unfriendly system makes my brain squeak, so I have to keep coming on here to let my brain wind down .