h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A win, Mac. And a clean sheet.

The Gods won't like it.

There'll be hell to pay for this.

Jack, not yet.

In the semi against Man City there will be though.

They made sure we had drawn City even before City actually qualified.

We are obviously going to lose, but I suspect that the defeat will be so heavy that we may never recover.

And there will be other games in which the Gods can inflict their particular brand of evil on us too.

They'd love to see us lose to Norwich. And then we play Wolves and Leicester.

This website was dead the last couple of times I had checked.

Hamsters are back with us now.

Somehow we've beaten Norwich and Wolves without conceding but Leicester are back winning now just as we're about to play them.

Typical, isn't it?

Leicester were playing rubbish right up until the moment that they're due to meet us.

Vardy in particular has come good at exactly the wrong time. He's now got 100 PL goals. He'll probably make it 200 on Tuesday.

Correct, Mac.

Once we weren't 3 up after bossing the first half it was obvious we weren't going to win. There was something very predictable about the whole substitution/red card/equaliser scenario that the Gods worked out.

Football was better when there wasn't any games to worry about.

True Jack and this time there will be any time between the season ending and starting again.

COVID-19 wasn't all bad. Just 99.9% bad.

Well Mac, we've certainly conquered the whole 'boss the game completely and still somehow lose' method of writing off the season.

And the games are getting tougher.

Ok, I have no plausible explanation for consecutive wins over Liverpool and Man City.

Although, I suspect the Gods decided to allow us into the Cup Final because they know that the one thing that will really hurt us is ending the season with a defeat in a final to either Manchester United or Chelsea.

Just like last season.

Bye bye Watford. You won't be missed in the slightest.

So we finished eighth. A rubbish season by any standards. Our worst for a quarter of a century. And, unfortunately, the worst pain of this season is still to come.

Well Mac, we've got our Cup back again for the fourth time in seven years and we've probably annoyed Frank Lampard by doing do which is a nice bonus. Let's hope he doesn't think we're too arrogant.

And we're back in Europe too.

So a pretty decent end to a frankly rubbish season. Silverware is always nice. I can think of another North London club that seems to be allergic to silverware. And Chelsea should end the season trophyless too. That's the kind of thing that would put a smile on anyone's face.

Sorry Jack. Bit late in replying.

Of course I have delayed basking in our win and now the new fixtures are out. Citeh away and Liverpool away by the fifth game of the season.



Still, the Spuds are in qualifying for the Europa League thanks to us.

I know, Mac. Spurs having to qualify was every bit as pleasurable as Aubameyang actually lifting the Cup.

And, since then, Citeh have failed miserably in the CL again while Man United were found wanting in the EL. So the season ended on a high.

In fact we've won more trophies since lockdown ended than Man United and Spurs combined have won in the past two seasons.

Shame about the first few games of next season though.

It took Arteta 7 months what Pochettino couldn't do in 5 seasons.

Given how bad the season was, the end was quite enjoyable. Never would've happened if they had listened to me thinking Null and Void had to happen.

Well Mac, I'm sure we're all devastated about what happened to poor old PSG.

Jack, it was a real shame they missed out on buying the quadruple.

And Neymar crying.

Right then

Community Shield. So the Gods have decided that we have to start the season by getting trounced

Or perhaps we'll win in a shootout.

Four FA Cups in the last six years and, each time we've gone on to win the Community Shield. Eight trophies over the last six years.

For a laugh I decided to look into how long it's taken Spurs to win their last eight trophies. Turns out to be 48 years.

I actually thought it would be longer.

48 years is not too bad for them.

They must be a little fed up with us hoovering up all the silverware in a period they keep finishing above us.