h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

From Redders:


~ up high in the clouds ~

Look Apollo - is that a protest banner I see down yonder ! It must be the Dixie Chicks . I think I have a suitable reponse hanging under my port wing

*arms a 500lb banner-buster bomb and presses the munition release at just the right moment*

~ down on the ground a dropping bomb-like whistling noise can be heard ~

realises that, A) she's fixing to get busted and,
B) the Heart of Cap is a space ship, so they're in space...



The dogs are now flying Sopwith pups that have the magical ability to operate in space, providing all they need. Of course they are now pink, and towing banners. Redders' banner reads "Cats Rule" while
Apollers' banner reads "Dogs Drool"

The bombs, being smart bombs, aim for the nearer banners. Whistling sounds can now be heard coming from the Heart of Cap and heading for the 2 sopwith pups...

Oops. There's only one bomb. Ghost wonders which sopwith will get it.

*notices a problem*

Hmmmmmmm ... we may have a problem here

*presses a large red button marked 'Cartoon Mode' and watches a shimmering field envelop the thread. The banner-buster bomb now brakes sharply, grins, winks at Red Dog then spurts downward at speed towards Rambling*

*a small shadow directly under Rambling starts to widen*

*cupboard opens in deep space*

*SM pokes her head out, a blue space suit on, and scratches her chin pensively*

*vanishes for a minute*

*rides out on a small space ship, looking uncannily like a motorbike, and gives chase to the Heart*

*inexplicably Red Dog belatedly notices the banner being towed behind his Sopwith Pup (22nd Century retro Model) and puts the Pup into a 10G turn to get rid of it*

What the...

*inextricably gets caught in the banner, and can't see where she's going*

*
The intrepid bomb, having spotted a banner, is rocketing toward the ghost-infested Heart of Cap when, suddenly, she unfurls the banner and stashes it away.


*With all the banners flying around this thread, the poor smart bomb becomes terribly confused, depressed and commits suicide, right beneath Apollo's sopwith pup.

busies herself spraying the Heart o' Cap with

T.M. Bombs-Away bomb repellant

another fine product by your friends at acme.

~ not being happy with the demise of his good friend the banner-buster smart bomb RD turns his cartoon generator to the 'Stop The Pigeon! * setting ~

*in a trice the pup sprouts several additional wings and turrets and a really large mallet deploys from the undercarriage with the words "Ghost You're Toast" stenciled on the side*




* see http://www.tibonia.com/Dmeg1.htm for details

Aw, he ain't dead. You can't kill a sun god.

...wait a minnut...wasn't that bomb aimed at MY head???

CHARGE!!!

Summoning a winged skeletal horse, slips on her cowboy hat and boots, straps on her side arms and heads for Red's sopwith. As she nears it, she takes a shot at the inflated hammer and ...

BlaMBlaMBlaMBlaMBlam!!!

A new message is on the hammer in smoking bulletholes, saying

No Kidding, Pardner, how long did it take ya ta figure that out??

She pulls up and hovers directly over the cab of the sopwith.

"O. K., horsey, do your thing."

[ooc} oops, it was the smart bomb, not Apollo. Heh, heh. Sorry[/ooc]

's war song:

Red Dog, you snickering floppy eared hound,
When trouble is needed, you're always around!
Those medals you wear on your moth-eaten chest,
Should be there for bungling at which you are best!

Stop the Red Dog, stop, stop.
Heart of Cap's counting on you

Shoo, you Red Dog, Shoo, Shoo
You'll be puppyburgers when I'm through

*emerges, somewhat perplexed, from Shroom's cupboard*

Suicidal bombs do the darndest things

*realizes he just stepped into the path of a rather scary looking horse*


*reaches back in the cupboard for a container*
*jams a few spoonfuls of peanut butter in the horse's mouth*
*returns peanut butter to cupboard*

Sorry for the random borrowing of your cupboard Shroom

*the Pup, now more majestic and slightly unwieldy because of all the attachments, now banks sharply to port and dives over Ramblings position. As he does a number of things happen*

~ The oversized cartoon hammer thumps Rambling very hard
~ The bomb bay opens and a surreal bomb falls and explodes - the effect of which is to shrink Rambling's sheet to hankie size

It's okay Apollo, you do it enough already

*flails wildly at the banner still obscuring her vision, sending her ship spiralling out of control all over the area*

*finally yanks it away, to find she's driving straight towards Red Dog...*

*watches in horror as a bicycle shaped Space craft appears out of nowhere and tears off his top wing. Red Dog shouts something that is whipped away by the wind but sounds like something to do with gender and driving ability *

Rofl *thunk* Ouch. Rofl




Thunk!

ooo, look at the pretty birdies.

*cartoon birds spin around Ex r's head.*

*The skeletal horse, it's mouth gummed up, bucks and throws Ex R. Her hanky sized sheet fluttering in the breeze, she lands on the severed wing and begins to flide toward apollo. *

*SM starts to rummage around in the panniers on her space bike to see if there's anything useful she grabbed coming out of the cupboard*

...scissors...glue...aspirin...library card...aha!

*takes out a packet*

*sneaks up behing RD's ship to the fuel cap, undoes it, and pours in the sugar*

*the glue falls out of shroom's cupboard, conveniently in Apollo's direction. He quickly grabs it, and squirts it out in the path of Ex-R and her *

Haha... and you thought you had me .



*realizes Ex-R is heading straight for the glue, and then straight at him!*

*realises she's half-nekked. phases into the ghostworld, and wanders off to look at the pretty birdies.*

I guess all that glue and Apollo will hit the board about the time the glue is starting to dry.