Journal Entries
Bed
Posted Feb 9, 2003
There is something incredibly relaxing about lying in bed, wide awake but not moving, idly pondering things. I did this for almost two hours this afternoon. It seems like the first time in many days I've actually had the opportunity to lie back and think clearly about everything.
Anyway .. it was quite fruitful. Now, it seems, I have a general plan for life rather than spending it randomly wandering down whichever path is easiest.
Figuring it out was a curious process. I eliminated everything I definitely do not want to do, and what was left was a very general set of goals and vague ideas. Flesh them out a bit with a bit of practicality, and a plan is born.
Oh, and part of the plan is that I can't tell anyone exactly what the plan is. Haha.
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Latest reply: Feb 9, 2003
This weekend ...
Posted Jan 27, 2003
... has been rather different to most. Usually I just take the opportunity to lie in bed until the late afternoon, then do something boringly nocturnal in the evening and early morning. That is, I'm lazy and unsocial, most weekends.
But this Saturday just gone I went to the meet in London. And I have to say, what a pleasant experience it was. I met a load of cool people and had a cracking time with them. You funny buggers, the lot of you!
'Tis nice to put so many faces to names, too. Suddenly, they go from disembodied generic voices to being actual real people. I find it's really helpful to be able to picture people as people when I talk to them.
So, yeah, the meet was good. Getting back home was hassle though, Laura and I missed the last train back by about two minutes. Fortunately Pastey let us crash as his for the night.
And today was even better. Had another little meet in my house, we invited friends around to eat and stuff, and that was similarly pleasant. These are people I've known for years but hardly ever see, so, yep.
Some of us went for an exciting bit of urban exploration later on. I would post more on this but that would just be, well .. admitting stuff, heh.
Overall, I give this weekend 7 out of 11. Or maybe 6. (Low score? I suppose so .. 'cause despite my favourable report above, it wasn't all good - unfortunately I'm pretty damn good at getting stressed about other people's problems. But .. uh .. yeah. I'll shut up now.)
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Latest reply: Jan 27, 2003
This is uncanny ...!
Posted Jan 6, 2003
My girlfriend and I split up last night.
I am quite stunned.
Not because it happened. The breaking up itself wasn't too much of a surprise.
And not because any dodgy circumstances were revealed at the same time. They weren't - and I am certain that there aren't any.
No, what confounds me is how unpleasant the experience wasn't. It has to be the most amicable, comfortable break-up I have ever experienced.
There is no anger. No feelings of hatred. No smouldering rage. No urges to throw acid in people's faces.
It seems so bizarre.
But the best thing is, we both feel like this. She mentioned today that she's more relaxed than she's been in days.
Just before we broke up we had the most fantastically deep conversation about people and the nature of relationships and stuff. We really got into each other's minds on the subject - it was an intriguing discussion.
Then I went for a bath and a few minutes after finishing that, she rings back. She sounds tense.
"You know we were talking about relationships being finite? Well .. I'd like it to be finite - right now."
I was momentarily surprised - I hadn't quite expected that this soon. But it made sense. We discovered that we had both independently been thinking about breaking up with each other at around the same too.
Thus it ended.
The essence of this weirdness is that the relationship has ended, but the friendship remains. This is a new experience for me - previous break-ups have involved a lot of hurt and bad feeling on both sides, with not a chance of reconciling as friends. I am so glad that it is not the case this time.
I think the main reasons why this situation has been possible are that we were honest and open with other, and no trust was breached.
Right then, that's all I have to say at the moment. Time for lunch!
P.S. Laura, I hope you don't mind me posting this!
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Latest reply: Jan 6, 2003
The Guy With The Brown Hat
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