h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Large defence manufacturer. Shipbuilding. Scotland. West Country. Hmmm...I wonder who that could be?

Am I being at all astute here?

I see what you're getting at, but they were all different jobs!

Are you in the industry then? We might know each other

I couldn't possibly admit to that. I don't know a Dave McKay.

Does the number 45 mean anything to you?

OK you're freaking me out now!

45???!!!

Hokay...20X?

I have a horrible suspicion I'm being awfully slow here, but no...

Hmmm. Filton?

ABW? LPD(R)?

Ooch!

Do you have long red hair by any chance?

Not any more...

So to whom am I conversing!!??

No real names here!

But I believe I may have been on Fearless with you.

Oh christ, that was years ago! I don't remember much, except LCVPs, lots of very cheap beer and getting no sleep for three days. Oh, and the tranquility of Loch Ewe.

So, erm, what's the significance of 45 and 20X? Were you a chippy? Where is this vital clue I need to piece everything back together

Type 45 is run from 20X, FTN.

Me - a Human Factors guy who spent four days all at sea in both senses of the phrase.

I remember going up to Loch Ewe. I had friends who lived nearby, in Badachro, outside Gairloch. One was running a pub and staged a lock in. Thus it was that I turned up at a map reference point (luckily, it turned out to be by the sea!) with a crushing hangover and not a clue what was going on. Then, out of the mists, an LCVP appeared...

Were you the BAe chap who got sea-sick!!??

I have to say that your memory and powers of deduction are nothing short of astounding - there are rather a lot of Scotsmen working in the defence industry in the west country. But I was working for the MoD at the time on the LPD(R), Fearless' replacement. Hence my apparent blindness to the T45 and Astute clues!

I think I was supposed to be on a user-requirements-analysis type fact-finding mission, but that bit took all of half an hour. And believe me, you weren't the only with a hangover that morning. I'll need to dig out my photos...

Incidentally, I think I was involved in PR of your Ergononics entry; if only I'd known!

No...I wasn't seasick. But I might have spent a lot of time hiding in my cabin because I didn't know what i was supposed to be doing!

I see. So the rumours were all unfounded

I would've done the same, except I was sharing a cabin the size of my bathroom with three other blokes and it wasn't a particularly nice environment . Spent a lot of time above decks watching the scenery though.

You know - I believe I may have a photo of you in the bowels of my desk. I was digging out old stuff for a presentation last week and came across some with your ex-colleagues on. Also of my arse disappearing into a hatch. Do you remember a RM Mater at Arms with a startling resemblance to Saddam Hussein who made me carry a Bergen along the assault roures? It's become something of a folk legend.

I'll have a delve some time - only for a while I'm working darn sarf most weeks. 'Inglan' is a bitch' (Linton Kwesi Johnson) - especially when you have to fly there on a Sunday evening (but flying back on Tuesday to see The White Stripes )

Hmmm. I actually remember very little; it was a long time ago. I too have photos though, although having moved house about 16 times since then they might not be easy to find...

And think yourself lucky, some of us have to stay down here all the time!