h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi,
It just occurred to me that I need to get out more. Today I thought I'd pop off to New York and pay a visit.

I see that you are assembling a volley of entries - I hope you don't mind that I read a few. EB White is one of my favorites, but I particularly enjoyed reading about those that I'm unfamiliar with. I'm looking forward to seeing these in PR.

Speaking of volleys - I've noticed that easterners in general, and new yorkers in particular speak this way (volleys of words, I mean). I didn't notice it at all until I left the east. I found that I couldn't understand people out here because they just speak too slow. The accents aren't a problem, only the time between words. Then recently, I met a retired New York cop who just moved here. He let loose a stacatto stream of words punctuated only by brief pauses and I wanted to hug him for it.

So anyway, it appears that you might write in this fashion too. Very good. Imaginative work too.

Oh well, gotta go, bye

*Watches line slide by* y don't bite lines, cuz sneaky humans hide hooks in them.

Oh well... *CHOMP*

You originate from the East Coast? How on earth did you ever move? *drops voice* I hear they're uncivilized out there... But seriously - someone once gave me a good explanation for why the entire rest of the USA thinks New Yorkers are rude: in New York, if you pause for a second, it means you're done with your thought. Out west, it means you're pausing for a breath. This can lead to miscommunication issues, and the illusion that New Yorkers always interrupt.

The entries are for a Uni project and of course you can read them - that's what they're there for! But hopefully they'll be in PR soon and you can pile on the criticism, PR style.

PS: you gotta be kidding. One parentheses is far worse than none. It's like when you start a subordinate clause, which of course should be surrounded by commas and you never put in the second comma.


Here - from me to you -

)

Well, perhaps one is worse than none. I was thinking along the lines I imagined Eeyore would - you know, 'Hey, Eeyore. Look. We got you some parentheses, but there was a hole in the bag and now there's only one left.' We next see Eeyore looking at his reflection in the pond with a parenthesis dangling from his ear.

But, I see what you mean. Thanks, I feel completely parenthetical again.

Yes, it is utterly uncivilized out here. Everybody's friendly, but that's not really a good measure is it? Hinder-sniffing canines are friendly too without being particularly civilized. No, it's opposable thumbs that make a civilization. Wait, we have those out here, but when they're not busy placing a pinch of tobacco behind the bottom lip, they're mostly used to turn radio dials to Rush Limbaugh. Obviously, I need to think about this some more.

Anyway, the main reason I moved out here (New Mexico) is because of its natural beauty. The desert really is gorgeous. The other reason is car alarms. We don't have them out here. Can you imagine that? I bet not.

I moved out here from DC, which is southern backwater by NY standards. But I can tell you that even as y'all as DC is we sound like too-tightly-wound-clocks out here.

Oooh, I finally thought of it! Subs - Grinders - Hoagies. By any other name, that's civilization! To think I traded them away for silence. I'm an idiot.

Back when I was learning grammar, they said if you can't do a parenthetical statement right, don't do it all. The pedants. Obviously they never thought of a parentheses as an ear pendant. I really feel like my horizons have been broadened now. If I had holes in my ears, I fill them with punctuation. PS: I'm almost serious. Has anyone thought of marketing a line of grammatical jewelery? My purpose in life is revealed.


My entire knowledge of the American West comes from a brief visit to the Yellowstone area at age 12 and from listening to Hypatia describe the crackpots who (one can conclude) populate Webb City in its entirety. The first left me with the impression that there are lots of elk and not much by way of multiculturalism, the second that something in the air has the same effect as loco weed. Rush Limbaugh just proves it. Wow - the frontier has closed, but civilization still hasn't closed in.

...no car alarms? I suppose everyone has a garage with a motion detection system?

I've seen Phred's photos of the area. Drop-dead stunning. And I remember Yellowstone - first time I was ever speechless from beauty. I'm one of those city folks who think the subways are picturesque and absolutely adore some well placed litter, but I must admit, the most audacious panhandler doesn't hold a candle on a good desert. Could I swap a subway system for a Joshua tree, though - not sure. Not like I've had the option yet, anyway.

