I came back because life's too short.
Posted Apr 20, 2006
I'm going away again for the same reason.
I'm going away for the weekend...
Posted Apr 7, 2006
If my nickname has been moderated by the time I return, I will take it as a sign that h2g2 has finally lost all common sense, and I shall leave. Permanently.
Too much perspective.
Posted Mar 25, 2006
I'm not normally a fan of this kind of journal entry, indeed I've spent the best part of 24 hours wondering whether or not to post it - some things are perhaps too personal for a site like this, but then again all the momentous events in my life since I joined h2g2 have been documented here (along with hundreds of rather dull ones) and this one seems to warrant inclusion. It also goes some way towards explaining why I've suddenly reappeared here after leaving in a strop and vowing never to return; sitting in a hospital ward with a dying relative certainly gives you a lot of perspective (possibly too much f***ing perspective, as David St Hubbins once observed). Feel free to skip the next few paragraphs and just offer vague non-specific sympathy if you like.
So. My grandad went into hospital at the beginning of February. At the time nobody was quite sure what was wrong with him, although we suspected he might have prostate cancer as he's had problems in that department for many years. In fact the reason he was admitted was because his kidneys weren't working properly, however after various tests it was discovered that he did indeed have prostate cancer, but they (I'll be using the word "they" to represent whatever non-specific group of medical people is in charge of these things) decided it wasn't terribly serious and could be controlled with drugs. More worryingly they also found some kind of growth in his liver, which also turned out to be cancerous. Liver cancer is of course considerably more serious, but "they" assured us that at his age (85) it would be very slow to grow and he could have years of life left in him yet.
By mid-February things were looking quite rosy. They'd got a kidney working again and he seemed more cheerful and lively than he'd been for a while. Then he began to complain of a lack of energy. "They" suggested he may have some kind of infection, although they couldn't agree on anything specific. Someone suggested he might have MRSA, someone else said he definitely did have MRSA, someone yet else denied this outright. Your textbook NHS-sponsored shambles, really. With no clear idea of what was really wrong, they decided that the kidney problem with which he had been admitted had been fixed and he could go home, because they needed the bed.
He was duly turfed out of the bed and sent home in a taxi, but after ten days at home with no obvious signs of improvement, he was readmitted to hospital on Monday. "They" suspected his lack of energy might be due to a chest infection. This was, of course, nonsense. It turns out he has cancer of the liver, prostate and bladder and, frankly, there's not much anyone can do for him.
So now it's really just a matter of waiting. To his great credit, he's accepted his fate with good grace and is more or less ready to go now, which I think makes things easier, although I'm not entirely sure. I've managed to reach the age of almost 34 without losing anybody this close to me, which is perhaps not entirely a good thing as I now have no idea how to deal with it. I know I should be spending as much time with him as possible, but he's always been such an independent person that to see him lying there unable to even prop himself up in bed is just horrendous. The fact that my uncle who's had little or nothing to do with the family for decades has now come back to the fold and is playing the concerned son card doesn't help either.
If you're still reading, thanks, good luck to you.
Posted Mar 25, 2006
"As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."
Oh no. I've gone mad.
Posted Oct 16, 2005