Captain Nemo

Want to know more about me, do you? Well you can't. That's kind of the point. Look at my name; means 'Captain No-one'. In Latin, too. Isn't that clever! The only established facts are available as a result of the treachery of that b*****d Dr. Aronnax and his friends, who stayed with me and enjoyed my hospitality for several months before running away and abandoning me in a gigantic whirlpool. Decidedly ungrateful. Anyway, the salient facts are as follows:

After a tragedy involving the rest of my family which I don't intend to go into right now, I decided, as you do, to build an enormous submarine called the Nautilus and run away for ever. It had all the usual fixtures and fittings (propellor, conning tower, Nintendo system) plus an enormous spike on the front. Thought it might come in useful in my plans to wreak revenge on the entire human race, from which I had decided to separate myself for ever while living a quiet existence under the waves with only my crew of similarly disaffected multi-nationals for company. Unfortunately, after a couple of nasty 'accidents' involving other vessels, the world which I had rejected began to take notice of me and, thinking I was a gigantic whale (not comprehending the genius that built the Nautilus) sent out a ship to destroy me. The upshot of that was my capture of three of its passengers; Aronnax, his excruciatingly annoying manservant Conseil and a whaler called Ned whom I never really got on with either. Obviously I kept the last two basically confined to their cabins for our journey, but took Aronnax on a magical mystery tour through areas of the globe never seen by man (except me, obviously). Of course, I couldn't let any of them leave the Nautilus, otherwise they would reveal my existence to the world and endanger the independence and separation which I had come to love. So I was understandably pissed off when they jumped ship just off the coast of Norway and Aronnax published his story of our adventures together. Fortunately no-one took him seriously and the Nautilus continues its journeys today, its isolation only slightly compromised by the necessity of hacking into some undersea telephone lines in order to use H2G2, my one remaining link with the world I hate so much. That and the occasional chat with my similarly nautical friend Cornelius Vanderdecker.


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Captain Nemo

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