h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Having been off line for a week grappling withthe complexities of technology in general, and the nice new PC in particular, I'm still catching up with Backlog, so came across your journal entry late on in the day.

All behind, just like the brewer's dray; that's me.

Sorry to hear you're on a downer - depression is not a pleasant thing and I know from experience that everything can be an awful effort, and doesn't often seem to be worth the energy expended *anyway. It's a nasty rotten little catch 22 isn't it?

Be gentle with yourself though; you've had an awful lot of Stuff, lately, some of it pretty damned dramatic, like getting over to the other side of the world when your mam was poorly - there's bound to be a reaction.

Don't know if this'll be of any help Fb, but try and be your own best friend - make allowances for yourself, but make sure you're looking after yourself as well; a little bit of gentle nagging is allowed, so you can get done the things you *need to get done, but other than that, don't beat yourself up.

Depression - well, I think so anyway- is one of nature's ways of getting us to slow down a bit and be nice to ourselves when it all gets a bit too much.

Eventually, there'll be light at the end of the tunnel - there always is. But you know all this, anyway.

Websailor has my e mail if you'd like to off load off site, so use it if it'll help you

In the meantime, here's a loo brush and a hug to be going on with

Found you! I completely missed this posting until you prodded me in the right direction

Thank you so much for your concern. I really appreciate it. Living in a relatively new country (to me at least ) when all this stuff is going on for poor Mum and when I'm struggling to make sense of a very unsatisfactory job situation has almost defeated me at times. The temptations to pack up and go somewhere I'm more familiar with have been enormous, but I'm resolved to make a life here.

I absolutely love NZ. The lack of people and the fantastic landscapes knock me sideways. The culture is fascinating and the opportunities for me to buy my couple of acres and grow vegs, fruit, chooks and perhaps a goat or two are boundless. The standard of living is much higher than in UK.

Being gentle with myself is something I'm not terribly good at. I never seem to know what to do for the best

After your recent excursions into family life you should be ready for anything!

Fb

Truth be told, I'm not particually good at being gentle with myself, either, but I go by this rule of thumb; treat yourself as you would your best friend if he/she were in your position.

And if that involves a gentle toe up the bottom sometimes, then do that, too! Nowt wrong with a bit of Tough Love, but a bit of a coddle never hurt anyone, ever.

Also... I find it helps to remember just how silly Wonderwoman looks with her bra and knickers worn OVER her main outfit! Do I want to be remembered appearing like that? I ask myself occaisionally when the old ego decides I *ought* to go the extra mile despite the fact I'm knackered. Vanity wins hands down, every time!

I s'pose there's no chance of changing jobs, is there? Apart from the fact that Work is driving you hairless, NZ sounds wonderful, almost tailor made for you.

I've done the goats and an acre bit in my twenties - loved the life style,just wasn't over impressed with my partner in crime. Even when the land bites back, it's still a good clean, fair battle. I did miss people, though. Twas very remote where I live,and the goats were lousy at debate.



What's the job situation like there? Not being absolutely sure of what you *do (and being well out of touch with doing a regular job for a good few years doesn't help much) I'm at a bit of a loss as to know what to suggest, except to find something you enjoy doing in an enironment you feel comfortable in that pays enough to keep the head above water. If I'm talking pie in the sky then just say; I've no idea of the employment situation there you see, or how specialised your job is, or indeed, how career orientated you are.

Me? I just took any old job that offered itself and paid enough to keep me ahead of the bills! I worked hard, certainly, but I played even harder The only career description I could ever claim really was Party Animal. Or now I'm knocking on a bit, Geriatric Hedonist.

Hey! That almost sounds classy, doesn't it!

You deserve - and I want to write - a longer reply than I have time for just at the moment. So bear with me and I'll get back to you in the next day or two.


Fb

No rush... as and when time and inclination co-incide, ok?

Till then, keep smiling

Hi Ev. I'm back

I'm sitting at my computer with the heater blasting out much-needed warmth around my legs, a bowl of crisps and a glass of ginger beer at my elbow. This is indulgence I recently stopped drinking grog because it was exacerbating my poor mood and also making me feel like for hours afterwards. Too much, too young - I suspect my kidneys and liver are screwed So ginger beer is as close as I get to alcohol these days. Shame really cos I haven't found an alternative way to relax and switch off reliably.

