h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I thought that's how it used to be with Euros, living over their livestock. They don't do that no more? Oh yeah, they got barns now.

So what do they do?

They live in the barns and call them "great rooms" with "cathedral ceilings". So where do the cows live? Why in the feedlots of course! Buh!! Easier to control epidemics that way. Keep in all in one place where it can be shipped all over the world.

Looks like I've been missing all the fun!
Does anyone keep a lucky cows foot?
Did early man set snares for cattle?
are rabbit ears long because they were jealous of the horns?
If things were diffrent would the countryside be filled with herds of rabbits and Oz have a cow proof fence?
These are the questions that need to be answered, in order that the world live in peace and harmony for the next, oooooh, 27 seconds or so!

You're not the only one who has evidently been missing all the fun. I too have missed the connection between whatever's on cspan and cows.

Having some practical background husbandry, of both varieties, I can assure you that cow's feet are no more lucky that the rabbit variety. The original owners, after all, had four of them at least. I suspect you might appreciate the implication without further explanation.

Early man didn't need snares for cattle. He simply employed prairie dogs to provide conveniently placed holes in the ground for the cows to step into. Cows are not generally noted for watching their steps.

Rabbit ears are long because their penises are not and therefore they need some other way of attracting attention. Of course the females have long ears too, but this is only to confuse the males, who would otherwise never give them a moment's peace.

Cow proof fences are actually quite plentiful. They utilize barbwire which is mostly proof against the ranchhands who have to keep it from falling down.

Damn! I missed the peace and harmony by being slow to reply The last cow proof fence i saw was powered by the national grid effective, but not a good place to pee when out walking! Luckily I wasnt the recipient!

Uh, I'll refrain from asking why one would want to urinate on a fence in the first place. I'm confident it's probably just some cultural peculiarity that defies explanation. I learned a very long time ago that nothing comes of questioning what is customary except shocked silence or inexplicable tantrums.

Nowhere else to pee when out in the countryside and miles from a public convenience!

Yes, I'm quite sure you're right, but did it ever occur to you that the ground is much more plentiful than fences of any description, or is it simply the dearth of fire hydrants or trees?

Humans traditionally mark territory with boundary stones or broken sapplings. I'm not aware of any of them sniffing things to determine tenure, but I could be mistaken.

Man shall pee only on upright objects! The doctrine of the modern drunk! Also less likelyhood of staining shoes!

Well, that explains everything. Why didn't you say you needed an aiming point?

I shoot instinctively, BTW. It actually works in the dark until your woman notices the stains on the toilet and starts complaining. Then you patiently explain to her that the stool evidently jumped at the last instant, probably in response to the zipper sound, or perhaps the groan.

Hi Steve, nice to see you pop up.
Tonemonkey - Steve is an accomplice of the WMI

That wasn't me popping up. That was.. nevermind.. please go on as if I hadn't responded and thanks for your assistance in maintaining a wholesome website free of double entendres.

Did someone mention Monkeys???????

Mh
(Animal of the year: Cows)

Not monkeys, dog monkeys. They're similar to baboons except they're carnivorous, bipedal and carry assault rifles. They also like to sniff things like female... oh there I go again.

Abbi!! This is your fault!! If you hadn't got me started again, I could have racked up at least 10 minutes of remission and convinced the staff to discontinue the medication.

Your dog monkeys sound similar to some friends of mine. Check out my space(oooer!) and you'll see that I breed Evil Winged Monkeys. They are chimpanzees bred with bouncers! it worked fabulously, but it's a little tricky trying to get into their cages without an invitation.

MH
(Keep your friends close and your emenies even closer! (Da! Daaaa! Dum! Dum! Dum! Da Daaaaa!)

Dare I ask where these hybrids get their wings? Or do they employ hang-gliders off of tall buildings?

Have you attempted cross-breeding them with bats? That might save on kite string.

I was a freak genetic occurance, a one in a trillion genetic enhancement. I was just trying to make better bouncers for my club The Liquid Lounge. It just worked out this way. if it makes you feel better you can assume that a bat flew in my window at the crucial moment in the experiment, flew into the machine I was using and accidentally imprinted its partial DNA on the upcoming simians.

MH
(Was that a suitable cliche for you!?!)

I don't know about cliches, but I would be more likely to credit a random mutation resulting from the proximity of the apparatus to a cache of weapons grade plutonium than a fortuitous deposit of bat guano. Not that I doubt your word. But I suspect a critical review of your methodology might reveal the flaw in your interpretation. If it doesn't, there's no harm done until the meat inspectors show up.

Hmm dna fertilized by plutonium enriched bat guano-sounds like some sort of powerful growth hormone that all will be taking to look young and live forever.

I see we've all met Steve now. It's nice to have him around because he likes to keep things light and airy or hot airy or whatever.

Too old to fight so he's a lover now and a darn good one I have to say. Good thing I don't have to compete with the stock. hee hee

Sounds like a good deal-bet he can't run too fast(not faster than u)
A good lover should stay awile.