DC is rather small. Their subway system is clean. I always believed that a clean subway is a sign of disuse. The traffic lights though - those are great. I learned that I can jaywalk an avenue in three seconds in Washington DC. If they put those timers in New York there would be competitive clubs running in no time.

I've heard Texans talk. It's truly awful. You mentally finish their sentences for them after a few words, and their paragraphs after a sentence or two, and you have your response ready by the time they finish half their thought, and the conversation is practically done by the time they pause for a breath, but they don't seem to realize it. Do they speed up a bit on West coast - California/Oregon/Washington area?

>>Has anyone thought of marketing a line of grammatical jewelery?<<

I haven't heard of it - you ought to do quite well. The key, I think, is to find some interesting jewelry and give it a hook. Include, for example, a nice little card from the artist that says, 'Looking through early works of Dorothy Parker, these lovely dangling participles were inspired by them.'

>>the frontier has closed, but civilization still hasn't closed in<<

That is very well said I must think about that one

DC is rather small. In fact, it would be comparable in size to maybe one of the boroughs, wouldn't it?

Texans are slow of speech - impossibly slow. Curiously, in California/Oregon/Washington area you will find a midwestern accent to be common. That's for the easily-guessed reason that so many people have moved there from the midwest. Particularly to Oregon and Washington as these were the destinations of the pioneers, who generally started from St Louis. Settlers in Texas essentially never left the south. I could go on about this forever, but not to any real purpose. Regarding Texas speech though, here's an exasperating example. In NM, which abuts Texas, we have a Senator named Bingaman. Texans are utterly incapable of pronouncing this any other way than 'Bingamum' and I have watched them try.

I have never spent any significant amount of time in NY, but I did ride along one time in a fruit truck that made deliveries all over the city. I had not realized until then that NY, while huge, is actually made up of neighborhoods. I think it must be quite livable and even provincial, in many ways, contrary to opinions held everywhere else.

>>'Looking through early works of Dorothy Parker, these lovely dangling participles were inspired by them.'

Didn't even think of that - dangling participles.


DC is indeed the size of a borough - and a small one. If there are five boroughs and 8 million people to divide between them... do the math.

May I ask what you were doing in a fruit truck in NY? There are indeed neighborhoods, and drastically different ones side by side. I don't know what city living is supposed to be like - maybe Manhattan living? Where grass is in Central Park and water is past the East Side Highway?

There are definite downs to city life. I never saw a horizon for the first not-sure-how-many-years of my life. And you can never just scream cuz there's a dozen people who'll hear you, even if you're in your bathroom. Not that they'd do anything, just listen.


If you could go on forever - does that signify a particular interest in the migration patterns of midwestern Americans?

Hey, I've heard a Texan who can't pronounce "nuclear" . Endemic, perhaps?

I haven't been ignoring you - just been busy, alas.

I arrived in NY on a fruit truck because there were no turnip trucks to just fall off of. Actually, I was working part-time at a health food store in DC and was intrigued when the produce truck driver mentioned he delivered to NY also - so I asked if I could come along some time. It just seems like such a good idea to visit places in a way you wouldn't normally. I had a fine time, as it turned out.

'A' texan who can't pronounce 'nuclear'? I think all of them cannot. Here's the scenario that comes to mind:
'...so I said, Hello Senatuh Bingamum, and he went all nuculuh. Touchy fellah.' I've never heard a Texan say the word endemic - I think they just say 'everwhur' instead. I'm probably being a little unfair.

Didn't see a horizon? I guess is it a vertical city. It's been long enough that I can't imagine not seeing a horizon in all directions now.

Still busy I'm afraid - I'll try to get back a little later.

(that passover pick was a little puzzling for its being premature and all)

Oh well, busyness happens. I wouldn't call it bad, per se, but sometimes it has its downsides. If you are indeed employed by your wife, I'd say it might even be good.

