h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One rite of passage for those who move to Key West, as opposed to those who were lucky enough to be born here, is the bestowing of the Honorary Conch Certificate. Basically, it means the people who live here have decided you can stay. God help you if they decide that you shouldn't.

The criteria are simple: you have to live here for seven years before you are eligible. Now, anywhere else on Earth that might not seem so hard, but with the here-today-gone-tomorrow mentality on this island, seven years is a loooong time.

In seven years, I have had three different apartments sold out from under me, and two of the new owners doubled the rent overnight. We're talking maybe 250 square feet costing $1500 a month. Just like Manhattan. Only, the wages here are nothing like the wages in the real world.

The great company that I worked for got sold, and five years of my time, committment, and soul resulted in a layoff note.

Hurricane Georges was my 40th birthday present. We haven't had a real one since, but we gear up every September for the big one that is going to blow us all to Kingdom Come.

And while we get some of the most fantastic visitors in the world here, there are more than a fair share of the biggest jerks in the world here every year, too. The balance seems to be tipping, but maybe that's just me.

So seven years is a lot longer than you would think. When my friend called and told me that he had arranged for my Honorary Conch certificate to be presented on my birthday, I had to do a stock-taking and figure out whether I thought I had earned it or not.

When I got there Sunday, and saw all of the friends who had showed up, and the 90 year old Mayor Emeritus of the Florida Keys, Wilhemina Harvey herself, there to present the award to me, I realized that every blessed minute of it has been worthwhile. These are some of the best friends I have ever had, and I have learned to appreciate the true meaning of the words "best friends."

That lesson was worth a little hardship. So say hello to the latest Honorary Conch in Key West!