This is the Message Centre for paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Explaining my life

Post 1

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I talked to a clinician on Tuesday. She asked if I thought I had special powers. I was a little testy abut being asked that. Did she think I was bipolar or Schizophrenic? Absolutely not! I am not a special person who imagines great powers at his disposal.

But I do like to think I have good taste and an ability to enjoy beauty in Nature. I taught myself to be a pretty good amateur landscape gardener -- from 2014 through 2019 I made the trailer park where I live into a showpiece of beautiful plantings -- Alberta Spruce and roses and holly and peonies along the side of the entrance ramp, with three or four other gardens elsewhere around the park's perimeter. There are gorgeous little purple clematis climbing a trellis on the shed that everyone sees when approaching the main office. And a yellow rose bush in front of the office itself, along with dwarf evergreens in planters.

The place looked like a construction site or a prison when the tenants' Association first got ownership of the place. Now it looks elegant and loved. Love is what I think of every day. love of life, love of good food and music and other people (I dislike very few people, and wish I could get them to like me back. I think that most of them do. I'm afraid I want *all* of them to, which is impossible).

I like to laugh and tell jokes and entertain people. I sang for sixty years (can't do that much any more, but still love music). I want people to feel good if it can be arranged. Lately there are times when I'm, not feeling particularly good, and I regret it if their day is diminished by beholding the way I feel. I would correct that if I could, but I can't. So I am beginning to ask people to help me. My father was vehemently self-sufficient. Learning to accept help is one of the toughest things to learn.

I led a physically active life despite being in a sedentary job. Shifting books in the library, watering plants in the Park, swimming three hours a week, planting dozens of trees and shrubs (using the least possible effort if possible).

I lie in bed more and more now. I love to be in a compact home -- it's about 50 feet long and twelve feet wide. In cold weather, I can pace back and forth along the long end. It seems to be enough exercise to keep me in tolerable shape.

Even during my worst days, I have some moments of transcendent beauty and sense of purpose. There's a reason why I am still alive. I want to live as long as possible. Maybe there are some things I can pass along to younger people? I want to be of use as a mentor.

People asked me why their rose bushes looked so exhausted at the end of the summer. I said that roses have one purpose: to produce blooms. Once they've done that, they dial back their efforts so they can put something into their roots for the next season. They'll be blooming fine next year, surely.

I wish all my friends here at H2G2 and in real life the happiest and best lives they can have. I would love to be part of the reason why their lives are better, but I understand that that may be hoping for too much.

So, I just offer this simple explanation of what I think I was put on earth to accomplish. I never got to experience sexual attraction or love, and have tried to spread my love around to plants, animals, and benevolent wishes toward everyone. It's not enough (I'm too often unsatisfied with what I've done), but as someone who was born with a damaged kidney and stiff arteries that primed me for high blood pressure, I've been lucky to live past sixty. The last twelve years have been pure gravy.

Peace and love, everybody. I know I will try too hard to add value to every conversation here and elsewhere. But I'm an open book. Guile was neve rpart of my makeup. WYSIWYG.


Explaining my life

Post 2

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

For what it's worth you have enriched this hitchhiker's life. The things we have shared here on h2g2 are highly appreciated. You have a fine sense of humor not least because of a large portion of self-irony. This shines through even in your well elaborated poems.

It may be a little thing for you - so little that you may not even have noticed - but in conversating with you and our mutual friends I have learned significantly more English than I ever did in school.

Thank you! smiley - hug

smiley - offtopic


Explaining my life

Post 3

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

You are welcome. smiley - smiley


Explaining my life

Post 4

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Also, I don't know when to quit. I think I'm giving my all, but I may be straining myself. So, maybe I'm tougher than I realize. Or I'm making a mistake....

I should respect Dmitri more. Or treat him with the respect I really feel. But something dark inside me makes me treat him like a rival. I treated my brother like that, and never was able to get close to him, though he has some of the same nature that I have. Sibling relations are complex. smiley - sadface


Explaining my life

Post 5

SashaQ - happysad

Peace and love to you too smiley - hug

You are a good ancestor of ideas A87999782

I certainly learn a lot from you, as we have much in common even though we are from different parts of the world smiley - biggrin

Good analogy about siblings in h2g2 - often the case that siblings get on better when they are further apart, and h2g2 can feel like a small room sometimes. There are plenty of doors in the room, though - a wealth of archives, as well as the ability to create new Entries, journals and comments, so it's great to see everyone around smiley - ok

Thank you - look after yourself, and see you around smiley - tea


Explaining my life

Post 6

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Thank you.smiley - cry


Explaining my life

Post 7

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Oh yes, sibling relations are complex. I have four siblings. I initiated a mail correspondence between us a few years ago and it is very interesting how differently we remember and rate what I always thought to be our common memory. Turns out it isn't smiley - shrug

smiley - pirate


Explaining my life

Post 8

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I have an older sister and a younger brother.

My sister is about the finest person in the world, a perfect balance among intellect, empathy, and insight.

My brother is very fine, just in different ways.


Explaining my life

Post 9

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

"I don't know when to quit"
A Yorkshire-man's attitude! smiley - magic

I've 3 mates(friends) in America smiley - okyour one of themsmiley - smiley

NOT met yet smiley - sadfaceBUT! Proud t'know yah smiley - ok


Explaining my life

Post 10

Willem

Hey Paulh, I just want to say I appreciate being acquainted with you! I really want to give you more support ... it's just that it's hard here on h2g2, I have very little internet time and lots of different online things I need to attend to. Would you like to correspond with me by email? No big pressure, a mail or two a week ...


Explaining my life

Post 11

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Every aspect of my life may be compromised, but sure. If hackers can get into my computer, they can get into my email and manipulate it. They can read what I write on H2G2. If they put a wiretap on my phone, they can hear what I discuss with friends and relatives. I had a zoom meeting with a nephew. I mentioned that a word file was frozen. Suddenly it unfroze, right after I mentioned it being frozen.

That was not a coincidence.

Did someone make duplicates of a spare door key? That would explain a lot.

So, whatever quality of life I can enjoy is determined by someone else. Anyone can pretend to be a telephone psychiatrist and get me to reveal my psychiatric history. Remember, we don't meet face to face any more, but by telephone or video. I have video meetings with the doctor whop prescribes meds. Him I trust.

If I get a call from someone I don't know, how much sensitive data can I divulge? If I try to avoid divulging it, I can be faulted for mistrustful, which can be a psychiatric red flag. I usually cave.

So, I'm not in the driver's seat as much as I'd like. Drat my father! I inherited money form him, which made me more of a target for hackers and thieves.


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