This is the Message Centre for paulie
? Started conversation Jan 27, 2003
Hi Paulie, Did you finish the book ('I Don't Know How She Does It')? Did you decide to let Jamie read the other one ('The Lovely Bones')? How are you going with the great personal task of quitting the smokes? What are doing with all that snow and cold? I hope all is well with you and I do hope you won't mind my curiousity too much!
paulie Posted Jan 29, 2003
hey Kyaa, not yet, with finishing the book. I try to read a couple of chapters a night, but lately it's been hard to do that. With work and Jamie's busy activities calender and trying to keep up with what's going on in the world. I'm not all that successful at the last one, or the first one either I guess, but I'm at every single basketball game my kid cheers at. at least I got my priorities in line. thing is I think basketball is the most boring game in the world to watch. when it's not boring it's just stressful cause our team is losing. If Jamie would play I would enjoy it more, but she cheers. Not to say cheering is not an important part of the process, I guess, but I would rather see her on the court really competing.
She has forgotten about the book for now. Probably she won't think of it again unless I remind her, which I may at some point in the future. But not right at this time I don't think. My older daughter told me when she was a teenager that she thought I hate men. I was totally shocked that she should think that but when I thought back to all the times I warned her as she walked out the door to "watch out for weird men" or when she wasn't allowed to walk down the road alone because some bad man might grab her. I never told her to watch out for weird women I guess or worried overly much about a perverted one snatching up my kid. Well I still want this one to understand there are quite seperate risks and statistics involving rape, men, and the abduction of little girls, I am hoping to get that across without her assuming I hate men though.
Still no cigarettes, day 29, I should be overjoyed I guess. Honestly I am just depressed, not so much so I'm gonna go buy cigs, but it's sad to think I can never ever smoke another cigarette again. I think it's about like an alcoholic and a drink, once you give in and have one you're right back to the old habit. Or that's what I hear anyway. I quit smoking for four months one time and I coudln't even tell you how I ended up back to my pack a day again. It just sorta happened after I said I can smoke just one, but I couldn't.
Snow is gone, and the cold is on it's way out I hear. We are supposed to have some very mild weather in the next weeks. That's one thing that is so great about this area, right in the middle of winter you can have this warm spell when the weather is just perfect for walking and biking and stuff. There'll be more cold no doubt, but it's a nice break from it every now and then.
I don't mind the curiosity at all, but I am curious too. I can't say that I know anything about you. I'm one of those talky sorts I guess, always talking about my kids and my husband (even though they would probably rather I didn't). I know some people don't like to discuss too much of that on the internet like this. But you could give me a few trivials about you, if you don't mind. Do you live in the US, somehow I thought at some point you were from India. I am just horrible at remembering geographical information though.
You know there is one thing I would like to clear up maybe, or at least leave the impression more in line with the one I have of myself. Lately I seem to be identified by my grandparenthood more than usual. I get the "grandma" type, probably because I have jokingly referred to myself as such. But I'm not really, or I sure hope I'm not. I am 44, while this may not be young, I am not quite a senior citizen yet. My life is a lot more about my own child and bringing her up than it is my grandchild. I wonder what it is about my personality that gives people the idea I am elderly? Maybe you can help me figure that out. When my grandson was born I was barely 39, and that's not really all that young to become a grandparent. Talking to people like this it is hard to know the age level of who you're talking to, unless they just tell you. I always guess wrong too it seems, I always seem to think people are older than they turn out to be. So I guess I do it too. I do think it would make communicating easier sometimes to know at least a general age group people belong to.
? Posted Jan 29, 2003
Hiya Paulie, I hope you noticed that I dropped the Nanny! Though, I must say, you are one very young gran. It really is good to know you’re there for your young child, nay, children and grandchildren. I’ll bet the young teenager’s a handful; I say so only because of the constant challenge my own child gives me. He really is quite clever, he’s naïve, he’s trusting, he’s full of ideas, he’s shy, and he performs in front of strangers. He fills up a lot of my life; I think you feel the same way about Jamie. If he asks whether I’m living vicariously through him, I say, yes, of course, I am.
Your cautions to your child are not, in any way, to my way of thinking, unjust or sexist. As you rightly point out, the statistics speak for themselves. One can’t do enough to protect and properly empower our children so that they can grow up to be good, responsible adults. One can’t overdo the talking, arguing, kissing, hugging, trusting, watching, demanding, challenging, helping, protecting, empowering, asking help of ones children.
