h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The rain falls
With droplets large and small,
Spattering in the night
As I type
This poem
And wrestle
My demons,
Who are color-coordinated.......

The wind did blow while we were in the sack
And in the morning windsocks have gone slack
The rain has gone away, the sun is back
Don your tee shirt, put away your mack
In the nets they'll give that ball a whack
In the sack-race I have got the sack
Olympic urges surges down the track
Eager children run to school and back
Making up for learning that they lack
Cocks will crow, and little ducks will quack.

Getting through that shell was tough
Hope the rest of life's not rough

A day like no other
With mild zephyrs blowing,
And rose-scented air
Everywhere,
Except where peonies
Perfume the breeze.

Sunlight gentle
Filters through thin clouds.
One walks through delicious shade
Where robins played
Ten minutes earlier.

I don't want to face the world
I'd rather stay in bed
Listening to the radio
And voices in my head

I may seem like a moron
Lying here with Radio 4 on
But in Just a Minute I'll be fine
There'll be no more hesitation
Repetition, deviation
When I realize the truth of Nietzsche's line*
There'll be no repetition
When I find a real mission
Cuz then I know I'll get things right first time
There'll be no deviation
Once I've found my true vocation
And the happiness I'm seeking will be mine

But until then there's comfort in red wine <redwine&gt;

* A Yes, a No, a straight line, a goal - the formula for my happiness

Just stop, for a minute,
before going down the rubbish chute,
as you make the salute,
holding a bowful of fresh fruit,
as you think ways of becoming more hirsuite,
making you look astute especially with a new three piece suite,
along with a pair of wellington boots,
as you wait for the arrival of the high-flying business recruits,
as you try to compute the squre root of a flute.

All of this makes you smile as you think about the river Nile,
where your imagination became very fertile,
and help develop your expressive style,
on writing about dreams of building a pyrmaid on a isle,
in your mansion's grounds where you meet up with the rank and file,
of the egyptologists who have all got a tidy pile.
They are all very agile as well as being very docile.
when faced with a crocodile driving an automobile.

They recruits become so very serious, and very fastidious,
after digesting too much chocolate making everything seem so mysterious,
as they become very cautious about being curious,
about trying new foods even though they may taste delicious,
especially when wearing heals that are so high,
that they want to join in with the fae,
and learn how to fly on the sly,
but only after a few glasses of eau de vie.

I don't want to face the world ever,
So I've deluded myself into thinking
It has ceased to exist. This seems clever
Until I go outside and smell it stinking.

Everybody look to their left
and pretend that you are all deft,
and that you'll never be bereft,
so go and shout yeah to the bear,
that likes to stare at those who are at prayer,
praying for a few pints of beer .

Everybody look to their right,
and pretend that you all have had a fright,
and that they have all been bestowed with second sight,
which has increased their height,
and helped them become more forthright.

So go and shout ha to Francois,
whenever he's playing croquet with the fey.
Can you feel when the mare shouts yeah when trotting around the village square.
So don't despair as there'll be lessons on how to be debonair,
and lectures on the works of Voltaire all taken by Ray.

We're paying with our creative imagination tonight,
as we learn how to all become a playwright,
and write with all our might,
about our adventures on the Isle of Wight.

It's not about the gold, gold, gold,
it's about breaking the cultural mould.
and it's not about doing what you're told,
but it's about keeping the best of the old,
and becoming one of the artistic fold.

It's not about the treasure,
it's about the amount of leisure,
that we can have and about personal closure.
It's about life's one big adventure,
and returning to the traditional ways of agriculture.

It's not about the money, money, money,
it's about Sydney and Whitney,
and their time in Orkney,
where they spent the time eating baloney,
and pancakes topped with honey.
We don't need your money, money, money,
we just want the weather to become very sunny,
and the arrival of Bugs Bunny who's very funny.

We just want to make the world dance,
and put them into one big trance,
as they improve their stance,
and their finance and perchance for a fine romance,
and they might have a lucky chance,
to go on holiday to France.

Forget about the Price Tag,
but never your big baggy handbag.
It's about getting over jet lag,
and learning how to brag,
that you always waive the flag,
whenever you've buy the daily rag.

Ain't about the uh,
it's about those who think that they are pooh-bah,
who whenever they find the white metallic element ca,
shout out huh and duh.

So go and shout out cha-chang cha-chang,
when wanting to join the cool gang,
and learning a new forms of slang,
and the ways of the people of Shenyang,
to trade in various aromatherapy oils which include ylang-ylang.

So where have you been?
You left here at ten,
Returning at four in the morning?

Your dinner got cold,
So I went and sold
It to somebody over in Corning.