(You might be disappointed, but I haven't been twiddling my and staring at the screen the past few weeks either... )

Interesting - same stuff delivered to NY and DC. Where was the produce guy coming from? Pennsylvania? Lots of nice farmland up there, and conveniently located for the job. (They have a great Renaissance Faire too, which I may get around to visiting one day.)

You probably are being a bit unfair to Texans. If I wanted to be fair just now, I'd be makin' fun a' the New Yawk accent. Problem is I rarely hear it. (Thank Bob!)


Apparently the Passover author doesn't get on too much, and they figured a sub could do the job just fine based on what I wrote. I stuck my nose in and insisted on subbing it, so that worked out.

yes, this is the first job i've ever had where I liked the boss. Wait a minute, I've been my own boss too - well, I'm sure I was an unfair and difficult boss and had every right to quit like I did...

Pennsylvania? yes, very good guess. I haven't been to the renaissance faire there - only the one in maryland.

Making fun of THE New York accent? - why, there's many of them. My personal favorite is the Bronx. I'm not exactly familiar with all of the accents, but I worked with about 200 New Yorkers that came to Virginia from Grumman in Long Island and so somewhere in my head are the voices of many of these people. So, for example, now when I run across a transplant out here, I listen to see who they sound most like and then I try to remember where that person that I knew said they grew up. I surprised one guy recently by guessing that he came from the Bronx and he said, 'Manhattan, actually, but I grew up in the Bronx.'

Btw, as part of the cultural exchange, I tried to teach some of my Grumman friends to say y'all - the guy who came the closest was the one who walked into a room I was in and announced to all and sundry - y'all a__holes. So that was pretty good.

I'm glad the passover entry worked out - you didn't bully the eds too hard I hope. I look forward to seeing it on the front page.

(oh, and btw, i'm glad to see the 'for which the Jewish people should be eternally grateful' phrase survived - it sounds so much like what i'd expect a jewish mother to admonish )

You're better than I am, then, with the accents. I can do some ethnicities but not the Henry Higgins routine. I was bowled over the first time I heard E B White narrate Charlotte's Web on tape. He has an accent thick enough to use as a winter quilt. (Up here, not down where you are.) And he grew up in Mt Vernon, NY. ("So, Charlotte," said Wilbuhw...)

Passover entry did *not* work out after all - but such is the fate of man. I think. Something about toiling on this earth...

Mind if I add you to my automatic stalker mechanism - er, freinds list? This seems to be a blasted spotty way of communicating. Might just be the term papers, but maybe not.

Why it'd be an honor - and I will add you to mine.

I have never heard E B White narrate I must rush off to the library in case there's anything available in the books-on-tape section. I remember reading a discussion of his on the congenial nature of the word 'baster' as it is used in Maine (he gave the example of his son patting the family dog and saying 'Fred-day, you ol' baster') and it would have been great fun to hear him say that. (If a person has a really strong accent already, it can be difficult to speak with another. You never know how it will turn out. One of these Grumman buddies of mine naturally pronounced dog 'dew-og' but if he tried hard enough he could say 'daag').

Well, shame about that Passover entry - what happened? Generalities will do if it's at all priveleged info.

I never did either 'til Matt said his accent was "very American" and I decided to find out what that meant. Thus h2g2 educates us all.

One local accent that drives me crazy is adding 'r' onto the end of words like "idea" ("I had a great idear!")

Turns out there was already an entry entitled "Pesach." Hootoo outdoes itself with attempts at authenticity. So Passover is consigned to the "couldhavebeen" stack.


Can dogs be bastar's? Conundrum of the day.

That is a conundrum...

Well, perhaps only in Maine - theah all woods queah up noth.

Took me a good 30 seconds to decipher that.

Did you say you were an engineer?

Yes - but I try not to let it get in the way of being understood. I'm not always successful.

What kind of engineer? I was thinking about looking into it as a career kind of thing, but wasn't sure where to start.