h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

not saying

there was a nice horde collecting under the floorboardslarder stocked for months

Whatever you stocked up on I don't want any bound to be contaminated with mercury

it's all edible (strong stomachs needed)

You didn't barbecue a live hampster, did you?

Noooooo!!!!!!

MMF

Not Elton's little cousin Fred???

...'minds me of a time I was laid up in the wild wood for six weeks with a busted hip. I'd fallen off a log that looked like it was only 3 feet off the ground, only it proved to be fifteen feet, landed badly on my hip, fortuitously missing the spikes of deadwood sticking up all around... (Whew! Could have been worse.)

A 'sneaky Pete' hip fracture. Seemed okay until I rolled over on that hip, later that night and something went "Crunch!" inside.

At any rate, it was six weeks before I could back pack out again. I already had abundant fuel stored up and adequate supplies.

I amused myself by tending the fire and making things like yogurt and fudge candy and deserts.

Then, a moment came when I spotted a white mouse raiding my chicken feed pudding. My ears stood up. jaw dropped open, I slavered. ...and then, I found, I had forgotten to pack the mouse trap...

a howitzer would have done a better job than a trap

...wouldn't have left much mouse to toast on a spit over the fire...

So I had 25 pounds of mixed cracked corn and sorghum chicken feed, five pounds of dried buttermilk powder, four pounds of pancake mix, five pounds of Crisco shortening, ten pounds of sugar, 8 oz of cocoa powder, 50 pounds of 1 inch diameter wild apples cut in half and stored away in powdered charcoal (gathered wild), 25 pounds of fermented brown kelp (gathered wild), a quart of yogurt, and 1 whole chicken in a can.

The temperature was a constant 60F/16C, it was raining constantly. I was getting my drinking water by means of spreading plastic on the ground where the rain pooled.

The chicken feed worked best pre-soaked overnight before being worked into biscuits or porridge or pudding (chew thoroughly). A handful a day of the fermented brown kelp, boiled, was my basic vegetable. It gave me a ravenous appetite for sweets. The chicken I saved for Christmas dinner.

...and I must say that mouse looked awfully tempting when it turned up about the fourth week...

I did have my emergency bear killing gun, but that made little difference restricted to within ~ forty feet of the hollow tree I was living in.

did you charge it board and lodgings ?

It only visited two days running, at the same time each day, helping itself to my goodies in full view, but safely out of reach of any rapid response on my part. Perhaps and probably it had never had experience of human beings before.

"probably it had never had experience of human beings before"
it would love it in here then

Was there a Yorkshireman anywhere about?

of courseif it's edible! just slap it between 2 slices of bread

Triquack, w'all, one of my g'g'g'g'g grandpa's immigrated from Yorkshire back in 1798.

Not very many other people, besides myself, about, derivations unknown.

Prof, if hadn't forgotten the mousetrap (I usually pack one), that's what I'd intended.

we (Yorkshire folk)beat Columbus to Americabut came back home, we'd forgot the black pudding

Pre-Columbian voyages to north America, other than: the Chinese (Documented. West coast trading voayages only.); the Norse (substantiated with archaeological findings); Saint Brendan (Stipulated.); the Portuguese (Well established.); The Welsh (Still studying this one.); The Phoenicians (Controversial.); The Polynesians (Established beyond any reasonable doubt.); The Hindus (Supported by traditional Hindu literature with good longtudinal fixes and the pre-Columbian establishment of sugar cane culture [native to India] in Mexico.); The Cambodians (significant evidences of cultural diffusion); etc..

I have seen some significant information on 14th and 15th century pre-Columbian English voyages to America and there are some archaeological evidences (unconfirmed) to support this. I'm always looking for new info on the topic.

For that matter, there was a planned voyage, co-comissioned by Louis the 12th of France and Henry the 7th of England (both of them Tudorians) for 1491, that fell through for some reason, allowing Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain to steal a march with the 1492 voyage of Columbus. The French and English were back again quickly, in 1495 with the voyage of John Cabot. (By the way, did you know that Prince Henry the Navigator of Portugal and Queen Isabella of Castille were both Lancastrians, descendants of John of Gaunt?)

Ha! they only copied us for the glorywe're too modest to bother about the history books