Life, Flour Balloons, and Everything

Hullo. My name is Mr. Squidge, or if you're feeling hostile, squidgedom. Despite having the soul of a poet and a brain the size of Tiverton, I was born into Earth as a bag of flour with pipe cleaners for hair and stickers for eyes. I was bought by a young girl, who adored my blue skin, and unfortunately used me in a way that I felt was rather to pleasureable for her, and rather too horrific for me. I was forgotten, but ended up in her satchel. I was thrown around the classroom for a while, until envitably, someone took to me with a compass. I was henceforth binned. By a fairly small chance, a different group of students rescued me, and in a Frankensteinish act, 'fixed' me up. First I was merely wrapped in Sellotape, which I personally believe to be man's greatest invention. An evil creature, known to humans as Mrs. Brickell, the Music Teacher again threw me into the steel jaws of a waste basket. I was again rescued, by the same group as before, and hastily thrown into a locker. I managed to survive the weekend by taking an air pocket with me and breathing only when absolutely necessary. Come Monday lunch break, incidentally a charity non-uniform day, I was, shall we say, 'decorated'. Pieces of randomly coloued balloon were taped to me, and I was left with no hair and one eye. I felt rather dissapointed, but I was suprised to find that I had not been as badly failed as I first thought:- I was given a fantastic overgarment, nearly as indespensible as a towel. It is strawberry flavoured, with one hole at the bottom, and I believe it to be some kind of sheath. I was officially named the aformentioned formal name, a take on one of the cartoon crazes of the time, but soon my friends came to call me Mr. Squidge, a name of which I can be proud. I now reside in the bedside table of one particular student, where I feed on whatever jumk food he leaves lying about.

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Mr. Squidge

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