h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*stepping very carefully indeed, wearing her own lifejacet just in case...*

Go on then, pass us some cod liver oil.

*Pod tiptoes in, gazing in wonder at the iterations and imbrications in the grammatical superstructure around him*

*looks at drinks cabinet*


Ah, yes, well cod liver oil is all very well and lovely, but I do, on occasion, prefer a nice glass of Comte De Lauvia Armagnac, the twelve year old stuff. Goes down a treat, I find, with beans on toast.

*raises empty glass to new venture*

*whips out a banjo and starts playing a mournful piece written specially for the instrument by Schubert's long lost and completely forgotten son, Bert Schubert, called "Bert Schubert's first piece for Banjo"*

Exquisite composition, brilliantly executed, perfectly in keeping with the occasion.
Sorry about the lack of Armagnac, and indeed of anything else considered potable.
We're just pleased you came. You're a lovely person, and you reassert our grip on reality, somehow...
L and P
(PS from Pinniped - leave me out of this, you tosser. Whinging apologies to sycophancy in one bound. Makes me puke. Which reminds me, maybe I've had too much C-LO. Where's that big hole in the deck...?...)

Hi Solnushka!
Thanks for coming. I knew you would and I'm glad you did. You're the only one who's put up with the cod-liver oil. I like that.
A fair amount posted in these four weeks or so, I guess. I'm pretty pleased with it, on the whole.
Now that I've put down roots, I plan to get out a bit more.
See you around!
P.
(Very wise bringing your own lifejacket, I might add. Is it bullet-proof too? Only there are some heavily-armed gentlemen round here some place, and they're looking for Pingu...)

Predictable, aren't I?

I have to say, I'm more partial to the orange-flavoured variety of cod liver oil, but needs must.

Bullet proof? Now that you mention it, probably not. *glances round nervously and puts on tin helmet.* My wardrobe is certainly getting a workout.

Encapsulated: That would be his first and last piece, would it?

Helloooo everyone!
Double celebration in order, I feel - I've just had a sneaky peek at tonight's Post

Oh, and don't worry about the whole cod liver oil thing. I've brought plenty of cheap white wine.

Must say, Pinniped, the pier's looking good.

Hiya Knitbunny
Hope you liked the Shrine, even after what Pinniped did to it.
I particularly like the toilets in the Journal, but then I have a childish streak. Did you find the Plaque? That's what this is really all about. Of the new stuff, I like the Speak-Your-Weight Machine best. And the Mr Men (childish streak again)...
Would you like to write the What-the-Butler-Saw-Machine? Or one of those Coin-Operated-Telescopes you get on piers? Or a Punch-and-Judy-Show? Anything like that. I'd be so honoured.
(Solnushka and Pod, this applies to you too, if you're listening!)
More seriously, I think I plan to leave Lion and Pinniped to themselves for a few days and get back to some straighter (?) stuff. Maybe get about a bit more, get into some conversations too.
But I've just written something that you must see, 'cos I'm SO-OOO proud of it.
Go to my Entries and read A640982 - The Udderthorpe Paper-Clip Engine.
Waddya think? Go on, tell me...please?
I've already offered it to Shazz at the Post as a follow-up.

Afterthought : Do you know Amy the Ant? She Keeps Wolves, doesn't she?

Pinniped = Mentalist

I like, sir!

'Ey Up, Zagreb!
(Why's everyone round here Scots?...but I digress)
Thanks for your kind comments and the stout stout. I prefer C-LO on the rocks myself...have one, why doncha?

Incidentally, I happen to know someone who actually wrote his doctoral thesis on the sack of Constantinople in 1204. Trouble is, I don't think he's into h2g2. I'll ask, though.
...and you lot thought I was just an uneducated phocoid. Hah!
That deserves a , I should say...
P.

*leaves the rocket jet-pack at home*

*lollops onto the pier.*

Wow I like what you've done with the place Pinniped!


oh and plenty of available ice for my s! Great stuff.

- got to go, but I shall return.....

After a long and hard treck to bits of the universe I was quite surprised existed I found some of that Armanac Pod mentioned.

*puts it reverently down on a side table and sits down in exhaustion*

I'm a rum and coke man

I'm very interested in stuff about the sack of Constantinople, the internet has been helpful, but itty bitty details interest me. How did the Roman citizens in the empire feel about their capital being sacked and their Emperor deposed by a bunch of rowdy Latins?

*offers some cheap white wine to Zagreb and Clive*

I *love* my shrine (and let's face it, it was only to be expected that Pinniped would deface it. He is uncouth and doesn't have a sensitive soul like you and me) Ooh, I've never had a shrine before. I'd like to link to it from my page, if I may, just to show off in front of all the other researchers who don't have a shrine dedicated to them.

