h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm losing...

Posted Aug 22, 2003

...everything that's ever been important to me. The general details right now don't need to be written here . The most important thing, though, is that I feel like I'm losing my best friend, my wife .

We will be married nine years September 3rd. Not a long time in some circles, a lifetime in others. But for all we've been through, I'd like to believe that nothing that can happen to us would be severe enough to push us apart. I'm quickly finding out just how wrong I am.

In today's society, unfortunately, money drives everything. Just ask any one of our creditors. Given our past, I've tried my best to not have her work. I work my regular job (3rd shift, blech), and officiate on the side to supplement funds. We both work at the local renaissance faire in the summer, but even that stresses her out too much. I just want her to have fun. I don't mind working. It helps things even out. If she never had to work a day in her life again, I'd be ecstatic.

To that end, I do what I can. I find that my sleep is being affected by all this. If I don't work, our bills don't get paid. If I don't officiate, we have no fun money. If I don't work the renaissance faire, we don't climb out of the hole that all the creditors are digging for us. Believe me, I know we're not in the worst situation, but we are living in a bedroom in my mother's house (!) Imagine the stress there.

But the highest cost of all is that fact that I'm losing if I haven't already lost my best friend. I always try to put her happiness first, giving her as much freedom as is reasonably possible. I don't own her, nor would I ever claim too. She is a patient, reasonable, angelic saint of a woman that no one can replace. Sure, we've had a few bumps in the road, but who hasn't?

I love her dearly, but keep stumbling along the way. If I'm not careful, the next time I get up, it might be alone, as she won't be there to help me. I very much don't want that to happen. I still love her dearly, but because of a marginally dysfunctional family upbringing that didn't show a lot of love and a college experience I'd rather forget, I have difficulty showing just how much she means to me. Flowers and candy only go so far. Jewelry has the potential to become predictable. I like going for the unusual. Maybe I'm stretching my bounds.

I'm at the breaking point. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm angry at myself for letting things get this far. I'll never lash out in anger at another, but I'm at my wits end. What can I do? I don't know what I'd do without her. She means that much to me.

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Latest reply: Aug 22, 2003