h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Jack they're always there to make us feel better.

Will the 81 minutes be released on DVD.

"81 minutes we were Champions-elect"

Mac, it was obvious that we were going to lose.

I was so certain that Vardy was going to get the winner that, even when he was marked as doubtful on the Fantasy Football site, I made him my Captain.

Dominating the game and not scoring is our thing now. And even when we do score the VAR will rule it out. How the hell are they still getting things wrong when they are able to watch replays at their leisure?

And next we have a trip to Old Trafford. Obviously we know what our record is like at the Big Six so we are heading for our fourth defeat in our first seven matches. Arteta is suddenly staring down the barrel of a major crisis.

Jack the fact we are likely to have a second lockdown next week is the only thing that might be able to arrest this decline.

How come we would have had to have played all of the top 5 from last season apart from Chelsea by early November with the season starting in mid September.

Half time at Old Trafford. Total Arsenal dominance. Still 0-0.

I think we already know how this ends.

Yes, we definitely knew how it would end.

Naturally, I'm sending out plenty of text messages. Most of them read 'Dundalk gave us a harder game'.

The replies I'm getting would shock you, Mac. Filthy stuff. I almost feel sorry for the lads.

Jack, I assume they took it in their stride.

Why would it bother them they have the same goal threat as Dundalk do?

So the world gets its first piece of good news for years and years and everybody's happy.

And then Arsenal naturally have to show up and stuff everything up.

Brings us right back down to Earth Jack.

Trump given the boot, vaccine created.

Arsenal get hammered by my brother's team.

I suspect it's just the start of a trend, Mac.

Detestable, dangerous clown loses his job. We celebrate. And then Arsenal lose.

So Trump gets stuffed by Biden. Arsenal get stuffed by Villa.

Cummings loses a power struggle in No.10 and disappears into oblivion. Arsenal lose a match against Leeds and....well, I think we know the rest.

it's going to happen, isn't it?

Well done, Nicolas Pepe.

Clown.

Jack, I am struggling to remember what the point of football is.

We don't seem all that bothered by goals anymore.

So, big game today. 14th v 10th.



Probably 14th v 6th by the time it's ober.

Football can go to hell, Mac.

Look what they've done to us now. Our third home defeat in a row on a day that Spurs go top.

This is the worst part of 2020.

Jack there is no doubt this is the worst we have been for years and years.

Grim.

And it's going to get worse, Mac.

Spurs away this week.

I've taken all the possible steps. Got rid of all the Arsenal players from my fantasy team. Made Kane Captain. But I'm afraid our pathetic voodoo can't compete with the wrath of the gods. I think winning the FA Cup yet again really tipped them over the edge so they have decided to plunge us into a relegation battle. And, of course, they knackered Partey almost as soon as he touched down at Heathrow.

We will never have a positive goal difference again.

Gah. Even when we play fairly well we get stuffed. If Brighton win tonight we'll be 16th.

And Partey is injured again. He's never been injury prone before but as soon as he joins us he gets the Rosicky/Cazorla/Diaby bug.

Also, this is the real rubbish week. Arsenal play a few kilometres away from me, for the first time ever, and there's no crowd allowed.

2020 can just go to hell at this stage.

Jack this is an actual disaster.

And it gets even more horrific.

Every time I think 'this is as bad as it gets', it simply gets worse. Much worse.

I mean... Burnley, f fs.

We started the second half as if we were going to rip them apart. Only something ridiculous could stop us. But I suppose if somebody was going to do something ridiculous, that someone was bound to be Granit Xhaka. And, naturally, that was followed by an og. Burnley effectively beat us without ever reall working our goalkeeper.

Ever get the feeling we're going to be crap in a relegation battle?

Jack our main striker, on a barren run scores an OG with a header, when he can't head in the millions of crosses we now spam in to the box.