h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hello honey hows u

i have a cold, too much work to do, and i am sexually frustrated.
how about you?

im ok have a cold 2 not enough work 2 do but i would love 2 cure ur sexual frustaiton for u lol mwah

yeah, well i suspect you are too far away to be of much use

hi hun u know u could always ump on a plane lol ask that roman person whos just bought chelsea fc im sure u could fly in his jet lol mwahhhhh

darling, if i had that kind of access to roman abramovich, why the hell would i bother with you? he is one of the world's richest men, and pretty cute too :D

u cheeky cow lol ive met him hes a ent guy to talkto him u wouldnt think he was that rich i.ll put a word in 4 u if u like in the mean time can i be the e to fulfil all u fantasies lmao mwahhhh

sorry, but even my most torrid fantasies usually involve someone who is at least semi-literate, and not overly fond of abbreviations like "lmao", which i think indicate entirely too much time spent in front of a computer.

oi u cheeky cow u lucky u live so far away or i would come and slap ur cute arse lol

no, my darling, 'tis you who are lucky that you are much too far away for me to practice my tae'kwon-do skills upon your person....

dose that involve getting in some good postions lol

well, no. tae'kwon-do involves strength (from me) and pain (for you). it's the yoga i also study that allows me to attain exotic positions of the sort to which you refer :P