h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I find it a bore waiting at the door,
for arrival of my shopping from the grocery store,
so I fall fast asleep and begin to snore,
until I woken with the delivery of slices of roast boar,
and double cream which I pour,
over berries and other types of fruit which I adore.

Paul, 5056 was supposed to be satire.

It's the way the world is, not how it should be.



Jabs

Joke not or signify other
Is it really that bad?
Mockery has blown their cover
Expose yourself you cad

Indicate and entice your bait
No common so shown clear here
Politics you can debate
Topical issues are not so clear

Collection of themes are spun
Voices torment in follies
Subjection to mockery begun
Are we all losing our trolleys?

There is a world....somewhere.
It's somewhat different for each of us.
We have different causes about which we care.
Different things make us kick up a fuss.

The lady sipping her tea and petting her cat
May live next to a serial killer. Think of that!

Poor old puss
That lady next door did fuss
Yet planning revenge only next door
A pet less man what a bore
Did spike some food with arsenic
Puss ate the breakfast food and the bucket did kick
Reported in the papers next day
Typo error “Cereal killer must pay”

I like to appear cool and hip,
even when I'm having a short kip.
I like to put lip balm on lips,
and then eat a big bag of chips.
I like to skip around the ship,
and keep my grip when I start to flip,
making sure that I don't slip,
when I raise a glass of to sip,
reading the Marvel comic strip.

Is the glass of half empty or half full?
Does the black sheep have six half-bags of wool?

Eating creme brulee whilst listening to the donkeys bray,
on the sandy beach of Sandy bay,
reading a lay about the dray that go astray,
who drank too much and got stone drunk at Renee's buffet.

He was from another planet,
Which explained his quirks.
He spread hash on the floor
As a rug -- did he think it works?

Janet came from another planet,
where everyone was brunette,
and ate sandwiches made with baguettes,
as well as ice cream cornets.

Wasps and hornets love jam and ice-cream cornets
Whereas the bumble bees carry honey on their knees
The humble hover-fly is known to hover then to die
The butterfly is fast but you know it cannot last
Not like the wicked moth who will dine on finest cloth
And although you love a bug he would not expect a hug
The grasshopper, of all things, plays the fiddle as he sings
Now you shouldn't start a fight with the creatures of the night

Always look under the bed before you turn out the light.

My coneflowers have started to blossom,
With their huge pink daisy-like blooms.
Their stems soar like skyscrapers -- awesome!
They attract the bumblebee, which zooms.

I'm growing a great tall pink hollyhock
Taller than me, now don't you mock
It's taller than you and me together
I must make it a stake lest there's a change in the weather
I never planted it, it is a self seeder
That was missed by the fork and ignored by the weeder
Now the sun is shining and it's climbing to the sky
The sparrows all love it but they never say why.

There is a foal called Edna that likes to bowl
on the village green and hug the bole
of a tree when there's a break
in the game and have a cup of tea and a slice of cake
whilst been watching by her friend Boris the mole
who's a big fan of soul music and of rock and roll
which he listens to when watching the game of bowls
on his portable c.d. player whilst eating sandwiches provided by a troll.

Be nice to horses, grasshoppers, and bees.
Enjoy the sparrows who fly in the breeze.
Don't use your cell phone. Its signals block
The bees' return trip from the hollyhock.

Be kind to The British on the forth of July
We never meant to upset you neighbour
You threw tea in the harbour, We'll never know why
We are so sorry, was it the wrong flavour?

Let bygones be bygones. The Revolution
Is yesterday's news.
The tea in Boston Harbor wasn't a solution,
But more an effort to confuse.

I got confused once
Didn’t know what about
Couldn’t make sense of it
I think I had a doubt
Had to ask my mum
Dad gave out a shout
“I’m only asking”, I said
Oops, I got another clout

Confusion sits like a dark, damp cloud
On an exasperated mountain top.
It speaks gibberish to itself -- aloud,
And nothing can be done to make it stop.

My feet ache when I walk around the lake,
eating a raspberry shortcake,
looking at a duck drake and a grass snake,
who are both relaxing and having a break,
by drinking glasses of mixed berry milk shake,
and both dreaming of eating steamed hake,
or having grilled aberdeen agnus steak,
as they both try and give and take,
about who should eat what and make sure none of them make a mistake,
and only to be given a large cake all covered in chocolates flakes.
So they must keep their eyes open and both keep wide awake,
and a look out for mandrakes who are very partial to eating pancakes.