The Mister Men thing had me laughing out loud in the middle of the university library, which is generally frowned upon, and if I get banned from using the facilities I'll be holding you personally responsible. I'll forgive you immediately, of course, but it will still be your fault. I've had a good wander all around the pier, in fact, and I think it's great. I'll be interested to see how it develops as other people start to contribute. Talking of which, I'd love to start my own pier-based venture, but I'm not sure what. I was entertaining vague notions of asking you for permission to set up a fortune telling booth but then I noticed my friend Miss Coleridge had beaten me to it.

The Udderthorpe Paper-clip Engine story is fantastic, in my not so humble opinion, you almost had me believing it 8), a moving story of one hamster's noble sacrifice in the name of industrial progress. They ought to make a film of it.

*accepts the white wine and hopes it's chilled (and fizzy)*

What's with all those storys you refer to, Knit, where are they?

*Lion basks in the warm glow of unaccustomed praise*
Dear Knitbunny,
We seals do enjoy a good bask, and your kind words have quite made by day.
Of course you must place a link to the Shrine at your Space.
And whatever kind of enterprise you'd like to start here, you've got it. (That goes for all our friends and patrons too!)
If you've been thinking of a Fortune Teller, then lets do it! It would be a positive pleasure to evict Ms Coleridge. And frankly, we could call her contributions anything we like and no-one would notice the difference. I think the Candy Floss Stall might be appropriate.
Other Penny Arcade attractions the we're obviously crying out for include Punch-and-Judy, a What-the-Butler-Saw Machine and one of those peny-in-the-slot telescopes. But it's 'anything creative goes' as far as I'm concerned.
And anything willing to pay the franchise goes as far as a certain colleague and vandal is concerned. He is licking his wounds after a good thrashing with a broken cod-liver oil bottle. (See, Armitage got my creative juices flowing too. Do you think he might wander in here someday?)
The downside of the Udderthorpe Project is that Pinniped has taken your suggestion rather seriously and is now pestering innocent researchers with ludicrous proposals about setting up a film company. He has rather a lot of extras on his hands. (Incidentally, I've told him that he must close down the guerilla/refugee camp on grounds of excrutiatingly poor taste in the present political climate, but I fear that this kind of plea is merely an incitement to Pinniped. Moreover, he insists that there is no 'Real World' anyway)
The Mr Men is one of Pinniped's contributions, and extremely childish. I'm afraid I would have little sympathy if they confiscated your library ticket.
He's also added a poem of his own to the Shrines, and I have to admit that it's uncharacteristically thoughtful. If only the repugnant runt would apply himself, he might reveal a talent which would stand comparison with Coleridge's. (You didn't think I was going to say 'with mine', did you?)
So let's get back to 'echte' literary masterpieces, shall we? I threw the German adjective in just for you...
Shall we continue with the party?
*chink*

Very Truly Yours
Lion
(Zagreb and others : if you want to immerse yourself in these epics, just drill down from the links in my Space's top page. Sorry about the draught from all the open windows. The only piece Knitbunny mentioned that isn't linked is the Udderthorpe Paper-Clip Engine, which is loose among the Guide Entries, and copyright Steven Sealberg, whatever the BBC might think)

Okay, quick link time;

The Udderthorpe story is at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A640982
and well worth reading, the Mister Men story is at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A639605
and I don't care how childish and bad taste it is, I love it.

I read Pinniped's poem and I thought it was very moving. I'll have to think a little bit more about whether or not I really want to set up a fortune telling booth or whether my talents might be better suited to a punch and judy show.

Anyway, I thought this was supposed to be a party! Are we allowed to dance, or will that put our lives in grave danger? Only I thought I could hear some ominous creaking noises a minute ago

*Sticks "Panic" by The Smiths on the Jukebox*

Well, I'm dancin'

Hmmm...not sure about this dancing...(even less sure about the Smiths).
I think it should be OK, provided that people dance out of step, like breaking step when you cross a rope bridge, y'know?
So with Lion's dancing, we're all perfectly safe...

* A loud bellow emanates from somewhere nearby *
I heard that, you foul little piece of cetacean's ordure...

If we're dancing to the Smiths don't we just stand in the one place and sort of half-heartedly swing our arms about whilst bending our knees? That can't put us in too much danger, surely.

Hang the DJ hang the DJ hang the DJ...

Aaah...dancing to the Smiths...those were the days. We were genuinely lugubrious back then. None of this synthetic 'attitude' b*****ks you get nowadays...

Still, I digress (and they were absolutely crap anyway).

I'm afraid I took the bunting down. It was a mark of respect, you see. But you're all welcome to stay as long as you like, particularly since you're the only people who ever turn up.

Do you do riddles? No, not like that!...Urghh...

...I meant like "What's black and white and comes through the post?"

If you'd like to know the answer, EPR#4 is out at A642764 -Enter GoldSpeech.

Oh alright, be underwhelmed then. Where's the C-LO got to...?

P.