Woo ah, mercy mercy me,
why do you all shout out gee or whoopee,
when you are all trying to improve your repartee,
so that you'll be invited to afternoon tea.

Ah things ain't what they used to be, no no,
when men who are not related call each other bro,
and won't share their recipe of quadruple chocolate gateau,
not even for the price of a freshly caught turbot.

Where did all my french fries go?
Was it taken by those going to the village hall show?
If they don't buy some more for me, I'll go and make it snow,
even on the plateau where they are having a tableau at the chateau.

In the East there will be a mighty feast,
served by Dr Henry Philip McCoy otherwise known as 'The Beast'
who'll give a recital of Shakespeare and have everyone's superpowers increased.
He'll do that by supplying food which is added with a special type of yeast.
This will calm everyone's fears and have all their worries eased.

To the North everyone will go back and forth to the river Forth,
to listen to the recital of works by William Wordsworth,
and see the artwork of William Hogarth,
and go home and tell their folks by sitting by the hearth.

In the South they will try and not be uncouth,
when hearing tales of people who have travelled to Yarmouth,
especially when told by a clever primate, a belzebuth,
who will be rewarded with a few glasses of vermouth.

In the West they'll be put to the test,
to see who's the best dressed guest,
and who's blessed with the coolest looking vest.
And there'll be another test to who's got the best nest.

Woo mercy, mercy me, mercy father,
I hope that we won't all get into a lather,
about who's the smoother bather,
and who's the worst loather of duck feathers,
and of jokes and puns by Northerners.

Your french fries are safe, my dear, oh, ho!
Also your recipe for quadruple chocolate gateau.
The ransom you pay won't be much, just 100 thou,
Or we could settle for your plaid Tasmanian cow.

When you're in the slough of despond
And you don't know how to respond
You can ease your dejection
By means of injections
So throw away all of those tabs -
What we really need here is Jabs.

In April the showers stayed away
We had lots of barbecues in May
Then in flamin' June
We had a monsoon
The sun didn't shine, we couldn't make hay.

The search for Jabs goes on apace.
So far, we've just found one shoelace.
We hope he's well
With tales to tell
Of castle grand or golden vase.

Bernard the wizard that got lost in a blizzard,
where he found Busby the buzzard who had long black beard,
that was carrying a very large cheeseboard and lump of lard,
and was trying to find it's way back to his backyard.

The wizard said,"please give me your cheeseboard,
and the lump of lard for my potion of expensive nard,
as I am very fond of cheese and I am going to melt over cooked chard,
to be served with duck carnard for the reunion with the old guard.

Late one night,
When the sky wasn't light,
We heard a knock at the door.

"It's prob'ly our neighbor
Who wants to belabor
The fact that his life is a bore,"

I said to myself
(I was there with an elf),
But I opened the door anyway,

And what to my eyes
Was the oddest surprise:
Two men in white coats to take me away.

Don't worry Paul
You're a true poet
(not a lunatic)
And you're definitely
on the right side of the line
- your poetry is irrefutable evidence
That you're right, good and true.
Lunatics can't write anything but gibberish
and you're far, very far, from that,
('Pace' Dr. Johnson's misleading fine line between madness and genius)

There's plenty of badness around
To deny your natural gifts.
You have talent for writing, for real, end of.

I guess that it's only a matter of time
Before they come and take me away
I'm all on my own here, which should be sublime
But I get more demented with each passing day

I know that I shouldn't talk to the walls
And yet that's what I do all the time
That's bad enough, but the worst thing of all
Is that now I have started to do it in rhyme

There was a hobbit that had a pet rabbit,
who wore a monk's habit when trying to prove his grit.
The hobbit was called Bobbit and had a mighty wit,
and who was a great knit and made his own hunting kit.

For he was a Fallohide hobbit who was very fond of eating banana split,
and in the kitchen he was always wearing his oven mit,
and a oil lamp which he always kept lit,
for his culinary skills in the Shires made him a great hit.

As a Fallohide hobbit he travelled wide,
and he always had his wife Heather by his side.
They finally found the locations of the Ent wives,
and their lost mithril silver dinner knives.

The hobbits brought them back to Fangorn Forest,
and with the Ents they had one big fest.
and stayed with them for fourteen days,
as they learnt about their history and their ways.

Heather and Bobbit drank many pints of Ent brew,
and got taller by 28 inches making them shout out yabbadabbadoo.
They dined every day on stew and cheese fondue,
in their enchanted tent which had it's own chaise,
as inside it was big as a Great smial which attracted much praise.

I hear you, Waiting4atickle.
I see you're in a great pickle.
I hope they won't take you away.
I want to hear what you have to say.