journal of pain
Posted Apr 13, 2000
hi. whats up. long time huh? and now for my pop-culture ridden journal of pain. me and beth kinda had a falling out about 1 and a half weeks ago. so i guess we downgraded from boyfriend/girlfriend to just dating and not saying i love you, but still having sex, cause thats what people do when they date, right? anyway, we agreed to see other people and that its not a space shuttle launch, sex is just sex. so, i've been trying to date this girl named vanessa. she is a goddess. i'm not exactly mr. casanova here, but still. let's all hope and pray. ok vanessa is back from work, let's hope fate smiles down on me.
Posted Dec 6, 1999
i have a girlfriend now. you know that girl i was talking about before? the one i met online? yea, that didn't work out. she had to move home to europe. i was depressed about that for awhile. then i met beth. i met her online too. the internet can be anonymous, but it can also be so much more, if you just have a little faith. she only lives about 60 miles from me (20 when i go home from college and have a car to get to her) but it is still really hard. handling long distance relationships is not an easy task. you have been warned.
anyway, i thought of another new england slang word. bubbler. no one has any clue what a bubbler is outside of new england. a bubbler is a water fountain. so when someone says "i'm gonna go use the wata bubbla," (that's with the boston accent) don't look at them funny. cause now you know. and knowing is half the battle.
Posted Oct 13, 1999
i'm such a dork. i was hanging out all day with this chick i met online. how pathetic is that? i mean really. well, that is the only actual dorky part. it was fun. she's pretty cool. she found me through a random aim find buddy thing on wednesday. she goes to umass amherst and was coming to boston this weekend. we were gonna go to the axis, but it was gay night (she has a gay friend at tufts), so i didn't want to go. we decided on lunch today. which lasted til about 6:30. she knows boston better than i do, but she lived here for a month and went all over the city.
i missed a job interview, so i have to wake up early and have the interview before classes tomorrow. but i was too late getting back today to get the form i needed. so tomorrow morning i gotta go like a mile away, get the form, i think that place opens at 9 (incidentally, the time when my interview is), and i gotta rush back and be late for my interview. then i got psych at 10, and a calc test at 11. woe is me. i'm pretty sure i already got the job though. not like you need a perfect record to check people's bags at the library.
anyway. me and sarah. i thought it was like a date, but i guess it wasn't to her. or something. we had one of those really deep conversations where you really get to know someone. i shoulda made a move. a quote in 3 kings really got to me. "do the stuff you're scared shit-less of now, and get the courage for it later." i gotta learn. she made me promise to ask someone out on a date this week. and i made her promise to stop smoking for a few hours. so wish me luck.
ok, i got an italian dialogue to study. i'll let you know what's up.
Posted Sep 16, 1999
my computer is picking up a radio station, i can hear it on the speakers. it's really freaking me out. since no one knows about this page except for some random person maybe surfing around, i'm gonna start making use of this. my thoughts and stuff. you know? so if i bitch or complain, don't worry, its perfectly natural
college is great... on the weekends. cause right now its wednesday. well, i guess technically it's thursday morning. and i didn't do anything tonight.
i was gonna write more on that, but i'd rather get to the stuff that i need to get off of my chest. when i first started hanging out with the girls on my floor, i was completely taken (for lack of a better word) by kelly. so i was talking to kelly, playing drunken connect four. yes, thats right, drunken connect four. and then she asks me if i like anyone on the floor. if i had the reaction time to think ahead (if i was sober), i probably wouldn't of said anything. but i said that i did like someone. then of course she had to find out who. so we started playing for letters of the girl i liked's first name. out of nowhere i started to really focus on the game and i didn't lose again, i think. but eventually i couldn't resist her questions anymore and since i couldn't say "you", i lied. but, being less than sober, she didn't believe me. i said someone else, she didn't believe me. so i started thinking "who would she believe i liked?" so, i chose beth. its not that beth is bad looking, shes kinda cute, but i don't think of her like that.
i forgot to tell you the first part of the story. i think. wait. was it the same night? no, it couldn't have been. a few nights before, i think, when everyone went to bed, i went back to my room. and this girl lindsey followed me. now lindsey isn't what i'd call my type. don't get the wrong idea, she's cool, but i have no intention of going there with her. anyway, lindsey was lying on my bed. and i saw that kelly was still online. so i started talking to kelly and she found out that lindsey was on my bed.
wait, this has to be after i first talked with her. grr. i can't remember.
so, anyway, lindsey left, and i started talking to kelly again online. she has a boyfriend, by the way, which i found out a couple hours before talking to her that night. which really depressed me. so she was really trying to get me to tell her who she likes. but i was saying how it would change everything. and she couldn't figure out why. i really wish she had, but not asked me. at one point, she did ask "is it me?" and i really can't remember what i said to avoid the question.
its been about a week since all this happened. kelly went home for the weekend to go to a concert and see her boyfriend, who i think is coming up here this weekend. (ugh) and i hung around a whole lot with kelly's roommate maryann, lindsey, and beth. me, maryann, and lindsey were out for a few hours trying to use lindsey's fictitious id (private joke) to buy some vodka and some peach schnapps. and i really started to like maryann, i think. its a weird situation, thats why i say i think. i think it came about after watching a movie w/ maryann, brian, and mac (brian and mac flirt all the time, and i was sitting on the other bed with maryann). after the movie (i think it was mulan) i talked to lindsey online. she wondered if we "just" watched the movie. i really started to think about it. we didn't do anything, but the notion just then entered my mind. plus, lindsey said that she had a hunch that maryann might like me.
then kelly comes back. she asks me about who i like again. i confess that i was lying. so, after thinking about me and maryann for like 2 days, i tell her that i like maryann. but since kelly has come back from home, i like her more than i did before. and maryann shows no interest in me whatsoever.
i think that about covers it. i have to tell kelly that i don't think i like maryann anymore. but see, i don't really know whats up. i really wouldn't feel right about going for kelly, when she has a boyfriend. (which is who, i might add, she lost her virginity to about a month ago)
i'll just have to wait and see, i guess.
damn, i thought writing this would make me feel better. maybe if i read it over... nope. i'll keep you posted.
Posted Jun 15, 1999
since graduation on the 4th, and class night and the bon voyage party, not much has happened. i assumed heidi wasn't interested in me, but now i'm not so sure. just went to a baseball game at fenway. bottom of the ninth inning, we're down 3-2. full count, we get a home run. very next batter, full count, another home run. !! it was cool. the crowd was great, but the cops there were way to strict. deanna's graduation party is friday night, it might be cooler than all the others i've been to. i don't know if this rave we've been trying to plan is gonna happen. i don't think we'll be able to find a place. paul's church basement would be perfect, but he is understandably paranoid. anyway, something might happen soon. i know i've said it before, but be prepared or something. ok?