Journal Entries

alone

i feel like living my whole life now without saying another word to anyone, these people who pretend everything is ok but really deep down hate you, seems all of my friends are like that, why should I bother trying to get on with people, life would be so much simpler on my own. That is how it is going to be from now on. If I dont have to speak to these so called friends then I wont, seeing as they dont really want to speak to or be with me anyway. I hate this whole place, will be glad to leave whether it is to goto uni or not. I used to be worried that I would loose my friends and never see then again after I left school, now I am glad that I will loose them and never see any of them again. Not that I want to make any other friends being just hate me. Used to think some people were different but no they r all the same it just takes some people longer to show their true nature AND HATRED.

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Latest reply: Dec 14, 2002

HATRED

Don't you just hate people who pretend to be your friends, but then twist everything you say to them, in confidence, round and tell it to others?. I certainly do, Y do people do this? I honestly have no idea but if anyone knows i would really love to find out, are they just sick minded?. I don't thing they realise the hurt they can cause people by doin these things.Even just not quite fully understanding a conversation on then saying their interpretaion of it to someone else is bad enought but physically twisting the story to cause pain, now that is pure hatred, and from a person you thought you could talk to and was you friend, Online friendships are crap. Expcially if they start to interfere with your ones in real life. I don't think i will be spending much time online after I get my laptop back, or at least not talking on MSN or AIM to people, Too much like chineese whispers. Has this happened to anyone else or it it just that people hate me ?. I persoanlly believe it is the second of those reasons but that is just cause I am paranoid obscessive and depressed (great combination really, all adds up to a really interesting life ). It is nice to build up realtionships with people online. but I personally would not recomend tellign them anything about anything in the real world if you do,k because you are never sure how they will twist and distort what you say and pass it onto someone else. This journal entry probably makes no sense but I am simply venting my anger and annoyance in the only way I can find (thank God I am not a violent person). Been to the doctors as well today and that was not good, unfortunately he told me what was wrong with me, or at least what he thinks is but im not gonna say what here cause I dont want everyone to find this one out, I am enough of a freak as it is with enought people hateing me. This would just add to the number of people which i really dont need help in doing. I just wish everything was back to the way it was last year, Everything was fine then, why couldn't I just have left school like I had planned instead of staying on for this extra year which was supposed to be the best year of school and has turned out to be the worst for me. This must be one of the longest, most boreing journal entries I have posted, but it may well be my last seeing as I am never goin to tell anyone online anything ever again for the before mentioned reasons, I don't need the hassle associated with them twisting the truth. I am leaving the internet to go live in the real worl d for a while, people may hateme, but i am sure i can ind some friends out there, true friends, not like those online who mascarade as friends, I do have to appologise to others who i speak to online, I don't mean to tar everyone with the same brush, there are a few people who are true friends there and i only get to speak to online but that s diferent, they are real friends who have moved online to speak for other erasons, like moving away, and i dont mind speaking to them, but friendships you build soley online are bounded to fail, and probably with the most awfull of results. So good bye to all the internet and speaking online. I will still reply to emails i spose, at least then I can vet who I speak to. If you want to emails me feel free, the addresses are given above, but if you dont get a reaply please dont feel offended unless of course you have reason to for the content of the mail. Goodbye and Goodriddens to the internet and all the bother it causes to me and proabbly to most others.

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Latest reply: Dec 2, 2002

BEST weekend in a LONG time

Well as the title suggests this weekend was one of the best I have had in a rather long time. Went all the way from my house in scotland, to my cousins in sunningdale (near ascot in england) For her combined 21st birthday party, engagement parts, and celebration of her sons birth who is now 6 weeks old and looks really cute, As for sunday I went to kent to meet up with an online friend who I had never met b4 was great fun. Only one bad side to the weekend (or maybee 2) were that I killed my laptop some how on saturday nite and cant get online at home and also the 7 hour drive to get to the party and the same back, which doesent really do my back any good, but this was all made up for by getting obscenely drunk on both saturday and sunday nite.

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Latest reply: Dec 2, 2002

Sundays Boreing Sundays

Well I had yet another boreing Sunday spent mostly about the house clearing up, which was a pity because I was nice and cheery today and it would have been nice to be with friends today. But never mind. Nice relaxing day Before school again tommorw, ARG school, used to like it now its a chore and that like is turning more to hatred. I still thing I am goin to fail everything this year, but never mind. Does anyone actually read these, I dont really care its just somewhere for me to write my feelings but it would be nice to know if any one else looks at them , if u do pls post a reply ^__^

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Latest reply: Nov 24, 2002

Its the weekend

Well its the weekend once again, been out all day with friends, who were nice enough to cheer me , was rather depressed this morning but by the afternoonIi was happy and cheery again and still am. Is a lot nicer for me and for my friends (yes I have some, have to keep reminfing my self of this so I don't get too down) when I am happy methinks. Ah well time for a weekend of browsing h2g2 and posting on strange and unusuall place, just hope no one actually reads them. Bye once again , till I post another probably tommorrow.

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Latest reply: Nov 23, 2002


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