h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi...
...um, yeah. I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but I just got the generally impression that you hated me.
Congratulations on the baby btw, I know its a bit late now but I was really glad for you when told. I know you'll make a great parent.
I want to apoligise for my behaviour from when we previously conversed on msn/aim, etc. I'm not as cynical and socio-pathic as is probably reflected.
Basically, Im trying to build metaphoric bridges here. I used to enjoy your company in the early hours of the morning etc and I know I abused your good-intentions at times. But supposedly, I have matured.
If you'd rather that I stayed passive from talking with you, then I'll understand. I hope you're doing ok and I hope you won't hold previous impressions against me.
Once again, Im sorry...

No, I don't hate you (nor have I in the past) Though I can certainly see why you'd think that, what with me disappearing so abruptly...

You do deserve an explanation, and you'll get one, but it will take longer to type than I have right now (need to get ready for w*rk) I'll be back later, and bore you with what will likely be a long post...

And thank you for the congrats I figure congratulations on my pregancy aren't out of date until PaperBaby arrives

Anyway... Likely this'll make no sense...

Basically, I disappeared because I couldn't cope, anymore. I was very very close to a breakdown. I was going to send you a link to journals showing this, but evidently, I kept it out of my journal, except for this F74902?thread=204279 (Probably said something in normal threads, but no way am I digging through that much stuff) I just... Talking to you in real time... Scared me. Mostly for your sake. Email I could have handled, I think, because I wouldn't have felt it urgent to reply immediately, or at least not as much so as on AIM or MSN. Here on h2g2 would have been fine. But I just could not handle the pain and anger of a person half my age... And knowing that you would stay up to daylight to talk to me, *when I could help in no way whatsoever*... So I ran. Great friend, huh? *snort* Well, I've never claimed to be. And then I was ashamed to admit to you that I'd ran. Stupid, I know.

And... I don't know if I'm ready to IM with you yet I *have* gotten a bit more able to distance myself from the problems of those that I can't do a thing for (Eesh, that sounds awful) NOT from the people themselves, but I *can't* let myself get that overwrought anymore. For the baby's sake, if nothing else. I mean, getting that stressed isn't that wonderful for *me*, but at least I'm fully developed and have some say on what I allow to affect me. But being stressed runs all sorts of hormones through your body, which also flood PaperBaby--and that could cause permanent harm. I haven't the right to harm him/her, if I can help it. Plus it's not exactly fair to Tom if I go 'round the bend... I'm wiling to talk here, or via email (you never did email me, even when I've asked you to before, but if you want to talk, and not on h2g2, then emai it'll have to be.) Of course, if you decide you don't particularly need to put up with a whinger with no *real* problems, whom you've done better (it sounds like) *not* talking to all this time, that's OK too.

?

But if you don't want to, then at least say so? I see you're online...

Oh...
Sorry. It's understandable of you though, I know I'm not the easiest person to converse with. And although I didn't reflect it in my speech, you did help me. The unjudging company was a nice enough rarity.
And putting the baby first is only right. You've probably been nagged umpteen times before by numberous people, but I hope you're taking it easy.


Although my general anxieties haven't ceased, I've learnt to supress them from public concern more, so I assume I'm easier to deal with as a person.

btw. sorry for long replies. Please dont take it personally. I just dont check h2g2 often. Plus, I've had a lot of coursework to churn through.

btw. sorry for long replies. Please dont take it personally. I just dont check h2g2 often. Plus, I've had a lot of coursework to churn through.

Well, like I said, email me if you'd rather My address in on my space (and is the same as my MSN contact info, if I'm still on your list)