I firmly believe that our children will be the best gift that the vast majority of us will present to the world.
What do I know, really? But, I do agree with you that it would be better “to see her on the court competing.” Cheerleading, I have a hard time accepting it as sport. In the days there were a lot of gymnastics involved and even boys participated, maybe it had some of those attributes but, it seems to have devolved into another form of objectification of women. I am appalled by how far the pendulum has swung away from women’s rights but, I am far more distressed by the lack of a coherent response to the whittling away of all the good, the sharing, the caring, the respect, the work hours, the equal pay, etc.
Sorry, I realize I’m not being quite coherent; I think I’ve too many things on my mind and I don’t feel very cheery. I feel pummeled – no not by you; I am unwilling though, to resort to violence, even if my personal space is trespassed. And, though this is really tangential, maybe you’ll let it be thrown in here - I do mean it sincerely; I’ll take sex over violence every time – even a hug or a hug and a kiss. Oh well…. Before I forget to state it, I think your husband is a good solid man, indeed.
I am surprised to know that basketball bores you. Not me, not at all. It is frustrating to see the home team go down though, I do agree on that. No need to get stressed, just go shout, cheer and enjoy those swift movements. Well, I suppose I remember the likes of Dr. J, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, …. What stress’s me is the overly competitive and pushy parents. I can’t barely tolerate them, no ma’am.
You’ve got the will Paulie. Don’t go back to tobacco. How about you eat baby carrots instead? Our big tough looking German shepherd dog – she’s so pretty and so protective and so gentle and so gruff - loves sharing those with me. We used to have a jet black cat but he died and even though one came to us with perfect white socks, looking just like a cop car, singing just like a Caruso cat, he ended up with my son’s former music teacher; there are too many people with allergies in our home.
My parents did not let us want. I have had the immense good fortune to live in many different parts of the world and have visited many others. My family is spread on many continents, as are my friends. I am endlessly grateful to live, for the moment, in an area with a very stable climate.
Forgive me my reserve. I do hope you'll not be long in responding.
paulie Posted Jan 31, 2003
that is exactly the thing that I find so astounding. that she can be so shy at times and yet get up in front of total strangers and perform. She has sang in front of the church even, just her and another girl. I never could have been so brave when I was young. It gives me a huge amount of repsect for her. She is scared to death of failing, but that never stops her from trying. I find myself trying to be more like her in that respect.
The cheerleading thing is hard for me to accept but I try not to be too judgemental. Even though it is exactly to her the unhealthy enfluence I thought it would be, I guess you gotta have a certain amount of that in your life. Not that there aren't positive aspects, but the other side of it is just distasteful to me. The whole reason she wanted to be a cheerleader is for the guaranteed popularity at school. But she has also proven quite able to handle the competitive aspect of it with good grace. And they are quite serious when they switch into competetive mode. She is a large and naturally strong young lady though, I am hoping she will want an activity that will be use more of her natural atletic abilities in the near future. She plans to play softball this spring, something she hasn't done before, guess we'll see how that goes.
I am sorry you are being pummeled, that is most uncivilized of someone or another. I strongly agree though that violence is rarely the answer. Kisses are not always appropriate I guess, but a hug almost always makes things better. I hope you are feeling more cheery today. I still count myself amoung the non-smokers, have even started to develop my consdescending look for people who light up in my presence. But I still think about cigarettes very first thing when I open my eyes every day. Hopefully that will go away soon.
Hope you are well, don't worry too much about the reserve, it is probably the smartest way to be in this environment. til next time, take care~
? Posted Jan 31, 2003
Though ever ready to argue down to the nub any least point we may wish to make as his parents, he is a quiet and most amenable creature with his teachers and elders. However, he never hesitated - when he was younger - often to our bemusement, to, unexpectedly and in no uncertain terms, tell strangers, especially adults, to mind their own business if he ever thought they were being in the least intrusive.
He too, like your child, has performed - in his case, solo violin repertoire from Prokofiev - in front of an audience of adult strangers. Children give us hope and help us continue learning. I hope softball will be a great fit for her; do empower her to deal with the pushy, selfish, political minded adults. This past fall, he - a kid that suffers from allergies and asthma - suddenly, out of the blue, took up cross-country running. At the end of the season, he was the most improved runner on the team. He never missed a run.
