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Being a single mother...

Post 1

kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013

It has finally happened. I suppose I should be glad it has taken this long, t'Boy is 2 years 8 months and it has been on the cards since I was pregnant with him and has looked very likely since t'Other came along.

J has finally got a job role which will take him away from home from monday morning to friday evening. It will last until christmas - but these projects are *always* just for a few weeks when you start them. I was meant to be a vodkafone for 6 weeks and was there for nearly two years...

I know that during a normal week J isn't really any help with the boys, he goes out shortly after they get up and comes home either just before or just after I put them in bed, but he does often cook dinner so that I can have half an hour to catch up here or go on my cross trainer. It will be odd not having anyone to talk to for days on end, to do my little debrief on what the kids have been up to. And never being able to go out because someone has to be here with the children is going to be a real drag. Not that I go out that often, but even those rare occasions when I escape with my mummy friends are not possible now smiley - sadface

This is a good role for him, both in terms of the work and his career, and he is quite excited about working overseas as he hasn't done it before so I am trying hard to be pleased for him and be supportive without moaning. But I will miss him.


Being a single mother...

Post 2

Montana Redhead (now with letters)

Kelli, it's called a babysitter. They are available. Seriously.


Being a single mother...

Post 3

kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013

It is really hard to get sitters in the week, my family are too far away to do it easily. We do have a girl who sits for us now and again so will have to hope that she is free if we have a girls night out. More worried about all the evenings in on my own though!


Being a single mother...

Post 4

Sho - gainfully employed again

Oh dear.

Due to my smiley - chef working hours it used to be almost (but not quite) like that. After a while you'll get into a routine. After you have a routine going it will seem calmer and you'll have time to work out some kind of babysitting arrangement.

smiley - hug


Being a single mother...

Post 5

Teuchter

I agree. Having a routine is the thing.
The thought of it is daunting - but I'm sure you'll get into the swing of it.
Before we moved down here, Mr T had been working in the south all week and coming home at weekends for two-plus years. Admittedly, my children were a bit older than yours.
Friday nights were great. It was like having a honeymoon four times a month! smiley - loveblush

Let me know if there's anything I can do - am always happy to drink coffee and blether at yours, mine or Wisley.


Being a single mother...

Post 6

ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms

Rent out your house - find a flat near the new job and stay together?
Start calling us lot rather than awaiting our typing? Get an au-pair?

Teuchter - Wisley? RHS?


Being a single mother...

Post 7

Santragenius V

smiley - hug Think you're being both brave and supportive! Glad that j is happy about it - personally, I wouldn't & couldn't.


Being a single mother...

Post 8

Amy Pawloski, aka 'paper lady'--'Mufflewhump'?!? click here to find out... (ACE)

smiley - hug


Being a single mother...

Post 9

coelacanth

Across a week you'll have 3 evenings with him and 4 without. Look forward to the 3 and try not to focus on the 4. Actual single mothers have 7. Is he going to be able to call you on the evenings he's away? Are webcam chats possible? Or is there anything you've wanted to study but haven't had time? Take a look at correspondence courses and see if anything catches your interest.

And visit gardens with Teuchter!
smiley - bluefish


Being a single mother...

Post 10

Wand'rin star

If it does turn out to be longer than a couple of months, take the kids out to be with him. Until they're school age they can go anywhere. Mine didn't come back to England until their early teems. Good luck smiley - starsmiley - star


Being a single mother...

Post 11

kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013

Thanks all smiley - cheesecake

If it goes on for more than a couple of months then I will have started back at work and won't be able to go with him. Managing the day-to-day really isn't a problem, there is just the additional work of doing dinner every day so missing out on my cross-trainer sessions. If I can do big enough batches of stuff I will be able to eat the same thing over several days and won't have to do much cooking every day so it won't be too bad.

It really is just not having anyone to talk to of an evening that I'm not looking forward to. I think it is unlikely that he will call much, he isn't the sort of chap that rings and while they are away they are likely to work late most days then go out to a restaurant for dinner so he won't have much of an opportunity.

