h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Watching the extremely expensive waste of money that is the State Opening of what passes for Parliament nowadays. Time for a change?

Charlie pulled the warped and flakey front door shut with a horrible scraping noise and made sure it was double locked (not that it would stop the little scumbags on the estate who had already robbed him of his few belongings three times this year!) And carefully stepped over the burst bin bags on the landing.

Wouldn't do to get bin juice on his almost new trainers. Not today. Big day for Charlie.

Picking his way through the junkies and homeless people on the concrete stairwells, Charlie unlocked the small garage, praying the ancient Ford Fiesta would still be inside.

The rust-bucket started on the third go and, in a plume of exhaust smoke that made the estate's eco-warriors throw a few bricks, headed off towards Westminster.

For the hundredth time that morning, he checked his pockets for the regalia that was required.

Baseball Cap of State - check.
Radiator Key of Maintenance - check.
Knitting Needle of Justice - check.
And, obviously the Royal Kagool was drying out on the back seats.

Pulling into the Sovereign Gate for the State opening of Parliament, Charlie swelled with pride and welled up with tears of regret.

If only his mum had not lived til 120, maybe he would've got to enjoy all that pomp and ceremony the Old Royals had wallowed in.

But that was another time, another England, the People Had Spoken (again) and taxpayers money had dwindled then stopped.

King Charle's Fiesta shuddered to a smoky halt as the heavens opened and a new government prepared for office.

Question: If Charlie's Mum lived to be 120, wouldn't that mean that Charlie was nearly 100 himself? Seems to me that he must be pretty spry at that age. Just sayin'.

(I had to look up the word "kagool.")

Yup.

I'm sure there are a lot of 98 year olds surviving out there without palaces and millions of quid.

I love it.

It reminds me a bit of the planet Betazed in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. Lwaxana Troi is a gabby older woman who is 'Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed and Keeper of the Sacred Chalice of Rix'.

Her daughter says, 'Mom, the Sacred Chalice is an old clay pot you keep in the back of your closet.'

There's an old saying: 'Sic transit gloria mundi.' Yep.

I may have misunderstood your story then, FWR. Charlie, your main character, doesn't seem to be living in a palace. If he drives an old Ford Fiesta, it's by choice rather than necessity?

No probs, written for my own amusement.

"Knitting Needle of Justice - check."

The Royal Kagool

You weren't the only one who was amused, FWR.