So, to be there for your children and their children and, in your fortunate case, the children's children's children, do condescend, absolutely do, to those who insist on you joining in their filthy habit. In fact, one who must breathe second hand smoke is subject to greater carcinogensis than the primary smoker ... no filter you see. Throughout Europe and Asia, it is a scourge, most especially in winter.
Did you try those carrots or celery?
I appreciate that you are corresponding with me using such a relaxed style; I've seen how careful you are in certain of your posts.
? Posted Jan 31, 2003
I've got to share this with you. It had me in tears. One of his closest childhood friends asked my son (btw, we're not Jews) to play his violin and accompany the Cantor and the pianist, at his bar mitzvah ceremony. The Shul was packed. He played like an angel. It was astonishing, I still get goosebumps.
paulie Posted Feb 2, 2003
I can imagine I would be bawling like a baby too. I know you must be very proud of your son. I always hoped one of my children would prove to be musically inclined, but I guess it is not gonna happen. I guess they just lack the proper genes.
I have been eating lots of celery sticks, and carrots sometimes but I'm not overly fond of carrots, cooked or raw. and I eat sugar free mints, pretzel sticks, lots of crushed ice (though my dentist has warned against too much of that). So far I have managed to keep from gaining any weight, but those things have a way of sneaking up on you so I'm not getting too confident about it. I need to try to be more active, I bet that would help as much as anything. Today is a beautiful day too so I think I'll talk Jamie into a nice long walk. I hope you are having a pleasant day, take care~
? Posted Feb 2, 2003
I hope you got to enjoy a good, long walk! It's a sunny day here too. It's quite the mockingbirds have just hushed up. Well, got to get away from this one-eyed hobgoblin!!
paulie Posted Feb 4, 2003
it was a nice walk, we ran into my daughter and her family and their dogs at the park and the day was just beautiful. maybe too much so, it was about 65 degrees and then Monday it was about 40 and rainy and now I have this huge sinus cold.
I finished that book the other day and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for recommending it. I relate to Kate in a lot of ways, especially the part about going to a community college and missing a lot of stuff, like Cicero. Think of me, I went to technical school, I never heard of Ciero either. I have heard the tale about the waterfall though, or seem to vaguley remember it.
So, did you also disconnect and float free for a while on Sunday? Do you get a tingly sensation in bones and muscles unaccustomed to use, as I do
? Posted Feb 4, 2003
If only we hadn't taken a trip to the ice box that is Europe in winter, I am sure none of us would have gotten sick. Now, weeks later, we are all struggling against one ear-nose-throat problem after another. It is not fun to have a clogged nose, post nasal drip, rivers of snot, and aches and pains. Add to that the often time unreasonable and surreal demands at work and it just ain't a pretty picture. I understand how you feel and I sincerely hope you get over it sooner rather than later.
Hey community colleges aren't bad: you get real professors not TAs, you get relatively small class sizes, you get a relatively reasonable tuition bill, you can use the time to get yourself in focus or retrain or augment yourself into happier situations, you can even, in certain states gain admission to the 4 year institutions as a junior. That said, I am not a product of such an education; I have received a long education but I think it'll never come to a close, at least I hope not.
I know what you mean about remembering all the component parts of ones body when putting these to use after a long hiatus. One is sent all kinds of reminders and rejoinders. It's not all so bad. It was great to get away from the internet, marvelous, in fact!
? Posted Feb 6, 2003
Paulie, I hope your health has improved; you sounded pretty badly off.
I saw what you've just posted at your space. I think I may have provided this link elsewhere; but, you may not have seen it. It might help you think better about our behavior towards Iraq vs. North Korea.
To learn more about the man who wrote the above article, you may also wish to examine:
If you are able to make time in your activities, I'd like to know what you think once you've had a chance to read the items.
paulie Posted Feb 7, 2003
honestly I don't know what to think, or say or do. I learn just a little more everyday and like I said before that huge dark spot gets bigger with every tidbit I learn. The first thing you have to have to take any sort of action is knowledge. Thourough knowledge too, or who would be willing to act without all the facts? If I can fathom so little of what is going on in this world, think of all those that just turn the channel when news of war comes on the tv. They know they can't possilby understand it all, they just block it out. That is just so scary and sad and I have no idea how I should react. I see statements everywhere like "America is lying", "the US is only after the oil", etc and I know they are true. This country I live in has become an entity that eats and sleeps and drinks and manueveurs around the monopoly board independently of it's organs and guts (us). What can we do, what hope is there for American citizens anymore than for the citizens of Iraq or Afghanistan or wherever? We just have a less hostile environment in which to await the outcome of all this drama.
