Who I am!

I posted this as a reply to a conversation about 8 years ago when I first joined h2g2, and I was advised to put this on my page, it's a start!! :-D I discovered how I know when I'm happy a short while ago, I found myself singing along with songs on the radio at the top of my voice, grinning like an idiot, knowing what I want to do now and being generally lovely to everyone, even if they cut me up in a supermarket queue, I wasn't bothered (much!), but I was still smiling at the end of it, how cool is that?! I haven't been miserable exactly, don't get me wrong, but there was just something not quite right about how I was feeling, and an old friend of mine sat us down with a bottle (or 2 or 3!) of white wine, had a really good chat, and a laugh, and he sort of gave me permission to do what I want with my life, to be who I am and just to allow myself to be happy! Not to be constrained by what other people think I should be, but what I want to be! I feel happier now than I have in a long time, and I think it just takes someone to give permission for you to be happy, that probably sounds really corny, but it's worked for me! I run my own business, I have my own (dinky!!) one bedroom flat, I don't have all the "trappings of a modern lifestyle", I don't have children, because I chose not to a long time ago, I have a partner who at the moment is the other side of the world (he's waited 10 years for me, another 6 months won't hurt!), I don't fit the criteria of a modern up & coming "female executive", but I'm happy!! I'm also planning on joining my darling in NZ at the end of this year, he's asked me to marry him, and I've got my fingers crossed!! I also think that proper love is something that develops, not at first sight but after working out how the other person ticks (I sound so cynical for a 35 yr old!!). I don't think that life is just summat that happens to us, I believe that we can make life happen, at least to a certain extent, I certainly hope so anyway!! Anyway, that's my philosophy on life, and it's worked so far, I hope it helps someone else someday too! Lonnwy x


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