It isn't so bad, and like I said I've been lucky we've avoided it this long, but I still wish he wasn't going away. He'll have a better idea of the likely duration of the project when he has been there a few days so fingers crossed it won't drag on.


Being a single mother...

Post 12

AlsoRan80

Hi Kelli,

Huge smiley - hug and much courage.

Coelocanth entry 9 is full of good ideas which I endorse wholeheartedly. also Techuter

Go well, and congratulations to you both on the new development of his work.

Christiane.
AR80

2/11/09 13 40GMT


Being a single mother...

Post 13

Mrs Zen

See if he can rent a flat and then move all of you out there.

Seriously.

Oh, and make sure the boys get enough time with him - my father was working away from home through a lot of my childhood and studying at weekends, and as the youngest I just didn't get any airtime with him. I don't want to pull a pathos-stunt here, but let's just say I am glad that I saw a lot of him as an adult.

Maybe it's *why* I saw a lot of him as an adult...

How about starting a bookgroup and hosting the meetings, so you get intellectual stimulation, adult visitors and the chance to drink a couple of glasses of wine.

Definitely use IM, Skype, Web-cams and the like to keep the family in touch with itself.

Consider not going back to work, and moving to Brussles en famile for a while.

Ben


Being a single mother...

Post 14

Hypatia

Guess I have a different take on things. F traveled a lot. He was gone 3 or 4 nights a week for about 35 weeks a year for 20 years or better. And I loved it! We had great times when he was home, appreciated each other more, I think. But I also had "me" time when he was gone. Sometimes I went with him, but generally I was glad to pack a bag and wave goodbye. I nearly went crazy when he retired and was home all the time. Of course our situations are different. And I like being alone more than most people do.




Being a single mother...

Post 15

Spaceechik, Typomancer

Oh Kelli, a big smiley - hug for you and the boys, and J. Still, it might end of being an opportunity for him to realize he also misses *you*!

Friends of mine had to go through something like this kind of arrangement, during a time when G said she thought she and T were more roommates than a couple.

When T got back from Chicago (after 4 months, and they didn't have the $$ for him to come home more than twice a month), he told me he found himself asking questions about stuff like where his keys were and when was it again that he'd been in for the car-checkup? -- only to remember he was there by himself.

After all that, from this observers' point of view, the both of them ended up being more together when they were together, not as roommate-like. Just sayin'

As for the dinners, get in the habit of cutting up veg in larger than usual amounts, put half away, and crock-pot it with some chicken or chops the next day. That would leave you more cross-trainer time. smiley - smiley




Being a single mother...

Post 16

Spaceechik, Typomancer

Ben, "Definitely use IM, Skype, Web-cams and the like to keep the family in touch with itself.

Consider not going back to work, and moving to Brussles en famile for a while."

A couple of good ideas there, Kelli. The boys might get a real kick out of seeing Daddy on the computer...


Being a single mother...

Post 17

kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013

Hyp, we've worked in different countries before and it wasn't too bad, and like Teuchter said, Friday night reunions were lovely. But It just feels different now that we've got the kids, because I can't just decide to go and see friends, or go for a swim or something, and even though J doesn't see much of the kids through the week anyway I will miss the little debrief everyday. It is more the *potential* to just go out if I am bored that I miss, rather than the actuality.

He isn't available to talk to the boys while they are awake, which is a shame. If this was a weekends-included trip then I would seriously consider taking the boys there but I think it would be a shame for them to miss out on their lives here with their friends just to schlepp around a foreign city while daddy is at work - think they would drive me nuts if I didn't have the support of my friends too.

I spoke to him last night (I had to ring him...smiley - rolleyes) and he thinks the project won't overrun so that is good news smiley - ok That means this doesn't feel endless so I can just get on with it in the meantime. Of course we don't know where he will be sent after christmas, but will worry about that later. For now we'll just get on as normal and look forward to christmas smiley - cheers


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