h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just stopped by to say a personal hello to you since we seem to co-incide on many threads.

I really like the way you debate - it is always mostly unemotional and always clear and intelligent.

I know you and I had to clear a few issues up on the abortion thread awhile ago and I was very impressed that you actually read what I had to say and saw it for what it was. It is often a bit hard to express oneself on this forum without being misunderstood. And so, I did appreciate your attempts to understand me and not just write me off.


az

Hello Az! Sorry I took so long to reply. I don't look at my PS that often (I usually go to my Postings last 30 posts page) so I've only just seen your message

Thank-you for your kind thoughts . I'm glad we had that chat on the Abortion thread as well. I've been enjoying getting to know you better. I like the deeper understanding that comes when you get to know someone's background and perspective from a variety of posts and threads.

I think that you bring a unique perspective to the abortion thread, especially because you are willing to share from your personal experience. It takes courage to do that in a thread that has a lot of judgements in it.

As for my posting unemotional, lets just say that I think I've gotten better at letting myself have my emotional reaction/response at home, and then posting from a less charged place perhaps (although I still do post reactively as well at times).

One of the thing I love about h2 is that it has really challenged me to look at how I communicate - that is an ongoing process


kea.

Hmmm . . . so many people have told me how *brave* I was to post my personal stuff on that thread. Heck, I even did it twice. The first time I mostly cringed afterwards thinking I'd made a fool of myself by getting so emotional (think I'd had the better part of a bottle of wine at the time ). The second time it was to clearly answer your question.

But it never felt difficult to do - to 'share' my experience, as it were. I guess because I totally don't give a flying f**k how anyone might judge me for what I had to do. I just thought it might shut a few people up who felt they could speak without knowledge of what it is like to have to go through an unwanted termination. Of course, this didn't happen, but what the heck.

In fact, most people still don't get that it *was* an unwanted termination - that I only did it because of the serious health risks involved. They seem to think I am simply a 'pro-choicer' who has previously had an elective termination. Well, whatever.

Yes, I also like honing my debating skills on hootoo. Though sometimes it backfires when I get maybe *too* unemotional. Well, I know that Della has previously accused me of acting 'superior' on the god thread. And sometimes others think the same and - weird - feel they need to 'knock me down a notch or two'. But that is only me being very detached because sometimes I need to be.

The best is when I find I 'get' somebody's sense of humour here, especially when it is very ironic. That totally cracks me up, because often others don't catch on. Anyhow, yes, it is quite fun being here most of the time.

Are you from NZ?

az

Yes, I'm in NZ. You've been in Spain a while now, yeah?

The other thing about you having shared your experience is that no-one can argue with that really. It gives a reality to the thread otherwise missing. Wierd to have had a few people turn up lately and say they think that no-one on the thread could have any experience.

It's interesting to think about one's own posting style. I often wonder how I come across. It's quite hard to tell. I'm not getting to know anyone here at a really personal level, in the sense that most of my contact is in debate style or silly threads. So it's not like you get a sense of how you come across, like you do in personal relationships in real life.

When I was first on h2 and posting madly everwhere, I knew I was being over the top, but I loved the energy of so much debate. I think often I rode roughshod over what other people were trying to say, not because I was being rude or antagonistic, but simply because I said so much and with such intensity. But I really have no idea how it was for other people. I did learn to slow down and listen and engage with people more.

Also I can see how easy it is to misinterpret the tone of what someone is saying, not to mention the content! I guess there is so much more care needed in online communication.

I think being detached can be a good thing. I really enjoy it when I'm in a thread where the debate is hot, and someone will come along and drop in this uncharged, thoughtful, offbeat post that makes me stop and really think about what is going on.

Not sure what has been happening with you in the god thread (I decided early on to not even go there!). The idea of knocking someone down a notch or two sounds like insecurity on their part perhaps?

I've tried dry humor bordering on irony a few times, especially without the use of smileys. Hard to say if people got it or not. Sometimes I quite like the challenge of communicating something inferred or felt without resorting to smileys. Mostly it's easier though to add a pic or two.

kea.

Oh, it's always lovely when Friday afternoon rolls around.

Yes, I've been living in Spain for almost twelve years, so this really *is* home for me now.

As for posting style, I find that the people who 'object' to me here are people I don't really want to have anything to do with anyhow. The people I like and respect always seem to 'get' me. So, this is good.

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Well, they obviously just jumped in without reading any of the backlog. I mean honestly, how could a thread on 'abortion' get up to over 1600 postings without *anyone* posting there who had had a termination??? I was very impressed that psychocandy read the entire backlog before posting her story! Meanwhile, people don't need to read all of it at this point, but at least the first ten or so and last ten or so pages.

I remember I also jumped in around posting 300 after having only read the first page and I was bluntly told by Hoovooloo to go back and read the whole thing - so I did. Mind you, I wasn't offering opinions on my first posting, only asking what this supposed PBA was supposed to be all about. And Hoo, quite rightly, told me not to waste everybody's time and do some more reading myself first.

