Journal Entries
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Ryan...
Posted Apr 21, 2006
Well... he said he wont break up with me anymore, so right now he's not treating me as his girlfriend but I am... Confused yet?
He wants to go to JR prom w/some other girl, and so I'm like WTF?
Boys are stupid
And apparently he doesnt know his feelings for me right now.
Dont I feel special.
Not only this! But now one of my closest friends thinks its ok to flirt w/me. I think not!
Ryan doesnt even miss me, c'mon!
I fell like I deserve better sometimes....
....But I dont want better.
I miss him sooooo much! I'm so stupid.
Love sucks, so much.
What did I do wrong, to make it where I dont amuse him...
I wish I knew, If I did then he wouldnt feel this way, and we could be happy =)
But were not broken up.
Sometimes I wanna break up, because I think it would make him happier.
One of his best friends told me I annoy him!
*cries*
What did I do wrong?...
I dont know if I can go on like this for much longer...
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 21, 2006
Morrissey
Posted Apr 9, 2006
The CD came out!
Me and Ryan are back together!
I wrote the Morrissey article!
I'm writting a musical!
Im getting back into Opera!
I'm missing my jobs such as:
Futball, School, work
Oh well
I refuse to grow up and do important things
If I played for fun and my coach wasnt stupid
i probably would go to practice
Oh well !
im Happy!
-Amelie 
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 9, 2006
Success! Mwhahaahaha
Posted Apr 8, 2006
Hahahahaha
I'm happy
Finally
After 2 weeks of utter hell
Me and Ryan are back together
New Mozz Cd
I won an Opera compition
Can any girl ask for anything more?
Its Strange
I never have felt this way
since i got the part of Christine Daae
In the Phantom of The Opera
I have two sides of me:
One is Week (but strong in the scence that that half seems to win most of my decisions)
One is Strog (but also week)
The week side says:
"I love Ryan.
I will do anything he asks.
I will put my lie on the line for the boy that I love.
I will set myself up to be heart broken again.
I just want to be happy.
I will pretend that I dont know that he loses intrest in me.
That his friends are more important.
I will lose my friends for him.
I love him."
The Strong side says:
"I love Ryan.
He hurts me though
This is just like Charles
I can get any guy I want.
So why him?
I should leave him.
I'm pretty.
Guys ask for my hand everyday
He doesnt seem to even try to win me.
What an Ass.
I will stay with him.
If he screws with me again I will leave him though.
I love him."
I want to do so much
I realized something today:
I can get any guy I want.
No matter race, age, dignity, style.
My friend showed me today.
This is why I have so many stalkers!
And I cant stop
Its and addiction
I dont even try!
Oh well.
At least I know I have people in lines
This is such a bad trait.
Sorry to all the Men that I weeve into my webb
I become your dream date
I change to fit your needs
If you see me doing this to you
Im sorry
I do anything to get people to smile
I cant say no
I give people what they want
If you see me doing this please stop me
Thanks Julio for brining this to my attention
I now know why men find me attractive.
Even though I'm not...
OOhh Tea's Done! 
Love,
Amelie
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 8, 2006
Ryan... The hell of it all!
Posted Mar 29, 2006
He says he still loves me...
But he says he doesnt.
He holds my hand.
And wants nothing to do with me.
He follows me.
And tells me to back off.
He asks me out.
And denies.
He says he's sorry.
And does it again.
He keeps sending me mixed messages.
Every day.
These events occur.
He says we'll try it again, after a little break.
And he says were over for good.
I dont understand I say
He says he lays everything out for me.
Does it seem so?
I'm going to talk to him in person in about 5 min.
And tell him to stop abusing me.
I will say its over.
And come back tomorrow.
I love him so.
I hate loving him.
Why does he move me?
Regards and Regrets,
Amelie Garcia
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Latest reply: Mar 29, 2006
Ryan Part 2!
Posted Mar 27, 2006
Ok here Is an e-mail conversation between me and my ex.... So confuised!
Ryan:
"sure.
im sorry i had to hang up with you tonight, i felt really really sick.
hopefully we can talk more tomorrow.
about this whole situation,
i really dont know what happened.
you kno how i get when i have an idea that i think is good, i just go
with it.
even if i regret it later.
i dont want to HAVE to live with it, but i want to see what happens.
this is like
the last year i have to have fun, cos next year i really have to buckle
down.
once i realized that i didnt know how serious i wanted to be. and
instead of telling you that , despite everything i said to you and
really hoped for, i dont know if i want to be that serious with anyone
right now.
im sorry if you feel like im ignoring you sometimes, im really not,
its just hard to talk to you when you get all depressed, cos you also
get angry and i dont want to offend you or make you sadder. so i think
its better to just keep my mouth shut sometimes.
can you try to give me just a little more space though?
i mean like ,im not saying i dont like seeing you, im saying that
hardly anyone can tell that we're broken up. and i know you want them
to think that but i want to see what its like, without you. maybe it
will show me how much you really mean to me. you know how they say
"you never really miss someone until theyre gone"
i know it sounds cruel but please, for me. just give me a little space.
ugh i hate doing this to you. i hate everything about it. i wish there
was some way around this but i need to know what i feel for you
compared to everyone else. do you understand?
this could potentially strengthen our relationship, if you would ever
take me back again. which im not so sure of at this point. but at any
rate.
please at least think about what i said.
i love you. or at least, i love you in my way.
-Ryan"
Me:
"M. Ryan,
I understand.
I've been waiting for you to tell me this =)
It's strange.
I know what you want and I know how you feel.
I dont want to consider it though.
Until you tell me.
I ignore people's feelings too much.
I know I had to give you space.
I didnt want to lose you.
So I ignored it.
I cant ignore people's feelings.
Anymore.
I'm trying to be better.
I'm trying to be understandng.
It's hard though.
I get to a certain point with people sometimes.
Where I take too many drastic measures.
And lose everything.
I did that with you.
I lost everything.
I dont care.
In the end it's worth it all.
I'ts worth knowing that I care so mch.
That I get under your skin.
It may sound strange.
But you have to understand.
I was litteraly raised
On old European romance movies.
I feel like a fool.
For not prepairing better.
I knew for two weeks it was all coming to an end.
I ignored it.
I completely feel uterley ridiculous.
Especially when people say:
"You look like an idiot"
"Why do you follow him like that?"
My answer is always the same and will always be the same.
"I love him."
I wish people (you)
Knew how I am.
I'm foolish.
I become blind by my feelings.
When I actually do feel more love than lust.
I lose train of thought.
Every step I take after that is for them (you).
I lost you just now.
You probably think I'm pshycotic.
Damn me.
I hate myself for this.
I dont mean to be this way.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I will give you your space.
If you ever did ask me out again.
(Which I highley doubt at this point).
I would of course say yes.
You make me nothing but happy. ^_^
Love Without Wax*,
Amelie Garica
* Without Wax- Sin Cere. SIn Cere in Latin means "Without Wax". The Latin root for the Word Sincerley is Sin Cere. How did this come to be? In the ancient Roman times, sculptures used bees wax to fill in the cracks of their statues. When a Statue was utterley perfect te sculpters would say it was without wax. Which made it Sincere. I mean if they used wax they would be lying so therefore not Sincere. So when I say my love for you is without wax it means it's sincere. Your the only person I told this to willingly. Dont you feel Special." 
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Mar 27, 2006
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