h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Creature,

REQUEST FOR CONFIDENTIAL GALACTIC BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

First, I must solicit your strict confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature being confidential and "TOP SECRET". I am a highly placed official working for the Federal Ministry of Vogon Reconstructon currently located on Minbar.

My committee - The Vogon Reconstruction Oversight Committee(VROC)- is in charge of managing and supervising the destruction of M-class planets for the Greater Galactic Council(GGC).

The revenues under our control run into several millions of Altairian Dollars per minute or, if necessary, several thousand Minbari cretchels.

My self and three small furry creatures on the committee are currently in need of a silent alien partner to whose bank account we shall transfer the sum of Twelve Million Five Hundred Thousand Flanian Poddelbeads (FP 12.500.500).

This fund is due to us as commission for destruction of several M-class planets handled by us. The funds are presently waiting to be transferred by our offworld banking-connection from Vega to the creature submitted by us as the funds receiver.

However, by virtue of our position as civilservants and members of VROC, we cannot acquire these funds in our name. This is because as top civil servants, we are not allowed by interplanetary law to own or operate off-world bank accounts.

I have been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues, to look for an off-world silent partner in whose account we would transfer the fund on trust, Hence the reason for this hyperspace message.

We shall transfer the money to your account as an investment we are making with your company. We propose to sign a silent partnership agreement with you before the funds leave our account, as our assurance that you will hold the money in trust for us.For your support and partnership, please reply me to negotiate your fees or the percentage you wish to be paid when the cretchels/Poddlebeads arrive in your bank account. It is after your fees and expenses have been deducted from the funds that the balance could be dealt with, according to our instruction. You must however note that this transaction, with regards to our disposition to continue with you, is subject to these terms.

Firstly, our conviction of your fluffyness. Secondly, that you treat this transaction with the utmost secrecy and confidentiality. Finally and above all, that you will provide an account that you have absolute control over. The transaction, although discrete, is legitimate and there is no risk or legal disadvantages either to ourselves or yourself(that is, none that we speak of). The transfer will be effected to your account within seven(7) blarhgs as soon as we reach an agreement and you furnish me with a suitable bank account for the transaction. I am looking forward to doing business with you and do solicit your confidentiality in this transaction, Please hyper-relay your response to me immediately. I might even send you some of my poetry.

Yours faithfully, Prostetnic Vogon Qualtz.
V.R.O.C.