anything and everthing

Also search for JamDunc and jac220. My motto :- I'm busy doing nothing working the whole day through trying to find lots of things not to do, I'm busy going nowhere isn't it just a crime i'd like to be unhappy but i just don't have the time. Anecdotes:- NETTO Scandanavian for value, english for s**t Money is the root of all evil for more information send £5 to 13 Herons Way Birdwell. The end of the world is this friday for more info send £5 to 13 Herons Way Birdwell, please allow 28 days delivery. If your feeling happy send £1 to happy dude 13 Herons Way Birdwell It takes many nails to build a cot but only one screw to fill it. What is a pronoun? A noun that has lost its amateur status. Would you say acupuncture is a jab well done. People that blurt out what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought. All i know about money matters is that it does. by the time you have found out what makes the world go round you are too dizzy to care. In spite of the cost of living it is still popular. If you are going to borrow money borrow it off a pessimist they never expect it back. What i want to know is how we found out how to get money from cows and what was the person doing when he found out. Ads in Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you." Fabric Softener: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how wives mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes. Cripes: My wife's from the Mid-west. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly'. I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'? Morning Differences: Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'how can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. Pregnancy: It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, 'Oh my god. He's kicking. Do you wanna feel it?' I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my god...give me your hand...It won't be long now..." Grandma: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen'. You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you; out entering wet shawl contests? Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday. Reverse Life Cycle: The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you got to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...you finish off as a gleam. Prisons: Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator. Award Shows: Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards. A whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing. Phone-in Polls: You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know". It costs 90 cents to call up and vote...They're voting "I don't know. "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into phone) I DON'T KNOW! (hangs up, looking proud) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say "I'm not in the mood." Answering Machine: Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.'" Beep." "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling... Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love". Forever is a long time but not as long as it was yesterday. Its you and the ball, all the hours of practice rain or shine comes down to one thing, how dirty did you get? change is inevitible except from a vending machine. don't eat yellow snow it will only make you feel SICK. every new beggining comes from some other beggining's end. Semisonic -Closing Time

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raddish

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