This is the Message Centre for Dengarm

Hello again

Post 1

HonestIago

I had no idea you'd put me as a friend, I'm touched. So how have you been? Have your friends been informed?


Hello again

Post 2

HonestIago

Where abouts in California do you live? I met this guy from Sacremento in Venice and I got a feeling you'd said you were from there?


Sorry

Post 3

Dengarm

I was w/o computer for awhile. I live towards L.A.

I have told three or four close friends now.


Hey

Post 4

HonestIago

Good man, how's the reaction been?


Hey

Post 5

Dengarm

In general, pretty good. I'm dreading telling my parents though. My Dad just told me a story about how a gay guy flirted with him while he was in Florida so he punched him out. I had to smile a nod That was fun. And my Moms doing the "You should meet a nice girl" thing. But I two friends who know who live close by and a few others elsewhere in the country. It's going well. After telling people I realized how much I had been censoring my speech. It feels really nice being out to poeple I trust.

Just finnished Thanksgiving Take One. Takes Two, Three and Four are on their way. Grin and bear it.


Hey

Post 6

HonestIago

I hate family celebrations in general. For some reason holidays have become a time to lie and say you like people you in fact despise. It's amazing once you come out free you seem, like a big barrier has been removed. Before I came to Uni only a few close frinds knew (my family knew but for the most part, they don't count) but now I tell anyone who asks about my lovelife or girlfriends.


Hey

Post 7

Dengarm

Yeah, I'm not that far out yet but it is such a relief. It feels weird not to censor your speech before it comes out. I have to conciously switch it on and off now. I think by next year I'll be out to all but family. My dad told me a story about him beating up a gay guy in Florida last week and I had to smile and nod through it. Thats always fun.

I agree about the holidays. They just suck. The only relitive I like is onee of my aunts and she lives in New Zealand and has a rare auto-immune disease.


Hey

Post 8

HonestIago

Yeah, I like one aunt because she pretty much brought me up, and she's the only family member I see when I go home from Uni, and an uncle who lives in Perth, Ausralia, who kicks ass. Have you thought about joining local gay youth groups, they can be really cool and they put you in a position where you're not the odd one out. Homophobic parents can be rough, mine are, but again they don't count as a problem because I was in a position where I could say accept it or get lost, not many people are as lucky as I am. I'd try your Mom first when you do decide to come out, mom's are better at dealing with this sort of stuff and she can work on your dad.


Um . . .

Post 9

Dengarm

I just got asked to Winter Formal by a girl. She's really nice, but I think she might like me romanticly (though maybe she just can't find a date). I am leaning toward romantic because of the way she asked me, which was private and lit by candellight. Also she is quite forward about what she wants. Also she is in the center of a huge gossip group consisting of 200+ people. If she tries anything in the limo what should I do.

P.S. Sorry about treating you like a Dear Abby.


Um . . .

Post 10

HonestIago

I invite my friends to treat me as a Dear Abby so don't worry about it. This is a tricky problem, are you bothered about being thought of as wierd? If not I'd just reject this girl and try and find a female friend, preferably one who knows, to come along. When I left high school we had a big Leavers Party and I asked my best female friend, she knew and she quite happily agreed. In the end I decided I wanted to take my boyfriend since I wasn't going to see the people again


Um . . .

Post 11

Dengarm

She is a good friend (though not one I'd trust with a secret). I accepted her without really thinking about it, and now all the arrangments are made. But I think she gets that it is plutonic. If not I'll just tell her I guess. I don't really mind them knowing that much, in fact it is becomeing more of a strain to keep it secret. As long as my parents don't find out yet. These poeple did manage to keep someone else's well known preference secret from his parents even though one of them worked at the school.

It'll all work out.

At least I know the group of people I'm going with are okay with gay people. That and the fact that I could blackmail most of them in one form or another if I really had to.


Um . . .

Post 12

HonestIago

So long as you've got a good group of friends you'l be okay even if it all does come out, so to speak. When I first came out most of friends were totally cool but there was one idiot who decided to tell the entire school and in a all-boys school this can be devastating. In the end nobody believed him (oh the irony) but for a while i ws just hiding in my circle of friends. If the worst does happen, trust me, it won't be that bad


Um . . .

Post 13

Dengarm

Thank you for the reassurance. I'll keep you posted.


Um . . .

Post 14

HonestIago

Okay, good luck. Also, remember that if the worst happens you are still the person you were before you came out and people will figure this out and most of them will realise that they liked you before and you were gay then, you just didn't tell them. The fact that they know doesn't really change anything


Um . . .

Post 15

Demon Drawer

Can't be bothered to log out and back on as Steve but it's me.

Great to hear thing on going well after telling your freinds Dengarm. Parents can be a frightening experience I know. But one thing that they can never change you are their child so if and when you do eventually get around to telling them bear that ion mind and hope and pray that they do do.

smiley - hug


Busy

Post 16

Dengarm

I'v been really busy lately. Sorry. I've told my old friends and all of them were suprised but fine with it, except one who is a superficial jerk anyway. It still hurts but I'll get over it.

Ann odd thing happened the other day though. I went out with a couple of actors from a play I'm stage Managing the other day. This was the same week that I told Ryan and my old friends. One person and has thing where she asks everybody very bluntly wether they are gay or striaght. When she asked me, I was totally not expecting it and was taken aback a little, however I didn't even miss a beat and said straight auotmaticly. I feel kindy weird about this. I'll prob end up elling her the truth later but this was still disconcerning to me. My act is so good that I don't even think about. It's kinda scary even


Busy

Post 17

HonestIago

Yeah that's a little wierd. After I first came out I'd catch myself doing things and then I'd realise and think 'I don't have to be straight anymore' The wierdest thing was when I first went to a gay bar and at first I was taken aback, not dancing, until I realised all the people there were just like me, they were dancing because they liked the music - I liked the music so why wasn't I dancing? When I realised what I was doing I danced and really enjoyed myself


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