h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have begun to eat buns when I am in the sun.
I have eaten tonnes so far and it is quite fun.
When I look out of my window, I saw a group of Huns.
They were crying and telling each other puns.
Then they started to laugh at their gaffes.
When they stopped laughing the huns saw a group of giraffes.
The giraffes were drawing a graph of a calf with a staff.
The calf held out a gun and said atten'shun.
So me, the huns, the giraffes and the calf stood to attention.

I'm swimming in green fluorescent ink.
It's making it too hard to think.
If I had an idea,
I'd head for Ikea,
And buy nice new kitchen sink.

Oh Paul Oh
My Goodness
1000 poems since I last looked in.
Obama Oh
You ousted Bush
And this day you booked in!

Moses heard a mighty "Whoosh",
Turned round and saw
A burning Bush.
Obama's in the White House now -
We heard him take that solemn vow.
He'll no doubt have the final shout,
The Bush has now been quite put out!

Zaphod Thring

When mighty nation fall
The world may stall
As mighty oak hits ground
Forest cushions sound

A team is more than just one man
Hysteria yells drowning out a fan
Rome was not built just in one day
To believe in one there’s a price to pay

Let us savour the moment, winternights
There's plenty of time for the reckoning.
A new president, who isn't white,
May mean that Destiny's beckoning.

A king may dream of a promised land
And lead his people in that direction.
It takes a team, that we understand,
But the captain must have the fans' affection.

I would love to have a bacon sandwich.
If I could not buy it locally, I would go as far as Ipswich.
To have the most tastiest of sandwiches.
It is wonderous indeed, what sheer bliss.
I would go to my local bank, the Woolwich.
To take enough money to buy my special delicacy.
The best sandwiches are made by a lady called Tracy.
It is something that I would try not to miss.
I recall the delicate taste of the ketchup as I reminisce.
The tomato sauce covering the succulent bacon.
Without this culinary joy, I am left feeling foresaken.

That's really good, TT!

Jabs

Durnit TT! Now I'm going to have to go and put on the frying pan!

All hail the sandwich made from bacon.
Season it well with sauces and herbs.
Drink some cognac with it if you're forsaken.
Lord knows there's not much to do in the 'burbs.

Thanks Jabs

Have you ever dreamed of being a high flying sales executive.
You must be obssessed with lap-tops and always be hyperactive.
Always churning out new buzz words and mission statements.
Having daily meetings with various departments.
With your diary packed full of appointments.
Your highlight of the week is when you receive your sales endorsements.
Your team will be given various sales targets.
When you reach them you will be rewarded with expensive gadgets.

Hail to the chief. he will end our grief.
Hope, optimism which will bring our relief.
After many years of waiting, the dream has come true.
A beacon for us in these dark times, I say a heartfelt thank you.

EL D

Sir Francis Bacon enjoyed his snacks.
He would eat as he read from his various almanacks.
Francis would always ask for roast boar.
He would eat it when he came ashore.
After dining at a banquet, he would sleep and snore.
His love of all things pork was truly all consuming.
At breakfast he had bacon and when it was brought to him, he was always charming.
Sir Francis Bacon wrote a great deal and was full of many creative thoughts.
Through his life experience and the many books he read, he changed the life of others.
His political life he had many battles which he fought and by him we learn the important lessons in life which he taught.

Oh pig what are we to think of this
A murky hole and your life is bliss
Folk name themselves after your meat
Mr Lamb and those Woolly souls do bleat

Who thought of putting you between slice of bread
A butcher bet, let no more be said
So continue in your rambling way
Oh pig eat well and in your muck you lay

If pigs were free to choose,
Would they want to have mud on their shoes?

They are the earth movers
Pink, porkers who act like Hoovers
Not too fuzzy this grunting lot
Its not their feet but what dropped from bot

On the hills and in the dales,
See the things with curly tails.

Curly tails, big fat snails
Cows in field, harvest yield
Farmer happy, because of EC chappy