h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's official, Mac.

We are never going to win another game.

Or hold on to another lead.

Only Chelsea away next.

Yet another draw.

Although at least it was a draw that annoyed Chelsea fans.

If they can't beat us when we gift them a lead and a one man advantage early in the game they must be seriously rubbish.

I seem to recall we were discussing the nightmare of a potential Luiz/Mustafi partnership when the news broke that we were signing Luiz. And, to nobody's surprise, we were proven correct.

Nice of N'Golo KAnte, of all people, to recreate Steven Gerrard's most famous moment for us, though.

It was funny seeing Chelsea perform the tribute act to the infamous Stevie Me moment they created.

Yes another draw, funny how we have gained points on Man Utd in the last two though.

Another five games and they will be really worried.

The last couple of mornings in work have been quite amusing. Let's just say that the United fans are a little down in the mouth.

It's weird that were way behind them in the league and I can still have a go at them but we have to take what little pleasure this season is offering us.

Although, having laughed at the Man U v Burnley game I then realised that United's incompetence enabled Burnley to find their form just as we're due to go there in the league. And Bournemouth have found their form too after an abysmal run just before we play them in the Cup.

Thanks, Gods.

Jack it looked like we were on for a comfortable win.

Couldn't have that could we.

And yes Martinelli getting booted up in the air at Turf Moor is a bit concerning.

Ole does just enough each month to keep himself in a job.

I am assuming that the Gods were debating whether to humiliate us at Bournemouth or Burnley and they decided to go with Burnley so we got away with it on Monday night.

Also, we are being linked with a CB who was released by Man City; that's the same Man City who retained the services of Stones and Otamendi.

Don't we have enough sub-Otamendi CBs already?

We've now signed that guy Jack.

We have another loan signing coming, that's all we are good for now.

A loan signing. From Southampton.

In fairness Mac, we don't often persuade a player to leave a club that's higher in the league than us and drop down to our level.

So, it's quite a coup, really.

There is that Jack.

Convincing him to make the step down takes some doing.

We need to be careful though. How can we afford any loans in the summer?

We are never, ever going to win a match again.

Only Liverpool have lost fewer games than us. And we're tenth.

Gah!

Jack, we are going to reclaim our unbeaten run with draws.

Also, how come out players get an all expenses paid trip to Dubai for being crap at their jobs?

Mac, I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that Arsenal will not get a draw this weekend.

Bet they do in training.

Looking forward to holding Newcastle to a draw this weekend, Mac?

Jack we only managed for one half this time Jack.

What's going on?

I don't know, Mac.

We've even got a positive goal difference, now.

They must be planning something truly horrific for us.

I guess they will swap our goal difference around with Everton's this weekend.

Two non-draws in a row.

They must have something truly terrible lined up for us this weekend against Everton.

Jack they did right at the start and nearly at the end.

They must have been sleeping for most of in between.