h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Steve that was the best explanation on lawn mower assembly I've ever seen! You are indeed a scholar!!

MH
(I now anounce my intention to run for the Governorship of California!...why not every-one else is!)

You got my vote, Hamish, which ain't much but it's a start even if I can't vote in California. Although I think maybe you should be an actor first you know? Oh yeah, you're a CEO already so that ought to qualify you.

Now, about that southern Ozzie drawl, we need to work on that in the mirror maybe. You got to learn to slur your words like an Osterreicher or it just ain't going to fly. How do you expect to lie convincingly if people can actually understand what you said?

OH I feel much better then Steve. Really! The original Administrator knows I am adventurous.... so he has it all in Portuguese - I could not possibly understand it on top of the basic computer *learn as u go method* I have!

The last guy that brought me a computer said don't be afraid! Be adventurous. That lasted a few short months.

So I am relieved at the moment to say the least
THanks!
And I can hoot again.

The whole problem was with the ever so trusted Norton.
Aparently Norton did not hear the Hoo? - afterall.

That is the only program that is messed up. I do not have access to because it is corrupted and refuses to repair itself
So in the meantime I have zone alarm and I am not on LAN

I will have a service call in a few days. Maybe I am ready for the English version now

Not to worry Analiese, Oz slang and the gift of mumbling will ensure that no-one will be able to clearly pick my policies! I should fit right in eh?

MH
(If I am elected I promise to do nothing at all while putting up the facade of being extremely pro-active!)

Actually I'd feel a lot better if you appeared less proactive and exhibited more of a sense of urgency about enhancing customer value. Customers are valuable you know? You could probably get 35 bucks for one on the international slave market.

*shakes head while laughing with a goofy look on my face *

I'm gratified you're relieved, Abbi. I do try to relieve things whenever possible or practical unless the pressure's so high that an unintended detonation might result.

It's also gratifying to have my academic credentials endorsed by a person who evidently can't distinguish between a computer and a lawnmower. It's possible he's merely shared an insight, however, that might be useful to those people compelled to provide customer support for either device.

If, for example, the rope breaks on the lawnmower, one could advise that the hard drive be replaced or if the computer seizes up unexpectedly one could advise removing the sparkplug and squirting penetrating oil into the cylinder to free up the rings. This could be thoroughly documented with careful illustrations of screenshots or assembly instructions thus adding an air of authenticity to the entire load of fertilizer.

The possibilities are staggering and MH should be congratulated on his astonishing grasp of the intricacies of tech support. I'm confident that if you call him with a computer problem, he'll wisely advise that you reboot the lawnmower without delay, after first checking that it's plugged in. If it's an electric lawnmower, I trust he'll advise you to unplug it first so you don't hurt yourself.

Nice we are both satisfied with your talents

So critical of MH!
That is to be expected MH when you let it be known, you want to rule the world.

Personally , and I think MH will be with me on this one, like tostand in a bucket of water and have moistened fingers while fixing my flymo, and if it isn't plugged in how can you tell when your mower is fixed? The true route to world domination is to fry your brain to the point that the other so called humans don't matter, that way you don't feel bad as you trample their dreams beneath your jackboot (or equivalent) and can laugh maniacally with impunity.

I think you've got it!
Lets see what the world dominator thinks!
That may be a new and easier approach for him

The "World Dominator" is greatly ammused by you all and my finger is slowly moving away from the EWMHorde release switch. I will say this though. Steve: If you can't see the philosphical similarities between computer repair and Lawn Mower repair, I cannot be blamed. Perhaps you should read "Zen and the art of Computer and Lawn Mower maintanence". Great reading for the spiritually evolving. Tonemonkey, indeed! If you add some aloevera to the water, you will also soften up any of those nasty calouses!
Abbi! How can I be a World Domination expert without advertising? defeats the purpose really!? I'm taking over the world in secret, where's the glory basking in that?????

MH
( Ooommmmmmm! Oooooommmmm! OOOOooooom!)

I think the trick in Japanese archery is to concentrate on the Samurai theatrics while more or less ignoring the target. That's what I think Hamish does all the time.

That's why Steve is a typical male dolt. He can't see how it has nothing whatever to do with tech support but has practically everything to do with showing your plumage. And you'd think males would grasp that faster than the rest of us.

I like the zen bits MHcorrelating mowers and puters!

Oh don't worry no reads this page, you are still incognito for the most part. Besides everyone is looking the other way at the US and UK leaders. Now is a good time to sneak into an advantageous position

Did you see where they are considering giving the monkeys and apes a new status in society? Interesting concept. Murder charges could be brought against people for killing them and experiements would stop.

I can see you are a man ahead of your time. It is wise to join with the apes at this time. They are coming up in the human world of respect.

The humans are considering allowing them the same moral standards of human-e treatment - sharing their platform above the other animals and making our 98% dna connection if not evolution more matter of fact. (must state the scientist have never finished mapping the DNA of the great apes)

Can Catholic or Presbyterian apes be far behind?

Surely the pope will endorse that they have souls and can therefore be guilty of all sorts of nasty things. Wait until we get to the great ape trials and it won't have nothing to do with teaching evolution.

And not only that but then corporations will make treaties with apes in the wild dispossessing them of their territory, all very legal and above board except for the failures to deliver the annuities of bananas and other fruit on time.

The pope will never go ape!

He might if they'll contribute to the priests' legal defense fund.

good one!

The apes may become constituents or corporate spokesmen.

I thought they were already.

Don't let the tailored clothes, wigs and makeup full you.

Maybe it is all becoming clear now! When the monkeys take over, who will bw their God? their creator mentor and feeder! Meeeeeeeeeee!

MH
(Why thank you for this "Ape"cademy Award..You love me you really love me!)