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I was standing in my admittedly overgrown back garden a few minutes ago, contemplating the disrepair of my lawn, when it occurred to me to wonder about the purpose of grass.

What is the point in grass? Why do we plant it? Is there not something to be said for the benefits of artificial substitutes such as Astroturf?

It would seem to me that people have lawns so that they can think. It makes sense. You get an allotted period of half an hor every two weeks, during which time you mow your lawn. What else can you do in this time but think?

Therefore it makes sense that the bigger a lawn that someone has, the more intelligent they are. If you have no lawn then you are very thick. If you are the lord of an entire 400 acre estate, it stands to reason that you must be very intelligent. So intelligent in fact that you employ someone else to do your gardening for you.

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Latest reply: May 22, 1999

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