I did enjoy both articles, he sounds like a very wise man. I wish I were more capable of digesting that sort of wisdom but these days it just seems harder than usual.
? Posted Feb 7, 2003
Hiya Paulie, hope you've been able to polish off the assignment you had and that the sinus cold is winding down by now! It is, once again, time to look forward to time with the family, yippee.
As for me, I feel, sometimes, that there is a slow leak somewhere in the envelope of existence and the substance is slowly dissipating! Sometimes, I think I am letting my life spurt surreptitiously away, unseen droplets of blood forever lost from a minute puncture in an ignored, unseen artery. A hand is open and the moments spill away, tiny grains of untold value never again to be recovered.
I am grateful for the time I share with kids, it is an irresistible peek into the future - whether watching a game, attending a competition or just discussing, all else fades into insignificance as the fresh rays of a sun of pure delight brightens all and the rain of energy quenches the scorched earth. Sometimes, just sometimes, what I do feels thus! It is good then.
Sorry, getting a bit carried away there and you wrote me a serious note.
Here are a few addresses you may wish to visit. These places are very active in keeping power in the hands of all of us and resisting the tide of consolidation and conformity that is sweeping away every aspect of the sovereignty of our existence, both unique and shared, here in the US and elsewhere.
Oh, but first, I'd like to recommend a movie - just so as you don't feel overwhelmed: 'Dr. Strangelove' with Peter Sellers made by Stanley Kubrick in the early 1960s. Your local video store or library may have it, I think.
A series of books you might read - in your spare time, of course (ha, ha!): "Shikasta" by Doris Lessing.
On to those sites, now, I'll mention just a couple here:
You know, there is still the ACLU; it has been much maligned and reviled but it is still a good organization. A dear friend is a director so I can tell you, firsthand, that at least she has a very good heart and a clear mind.
Hope these help a bit.
? Posted Feb 12, 2003
Hi Paulie, I hope you will read this even if you don't send any answer. I gather you've been unwell and you've had a load of work to handle. Further, what I have said to you may just not be that bloody interesting; I have to accept that don't I?!
Anyhow, I read your new intro, the one you posted the weekend of 8 Feb and I think I have much to commiserate with you about on the theme that you've 'spoken' on.
If things get a little less hectic or I can push some off, I will. But, it's not much fun just talking to myself...!
My constant looking over my shoulder while at the same time thinking the future will be better puts me in a unique place.
paulie Posted Feb 13, 2003
I have been in a strange mood, no doubt. Aggravated might mostly explain it. Like I wish I could shake some sense into a lot of people's head. Just really dreading what is going to happen in the next few weeks. But it's not just that even, that keeps me away from here sometimes. It's the cigarette thing you know? I have sat at this computer for years and smoked no telling how many cigarettes. My over flowing ashtray, just until this year, was the conversation starter for my hubbie when he came home every day. You would think after this long it wouldn't be such a big deal, but it's still very hard. Not hard not to smoke- just hard to get my mind off wanting to so bad when the instinct to light up is so strong at this desk. And even that is not all of it. My husband and I seem to be evolving in different directions. He seems to looking for more in your face, live for today, tangible, superficially stimulating events to mark the progression of his life. And I am headed in the opposite direction and totally annoyed by his petty pursuits. But of course that's not fair on my part, it's give and take this marraige stuff. So I have to take time to think things out, like if I want to keep this guy around bad enough to try to see things his way or not. And then of course all the regular concerns, like should I be worried that I don't possess enough pride in myself to wear attractive underwear?
Why are you looking over your shoulder? anyway I know the future will be better, then probably worse again, then better in spells, and the tide will rise and fall as long as the force that commands it continues to hold sway.
ps- I do find what you say interesting, especially how your kids inspire you. I feel the same about mine, and now my grandkid. It makes you feel immortal at least, doesn't it?
? Posted Feb 14, 2003
Paulie, how's your mood? I only have the one kid and what a handful he is! I helped with the upbringing of my younger cousins and nephews - since I was about the age he is now. Many are adults now and lovely people they are too and they sure do treat me well. They do make me feel very, very good; but, immortal, no. But, that is O. K.!
