h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right well it started out like a good day. Its definitely gone down hill. I was having a lovely time, blissfully unaware going through school enjoying my day. When I got home my Mum told me that her Mum has breast cancer. Once again I thought it was something that would happen to other peoples families and not my own. I think the worst part of it is that I don’t actually like her Mum and I feel bad about that. She’s hardly ever said anything to me. I guess I just feel bad that I don’t feel bad, and oddly enough I regret not having a better relationship with her. That said I feel bad for my Mum, she’s absolutely devoted to her mother.
The good news is it's fairly early and is likely still operable.

It would all be fine if my Mum hadn’t pointed out that I have an increased risk of breast cancer now. Yep, that definitely shot my day. So now I’ve gone from being rather cheerful to feeling quite mopey. I think I’ll just slouch around the house now.

My love to all of you

Well, that's no fun at all.



Does it help to remember that treatment options are better than they ever have been, that it's easier to detect the cancer before it becomes a problem, and that there may even one day soon be a way to prevent it?

(And never mind about not feeling closer to the patient in this case. My family's full of people I feel very little for. Perfectly normal.)

Thanks for all you help Ivan. What you said really does make me feel better Especially the last bit. According to my Mum its completely abnormal to not be close to someone in your family. I've always thought that was a little odd and the reasoning not quite clear but I suppose there's something in it when it's said that if someone tells you something often enough you start to believe it.

I'm feeling much better today. I've been working on an essay since I got up this morning and its been keeping my mind very busy.

I think what was really bothering me was that it was this time two years ago that I found out my uncle's leukaemia was back and then in May he died. Once I realised that a lot of my anxiety came from remembering that experience and the sense of deja vu it became a lot easier to cope with. Just knowing its not at all the same situation helps.
Gee... I hope that doesn't sound callous I'm afraid I just don't like my Mum's Mum as much as I did my uncle. But besides, as you pointed out there are a lot of treatment options for her and it may be all right after all. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

There's an old saying "you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family". Just because you are related doesn't mean you have to hit it off with everyone.

Ivan is right that treatment is so much better and if caught early can be successfully dealt with. I have several friends who have 'been there, done that and got the T-shirt' and have been absolutely fine ever since. i don't think there is a real certainty that it could be hereditary. Best to forget it and get on with your life.



Websailor

And Webbie's right, that simply getting on with life is the way forward. I know I'm at a higher risk of some forms of cancer because of family history, and I know that I have a very mild and non-life-threatening version of the heart problem my sister has, but there's no point in dwelling on it. By that same token, I've lost friends in car accidents but I don't get all spooked when I get into that passenger seat. Things happen, except when they don't, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Back to the family thing. Surely it's better to admit that you don't have deep feelings for a person, even while acknowledging the fact that she's dealing with cancer, rather than being a hypocrite and swooning about the house in melodramatic poses whenever there's someone looking... Honesty is a desirable quality, you know.

Sorry to hear that. Though keep your chin up. These guys have said it all really - technology's so great that there's every reason to think that she'll be fine. And evn if it means you've an "increased risk" doesn't mean you'll get it, or that (worst case, if you do) it'll go untreatable.

And it can mean it'll bring you two together. I've heard of a lot of families that get closer during a time like this, and they've got through it.

Thanks everyone for the great advise. You're all quite right. There's no use worrying about it now. And thank you for the reassurance it's all right for me to not be close to her.

I tried emailing her to test the waters of getting to know her better... I don't think it went well. I got short responses, and really nothing to reply too. I know its not because she's not good on computers, she spends whole days emailing people. I think I'll just have to admit that she might love me, even if she never show it, and just leave it at that. We'll see how things go.

I wanted to thank all of you for being here for me After talking to you all I always feel much better.

Glad to be of service.

Likewise


Websailor

Well let us know how things get on.

Don't worry bout the short replies to your emsils. Could just have been that she had a whole string to reply to and wanted to get through them all quickly. She could open up a bit more later.

Well.... Still waiting for a reply to my last e-mail. To be fair though maybe she has better things to do than sit on the computer.

I'll be sure to keep you all updated. No news so far, but then I don't really expect any for awhile. They're a very funny family and hardly ever tell anyone anything. Its like a network of secrets and they pass things on to each other but I dont think anyone knows who knows what.

Hi Ari. My wife had breast cancer 5 years ago. She had surgery and chemotherapy followed, a couple of years later, by reconstruction surgery. She's back to all of her old favourite pastimes and is very well. On the other hand we've lost more than half a dozen friends to breast cancer over the last few years so we don't feel smug.

If you are in contact with your grandmother she'd probably appreciate it if you treat her as a normal person rather than an illness in a frock. I know that sounds stupid but one of our good friends who died of cancer, before my wife contracted hers, thanked us immensely because we invited her to a barbecue. Everyone else had shunned her, frightened of what she could or couldn't do. I think the trick is to treat people normally until they ask you to do otherwise - which may be never!

That's a wonderful piece of advice Vestboy (for all of us), with whatever the illness a person suffers.

Websailor

Wow, Vestboy! Thanks for sharing that. Glad your wife's ok, and sorry to hear about your friends though.

Great advice too. I think I've heard that sort of thing before where people get scared round the person and start acting weird as if it's contageous or that the person will break if they do anything.

Or else become excessively nice.

Ooo, yeah there's overcompensating too. That can be horible too.

Best to be as normal as you can.

as regards you having an increased risk of getting breast cancer, there are different types of breast cancer and not all run in families so try to find out if it's one that does.

Good advice too. Will help you not to worry.

Thanks everyone You're all full of such wonderful advise. It's no wonder you're the first people I think of when I need some good advise

I'm feeling much better now. Life seems to have returned to normal for me. Or maybe its that I'm too busy.... I had my last class today and now I two final essays to do and four final exams and then I'm done for this semester