h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think i've known for a while now that Earth is not my ho,me planet, but I can't remember where I'm from.

have you any suggestions?

I'm from Alnitak - it's one of the three stars that make up Orion's belt and it's quite close to Ford Prefect's home. Bellatrix is his direct neighbouring star.

oooo. lucky you. you know where you're from. maybe i'm a klingon. but not sure.

Oooh, you with the green skin and pink blood...
Greetings!

something like that. it's very cold here so i'm a bit blue at the moment though.

It's actually rather cold by us too. And just 2 days ago the temperatures were reaching 38 degrees C!

it's barely above freezing here. and it's very windy so that doesn't help.

a couple that go to my church are from South Africa and had gone back over Christmas. think they're from somewhere near Kaiamandi (if i spelt it right). the tan they have is scary.

I've lived here all my life and I still can't spell those place names either!

I've desparately been trying to catch a tan myself these past few days, but everytime I try, the clouds come out!

noooooo! poor you.

though count yourself loucky. you can get tanned here, but only in sunbed things. very bad for you apparently.

Yeah, apparently they are. Yet with all the sun we have here, people still use those like its going out of fashion!

why? do they want to die?

i know of people who go off for holidays to the sun but have to go to the sunbeds first so they aren't white when they get there. what have i missed?

Yip, it's kinda embarrasing to be seen snow-white among all the tanned people, but most of those tanned people are self-tanned themselves! So if everyone just went to the beach looking like they usually do, they would be mostly untanned!

yeah it is really daft. but then you hear of people who use the fake tan from a bottle of stuff and end up all blotchy or stripey. even more daft.

I've done that before!!!
I bought one once that was lovely and came out perfectly, but it cost me a fortune, and then just before one of my dance competitions I really needed a tan and it was winter so there was no sun and I had run out of that self-tan and just bought myself another cheap one. Oh my word I was ready to cry the next day!!!! I looked hideous! I had gone a horrible blotchy ORANGE! I had to do such a hectic make-up job all over me that it was ridiculous!

that sounds scary. poor you! think of the lessons though - stay away from the bottled stuff. thought people still use it.

i could never be bothered with it. i've tried it a couple of times and i still looked white, and a bit blotchy red where i'd tried to rub it on more. not good at all.

I've got a friend who insists on using it and he always looks an odd red colour...

oh please no!

it's worse when you turn out orange or red or something. as it strips weren't bad enough!

And blotches!!!
And it doesn't even fade decently! If you use one of those hard stoney things, you can actually rub it off.(you'll look like you've been tortured afterward, but at least you'll go normal colour sooner!)

BTW, what time is it by you? It's 9pm here by me.

it's nearly 7pm for me. still haven't had my dinner yet.

yeah, i've heard bleach is good for getting rid of fake tan. but probably isn't too good for the skin.