Re: the god thread. Well, as it is now about 18,000 postings long it would be ridiculous to think that anyone would read all of that. But I've been on that thread since I started here on hootoo (a year ago March) and although I don't post there a lot these days I keep up with the postings and actually feel quite at home there. In fact, I have met some of my best hootoo friends on that thread.

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My experience is quite different. I think I have got to know a few very good friends here on quite a personal level. With them I also email and chat on msn and sometimes even talk on the phone. One friend even came here for his holidays last summer (renting a room in my extra flat next door) and he is returning here in July for another holiday with his girlfriend.

I guess the thing I have been learning here most recently is to not take personal attacks against me personally. And I think I have more or less got the hang of that. It helps having friends like blicky and Member backing me up when I need backing up.

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Most definitely. I sometimes get this happening to me in RL as well. My very best friends are all very strong and secure (and often quite challenging) people who think I am wonderful and the people I somehow 'threaten' are totally insecure and tend to use me as an emotional projection screen! However, not my problem.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking. I turned 47 in January.

az

I turned 38 a few months ago. I'm looking forward to my 40s actually - that thing of finding that the older I get the less worried I am about being a certain kind of person.


I've always been the stroppy type too, although I have had a lot of friends who aren't that strong or secure in themselves and it has created problems in the past.

One of the things that is new to me on h2 is that sometimes people are quite rude to each other. Mostly this is not directed at me, so I just get to watch it happen. There are several researchers that I don't respond to when they post to me, because they are so antagnostic in their way of communicating and (a) I can't be bothered with it, and (b) I'm not actually sure how to relate with someone like that.

In real life if someone I didn't know very well talked to me like that I'd be telling them that I didn't like being talked to in that way. If it was someone I knew well then I'd give them shit back probably, but in that situation I'd have a sense of the person and to what extent the rudeness was intended to hurt me and to what extent it was just the persons style (I know a few people like that ).

Online I find it more difficult because usually I don't know the person very well. Mostly any attempts to address the rudeness are met with more rudeness so I've given up in the meantime.


The whole Della/Ap vs blicky/member thing has been interesting. I'm often quite shocked at how della and ap. have posted. Then I'm surprised at how blicky etc respond - that they choose to engage in the argument (although blicky has said that he enjoys the battle I think).

I find it educational to watch (sometimes it gets annoying when it spills into other threads).


Sometimes when I watch Brittish tv I am amazed at how rude people are to each other. I have often wondered if it's just a dramatic licence thing, but now I'm thinking that it may be a cultural thing. Americans are definitely considered much more direct in NZ. NZers are really way too nice (although that doesn't explain about della and ap ).


>>I guess the thing I have been learning here most recently is to not take personal attacks against me personally. And I think I have more or less got the hang of that. <<

I think this takes alot of skill, or maybe its something that people develop. I still find it difficult if people are directing negative stuff to me specifically.

STROPPY??! Moi?

Actually, I think I was quite stroppy-ish back in my twenties but now I've mellowed considerably. Mostly can't be bothered anymore letting people upset me.

Hey, did you know that once you turn forty you can officially become a Wise Woman? It's true! And you know, there are TWO THINGS one can say about the Wise Woman. ONE - that she's wise! And TWO - that she is a woman!!! (blackadder).

As for rudeness here, I don't really come across it very often. Like you, I mostly sit back and watch the fireworks when it happens. The other day someone was quite rude to me on the god thread and I finally told her that I was not going to play that game and wished her luck finding someone who would. Then of course she wrote back calling *me* rude! Snore.

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I wasn't surprised in the least. It's their usual way. As for Member, he seems to be trying to elevate rudeness to an 'artform' . Quite often I disagree with him and tell him so (and then reach for my tin hat!) The difference is that Member *is* reasonable in the sense that if you give him a good reason for disagreeing with him he can accept it with good grace. But Della will never do this.

Blicky does enjoy a good verbal tussle, it must be said. And the occasional times I have felt he overstepped I have actually spoken to him off-thread or by email to tell him so. And again, he always accepts this with good grace and will even sometimes go back to the thread (usually involving an argument with Della) and say that he had overstepped.

I got involved in a very long chat with Della on her page over this recent incident and tried everything I knew to try and make her see reason. But her version of an 'apology' was to say it wasn't her fault that she assumed blicky would have done such a thing, so once again, nothing was 'her fault'.

Did you happen to see the death threat before it was removed? I made a copy of it for blicky in case he missed it (I'm always up quite early, long before the UK people get online). Really, *that* was totally unbelievable! Such anger and hatred expressed. It quite chilled my blood.

Meanwhile, the abortion thread has gone all quiet again. I think my last couple of links posted there should have got *some* sort of response. I even told CS that she had been right about the 24-week limit in the UK (which previously I thought was 12 weeks based on the global law link I had posted before). And I posted that to back her up. Yet, no response.

Anyhoodle, today is a public holiday and a gorgeous sunny day and I am mostly stuck at home nursing a bad back . Would love to be out riding my bike, but . . .

