h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hi spiderbaby,
i have just read "if i could make it go away".
it must have been very hard to write (although cathartic in a way?)
i have a friend who has a daughter with c.f and it is a truly hard thing to learn to live with.
believe me, as far as your daughters heroin addiction goes, there is nothing in this world that you could have done to prevent it.
i have never been a heroin addict but i have had other drug problems in the past.
a lot of my friends are addicts though and sometimes the methadone is more addictive than the heroin itself. silly, really isn't it?
i don't really know what to say to you but i felt i had to say something. so i'm sorry if i am saying all the wrong things.
i'm not trying to be presumptious but from your daughters point of view, things must be hard for her.
it's hard for any parent to look after a child with c.f (especially a todler who can't understand why he has to have physio etc) and on top of an addiction and a partner who is unhelpful (sorry, if i am out of turn for saying that but you said he stayed in bed all day so i based my assumption on that).
i think that you sound like an incredibly supportive parent - as my parents were, although they didn't stop me making the choices i did but they were there for me as you are for your child.
that is all you can do and you ARE helping.
i have a daughter who is also 3. i don't know what i would do if she grows up and chooses the same "pathways" i did.
luckily for me, i met my husband who sort of pulled me out of my old life.
i'm sure your daughter will come through this.
i'm so sorry if i have said all the wrong things but like i said, i felt i had to say something.

Thankyou, no you did not say any wrong things. I appreciate your words. Not everyone understands that inside every drug user is a person with a desparate battle to fight but that they are still a human being with hopes and dreams like everyone else. It's reaching in and trying to pull them out, trying to build their self esteem, to give them the weapons to fight with which is so important, but sometimes, so very draining It's good just to know that others are reading this and some might just know what my daughter is going through.
thanks

hi spiderbaby,
you are so right. with any drug addiction - be it heroin/coke/alcohol/whatever, some people see only the addiction and the stigma that goes with it. people don't realise that addicts can be intelligent, kind,funny, forthright, posess every quality (and fault) that they always did have. in short, they are human beings the same as people that take their afternoon tea in the ritz.
it is easy though (whether you are an addict or not) to get so bogged down with living that you can't see through the clouds.
help your daughter to re-capture the dreams that she has. make her know that nothing is out of her league. she must know that she is as valid and entitled to happiness as the next person (something when we are swamped under the weight and stigma of an addiction we forget).

oops.
p.s i think i understand how draining it can be. don't forget yourself either. we'll never stop wanting to look after our children, it must be desperately hard to watch the loves of our lives hurt themselves. don't ever blame yourself and it's okay to feel angry that they could have done so much more. your daughter still can be much more than this. she already is a special kind of person. as you say, she is a brilliant mum, and that's one of the hardest things.

for your lovely, kind words. I had my grandson over on Thursday. Four hours and I was exhausted but it's worth it to see what an energetic and bright little boy he is. He makes me laugh.
spidey

That's wonderful. Hang in there.