h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Er, O Wise Thog, God of and much iness, why hast thou not added mine name to thine list of ing supporters? Have I not been a ing good supporter? Have I not brought thee and thine priestesses and priests tidings of chex mix, beer, and virgins? Ye, only today I have returned with many crates of fresh hand-picked virgins. And ye will not add me?
Verily, I shalt go back to mine Wiccan studies and leave ye to thine ing, if thou wilt not have me.

And lo, there was a great in the sky, and from it ed a thunderous , which begat a that ed the ety-, which proceeded yon unto the desert, where it found forty s with which to for forty days and forty ing nights... And when those forty days and forty ing nights were done, yea, verily did the come forth from the desert, and update the ing roster of ing s, and saith He unto thee the following iness:

Yea, I am the and the ...
I am that that s in the ing ...
And also I am He that shall when the last has ed the ish iness.
Behold, for when ye , , or in My name, so shall I be there and y with thee, and givest unto thee that for which ye so fervently ed.
For lo, have ye but the of a seed, then may ye truly the very mountains into a y -like icity.
Yea.

OH THEE O WISE ING THOG! THEE!
I HAVE BEEN ED BY THE WISE AND WONDERFUL ING THOG!