Well, nice chatting with you. Talk to you anon, as they say.

az

at Blackadder's take on becoming a wise woman at 40. I'll have to remember that.


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I wasn't surprised in the least. It's their usual way.

As for Member, he seems to be trying to elevate rudeness to an 'artform' . Quite often I disagree with him and tell him so (and then reach for my tin hat!) The difference is that Member *is* reasonable in the sense that if you give him a good reason for disagreeing with him he can accept it with good grace. But Della will never do this.
<<<

I first met Della and Ap in the NZ convos and they weren't like that at all, so I've had a different perspective I guess. However I have seen a lot of their posts elsewhere - my continuing shock isn't that I don't expect it, it's just that thing of how antagonistic it is.

Member on the other hand seems to be consistently rude . It's good to know that you think he is reasonable - I'll keep an eye out for that. I just don't have the energy for the initial rudeness and see it as completely unnecessary. I really don't get why people communicate like that.

I think Ap's actions of late (impersonating blicky) are totally unacceptable, and I'm glad he is taking a break from the site.
It's a shame that Della hasn't been able to give some ground on this by apologising for her overreaction. It seems that on all fronts everyone wants to be right and no-one wants to find peace.


>>Did you happen to see the death threat before it was removed? I made a copy of it for blicky in case he missed it (I'm always up quite early, long before the UK people get online). Really, *that* was totally unbelievable! Such anger and hatred expressed. It quite chilled my blood. <<

I didn't see the threat before it got removed, but I'd be very interested if you want to post it here. Alot of the subsequent conversations didn't really make sense because I hadn't seen the threat.


>>Meanwhile, the abortion thread has gone all quiet again. I think my last couple of links posted there should have got *some* sort of response. I even told CS that she had been right about the 24-week limit in the UK (which previously I thought was 12 weeks based on the global law link I had posted before). And I posted that to back her up. Yet, no response. <<

My sense is that CS isn't very interested in the debate - I responded to several of her early posts, asking questions etc, but she never replied. She seems mostly interested in posting her opinions but not explaining them.

I think the abortion thread is just havng a lull - I imagine it'll take off again.

Hope your back is better. It's a beautiful day here today - I've been lying in the sunny garden

Hmmm, don't think I should post the death threat here since it was already yikesed once (and you never know who is lurking). But if you give me an email address I can send it to you that way.

az

Or not, as the case may be . . .

az

nah, I've just been ill this week and not up to much. I don't really want to post my email here permanently. Maybe one day when we're both online at the same time I'll put it up on my PS for 5 or 10 mins and let you know. I'm not really in a hurry to do this, just if it happens. I'm sure I'll survive it I don't get to read the post in question

Feeling better?

Here is my hootoo email. I just use it here if people want to get in touch by email. That way, if anything weird happens I can just leave it and start a new one.

azaharh2g2 (at) yahoo (dot) com

az

Thanks az

It'll probably be the weekend or even next week before I get to do anything - some things in RL preoccupying me at the moment. I've hardly been on h2 in the last 4 days! Some catching up to do

cheerio,
kea.

In case you are interested:

F119314?thread=421977&post=5326942#p5326942




az

hey az

I haven't been around much lately, but seem to be back now. I love your h2 photo gallery! I got to have a good look through this afternoon. It's strange seeing real life versions of hootoo characters. Nice though.

Hope to catch up soon,


kea.

Well, please also feel welcome to join us!

az

nah, I'm definitely going incognito on the net. The best I could do is http://www.doc.govt.nz/images/kea1.jpg but that'll be copyright.

If I had the technology I'd send you one of my own kea photos....maybe next time I get a film developped I'll get it onto disc and I can email it.

I just put a link to your photo album on my PS, as I seem to be dropping by quite a bit. Hope that is ok.

It's looking great btw


kea.

Yes, that's just fine, kea.

I do like it being a more word-of-mouth between friends thing rather than actually 'advertising' it on the front page, as some people have suggested.

I've actually received quite a few photos from people I've never even heard of before and they tell me they are a friend of so-and-so and how they would also like to be in the album. And so it's also a nice way to meet new people. But throwing it open to the whole of h2g2, it being such a huge site, might end up with me being inundated with photos from total strangers that nobody knows. Not that that would especially be a *bad* thing, I just prefer the comfy way it has been growing by word-of-mouth.

The thread is also a lot of fun with everybody just popping in from time to time and starting up all sorts of interesting conversations. Main topics of discussion thus far have been 'hair, sex and food'.

Well, feel free to drop in on the thread even if you don't want to have your photo in the album. I mean, sometimes someone might stop in and just say 'I've had a really crap day' and explain why and this leads to a whole other conversation. It's quite lovely, really.



az

Oh good, I'll drop by

I can make the link on my PS less obvious too if necessary.

I was finding it interesting the number of people in the photo album I didn't know. I'll start having a look at their PSs I think. It's interesting to see how networks of people build .