Anyhoo... I can't change jobs at the moment. I started here in Sept last year and have to work 2 years to avoid repaying the huge relocation costs from Oz, dammit. My finances got into dire straits in Oz, thanks to not enough work (I was a consultant there) and a very unwise choice of business partner for my final 8 months. He was a charming freeloader It will take another two and a half years to pay off my resulting debts, leaving me no opportunity to save or to properly indulge myself. This is another good reason for kicking alcohol of course.

To turn my job around from one I resent to one I enjoy is going to take a large dollop of good fortune and a huge amount of effort from me... and I'm really not sure I'm up for it, given that the results are far from predictable. I'd hate to put in that effort for no returns at all. It would put me in a worse place (emotionally) than I am right now. However, I think it's what I have to dig deep and try to do.

Working with people who see me at best as an irrelavence and at worst as an obstacle to defeat is sapping my energy, enthusiasm and confidence. I'm struggling socially because I feel I have nothing to offer anybody - because that is the message I'm being fed at work day after day by the two people who should be most involved in my work.

A new manager started a couple of months ago - and I do feel less miserable than I did before he arrived - but he's going to take months to make a real difference. He knows I'm unhappy and the reasons why, but at the end of the day it's only me that can change things I think.

I am so tired and worn at the end of each day / week, that the last thing I want to do is to put myself into a social situation with anybody at work - or with anybody I don't know well. So I'm turning into a hermit, which I'm not happy about but which I understand the reasons for - and hope that it's only temporary.

Of course all the concern about Mum is also distracting me big time. She's far from well and is very unhappy about being alive, being in hospital (albeit the cottage hosp) and being a burden. Her legs aren't working - and I doubt she'll be allowed home until they are, which is desperate.

Blimey: you got a gobful there! Funny how when you start, sometimes you just blurt it all out it a big splurge. And you are the fortunate recipient

Thanks for listening...

Fb

H'mm.

This needs a Big Think and lots of Little Bite Size "challenges/questions, otherwise once I get going I'll never stop.

I do go on a bit, sometimes, after all....

But in the meantime... you do know that one's liver can and does regenerate itself, don't you? Only organ in the body that self repairs. It has to be five sixths banjaxed before it becomes unable to do so any more.

I mention this purely for comfort (and devilment) reasons, because sometimes what a woman needs to get a good kip is a , and I wouldn't like you to miss out.

What's your poisen, btw? Mine was red wine by preference or vodka. (I too am taking a bit of time out from alcohol, I was getting bored with it becoming an unwanted habit.

Plus, it was getting too expensive. Money here, chez Evadne is so tight lately it squeaks on climbing out of the purse

I think your first "job" is to ensure you get Good Sleep. The sort of stuff that actually makes you feel refreshed when you have to get up. Oddly enough, not drinking, after the initial lousy nights, can and does make an appreciable difference. I've found it to be so, anyway.

How do you feel about asking your GP to give you a short course of Sleeping Pills? They might well help you train your body into sleeping well and therefore relaxing you a bit more.

Failing that,... A nice warm bath before bed (add essential oils like Chamomile and lavender if you like. Ifnothing else, they smell good) and a proper ritual- ie, 15 minutes read before you turn the lights out?

Rescue Remedy? (thats Bach Flower Remedies)

Believe it or not, just *sitting there* even for 10 minutes and consciously relaxing every bit of your body can help. Speaking as one who finds it immensley difficult to be fully relaxed (due to constant physical pain, in my case) I've found that even if I can't con my body into letting it all hang out, I *can* con my mind into believing I'm all relaxed, just by doing that, a couple of times a day.

I believe I have a note of your e mail somewhere - with your permission, I'll deal with the rest that way. I used to be an aromatherapist, and I've still got a thing about client confidentiality.

I'll wait to hear - and in the meantime... no problems "listening"

I'm good at it

I agree about sleep being better without the booze. Definitely there's an improvement there, although I wake most mornings believing that I could happily have slept a further couple of hours. Work mornings of course are particularly dire, but I have to get into the rhythm otherwise I'd never get up! And I don't go to bed late - 9.30pm latest. Alarm 5.30am.

I had yesterday off - Wimbledon - and it was bliss to spend an extra day at home. Exactly what I needed. My 2012 Plan is to work a 4 day week, but right now I need all the money I can muster, so it's not on the cards. However, if Mum dies before 2012 and if there's any inheritance left, I'll do it then 2012 is also my 'buy a house and 2 acres and black labrador' year. It's going to be a cracker.

Must go to w*rk. In a workshop all day, so should get a or two if I place myself in a shadey corner of the room Oh and it's frenchbeanatgmaildotcom

Fb

Got your emails Will reply later
Fb