Paulie, be strong, you can stay away from ciggys. You have everything to gain from not succumbing to desire from not making a deal; remember Faustus? I have never ever had a sip of beer in my entire life nor dragged a whiff of mari-jane. I kept my friends safe and sheltered them when they needed it; I do not feel deprived. You'll taste your food better, you will smell the most subtle scents in the air, you will feel more power in your lungs and heart, your head will be clear, you will be free of the patina of grime that clings to everything in your space, you will be free and be able to rid yourself of ailments sooner, you will have the gratitude of the non-smokers and the respiratorily impared around you, you will not force the innocent ones you love most to indulge with you, it's influence is there even when the thing is not lit, you'll share more time with them, the haze around your vision will clear, other things, better things in your life - will overflow. Stick with it kid you've a lot to lose.
Like you say, life is give and take. You've been through more than one marriage, right? I feel unable to offer words to you beyond saying that you'll know what to do if you allow yourself time and clarity to listen. Believe me the answer is within you for "with every problem there is a solution, with every problem there is a solution."
You've got to ask yourself why you want to wear what you consider 'attractive' underwear. Charity does begin at home, respecting yourself is crucial only then will you respect others. So is it something you are doing for your own well being? And, heck, why must wearing a particular thing confirm that you have pride in yourself? Go naked, it's your home, especially if it's warm enough! There is nothing about your body that is in the least bit shameful, believe it, especially in your own home. There was no original sin, what a bunch of baloney that is, dreamt up by men who would use god to control others and pin it on one of the inspired persons; i.e., prophet or messenger...!
Good and bad we learn to live with, but, no matter how much it may appear to be so, no event - not even a tide or the sun or the moon - is ever repeated just so - it is changing infintely always, just so, no creature - not even a clone - has ever been exactly or experienced life exactly as any other. So things can tend to getting a whole lot worse or a whole lot better in the long long run and if they continue bad well the dino vanished and if man continues to tend to being an infestation instead of caretaker, the planet, the cosmos will be rid of the burden and go on.
I look over my shoulder because there is far too much evil about.... there's more to say, maybe another time.
paulie Posted Feb 14, 2003
that may be exactly the thing I do fear, that he earth will find a way to rid herself of her parasites. Yeah Jerry is my third husband, he is by far the best one though so I'm not fixin to kick him to the curb just yet. And he has a lot to put up with me too, considering the circle we hang out in I am the one who seems backwards and not quite with the program.
I'm doing pretty good on the cigarette thing I guess. My problem is I didn't resist anything, I tried it all, and what I liked I did over and over till it got me in trouble. One by one I gave all those things up except the cigarettes, cause they haven't gotten me into trouble yet. That's the thing though, once they do the damage is done. My doctor keeps telling me if you quit the damage is reversible in time. Your lungs can become completely healthy in time, and considering how lucky I have been to have substained no pernanant damage in almost thrity years of smoking, I guess I just would be stupid to pass up that chance to actually undo something for once.
Well I kept one other habit, a friend told me I should hold out at least one. The world couldn't stand me if I was perfect anyway
you know it's strange to say but my first two children did not make me feel all that immortal, well not till one of them had a kid of her own. But Jamie, now she is going to be the one. She is so much like me intellectually it's unreal. Only her looks are totally her dad's which is good cause he was the blonde haired blue eyed one. And she is much more outgoing, bold even, but she's smart and she wants to be smarter. That is the thing the other two lacked, a desire to know things. They only wanted to do as many things as possible. I try not to pin too many expectations on her, but I think she will do things I only dreamed of.
? Posted Feb 14, 2003
Thank God for _that habit, long may it last!
Give her books!!
? Posted Feb 19, 2003
Paulie, I think you'll want to check this out and act on it. I hope so anyway....
Key: Complain about this post
- 1: ? (Jan 27, 2003)
- 2: paulie (Jan 29, 2003)
- 3: ? (Jan 29, 2003)
- 4: paulie (Jan 31, 2003)
- 5: ? (Jan 31, 2003)
- 6: ? (Jan 31, 2003)
- 7: paulie (Feb 2, 2003)
- 8: ? (Feb 2, 2003)
- 9: paulie (Feb 4, 2003)
- 10: ? (Feb 4, 2003)
- 11: ? (Feb 6, 2003)
- 12: paulie (Feb 7, 2003)
- 13: ? (Feb 7, 2003)
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- 15: paulie (Feb 13, 2003)
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