h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Its that time of year when friends who don't live local to each other tend to get in touch, by card, letter, or phone. I had one of those calls today, from my friend Ann who I've known over 20 years now; she and her husband originally were my landlords when I lived in Eire, and we became friends soon afterwards. Ann and I had a lot in common and saw each other thru quite a few ups and downs, and even when I moved back to Britain, in the early 90s we still kept in touch.

Its tapered off a bit, obviously, but we still tend to get in touch around Christmas and swap news of our doings, and Ann keeps me up to date with life in Westport - sons and daughters marrying, her new grandchildren,(she has 9, now, with another one on the way) who's married who in town, and how other mutual friends are getting on.

So when the phone rang, this afternoon, and Tom got there before me to answer it, I was pleased when I heard him say "Is that you Ann?" with a big grin on his face, and listen to him chat with her for a bit - a young man of nearly 20, precis-ing the last 15 years of his life into about 2 minutes. Then his face fell, and he ummed and arred a bit, said "Wow Ann, that's harsh - I'll pass you onto mum"

We got the hallos over with, and then Ann told me her husband has cancer of the osgophacus(sp?); he was diagnosed in October this year, and has had a lot of chemo and radiography treatments since then; he's been let home for Christmas, and then it's off to Dublin (which is about 250 miles from where they live, on the West Coast of Eire) for an 8 hour operation, and a 5 week stay, to recover. Apparently, unless there is a good chance of him recovering, he wouldn't have been candidate for an op, so although its pretty severe news, it's not without a small spark of hope. The operation sounds absolutely horrendous.

Poor Ann - she's not had an easy life; she's had more than her fair share of health problems, of family dramas and a lot of hardship in her life. Shes not had the happiest of marriages, and yet she's always managed to appear serene and strong. I often wonder how she manages to be that way, because its no act, thats her.

She's one of Natures Nice People. Which is why, I suppose, Nature dumps such a lot of crap onto her; shes strong and she apparently can cope. No point in dumping rubbish onto those who'll run, hide or generally fall to bits at the first sign of trouble, after all.

So there's my friend Ann, holding it all together, liasing with the hospital, reassuring/nursing her husband, putting a brave front on for her adult children and the grandkids. And she's no chicken - I think she turns 60 on January 1st. I wonder where she'll get the energy from to drive to Dublin and visit Joe, as well as run the farm they own; I wonder how much support she'll get from her kids, all of whom have busy, complicated lives themselves. She'll manage, of that I have no doubt, because thats what shes good at - but at what cost to her self? I wonder that, too.

I've offered to go over to give her a bit of company, if she wants it, because thats about all I can think of doing to be of practical help to her; she said she'd let me know when she knew a little more of how things were going.

This is going nowhere, really, is it? In a nutshell, a friend who lives a country away is sad, in misery, and her husband is pretty darned ill.

And there is absolutely nothing I can do to help really.

But I do wish there was.

Sometimes it's enough knowing there's someone there,in case you need them,and that they care.
Keep in touch a little more often,and just listen if she rings you,talkinng's good!!
I hope her hubbys op goes well,and that he makes a good recovery

Sometimes it is Sal - for the person who's in schtuck.

And Ann knows I care anyway, which is why, I suppose she got in touch with such awful tidings Thats one of the many reasens one has friends, I guess.

But there are times - and this is one of 'em - I wish I had one of them magic wand things so I could all the rubbish away from her.

And from anyone else I know and care about who's having a crap time, come to that.

I find it easy to do the "There there there" business and say the right sympathetic things. I'm rather good at that, apparently. Especially over the phone. Talkings easy.

So I'd much prefer to *do* something practical for her. Like find a cure for cancer, or something useful. like provide a farm manager, or a chauffuer, or someone to help around the house, so its one less bit of hassle for her.

Its not that difficult to say nice things after all. So, although it might make a difference to Ann - which is the important part, it leaves me feeling vauguely wanting.

Ah well.

I'll give her a bell a bit more often, I guess. I can do that, at least.

Just to keep things tidy, I suppose.

Joe's operation in January was a sucsess and he had a good summer. 6 weeks ago he became very ill and lost a vast amount of weight, and it was discovered a week ago the cancer had travelled to his liver.

He died last Saturday and was buried Monday last.

R.I.P Joseph Burns

my sympathies