h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

that's the best news I've heard all day

It may be the only good news you hear today.

It wasn't

I was quite highly praised for the casserole with red deer meat, onions, carrots, garlic, laurel leaves, salt, game stock and which had been simmering for five and a half hours and was served with a mix of mashed potatoes, celery root and carrots and garnished with cranberries cooked in syrup

But while we ate we watched our best team losing to an Italian team in a group game in the Champions League - and that was not good news of course

But then we had a traditional dessert with macroons and whipped cream, and calvados (brandy made from ) and forgot everything about

The oracle eats his supper dutifully but not enthusiastically.

But dessert is macaroons with whipped cream. Also chocolate chip cookies and apple pie.

Some philosophers say that you should eat dessert first.

Some philosophers say that you should live in the moment.

The oracle believes in listening politely to philosophers but then making up his own mind.

If it's a nice moment, it's well worth living in. If it's not, there's a limit to how much you should put up with it. Okay, that's probably not an Eastern approach, but the oracle doesn't give two figs. Think about it: if Eastern philosophy and lifestyle are so superior, why is so much of East Asia overcrowded, full of unbreathable air, and grateful for small portions of rice three times a day, while the West -- well, we know what the West has given to the world -- besides Trump, that is.

But to be fair, it's all one world, and the oracle would like to pick the best from wherever it may be found. .

Verse 8

Behold, the Oracle predicts a period of light, followed by a period of darkness. Then light again, then darkness. This is a time of year when, for some unexplained reason, the light lasts for a shorter tme than the darkness. Unless you are talking about the lights in your house.

Which you probably aren't doing, but the oracle will natter on anyway. Isn't it great to be an oracle?

I thought so!

Oops, that is the oracle thinks so.

The oracle goes back and rereads his past wisdom.

He sees that in late October he was troubled by the depredations of mice in his kitchen -- and living room, and pretty much everywhere.

It is now late January.

The gods of Amazon have answered the Oracle's call for help.

The Oracle has put traps in the cabinet where he keeps his breakfast cereal. Six mice got trapped there yesterday. They are now deceased.
\
Bow down and worship the gods of Amazon.

Or don't.

If you are a mouse, you may be pardoned for not doing so.

My dear friend, called the Princess of Gedser Odde (the southernmost point of the Nordic countries) has a sligthly bigger challenge: A rat.
A few days ago it managed to get all the way into the living room, where it chewed her hearing aid to pieces
She has now succeeded in closing all its entry ways and is aided by the local pied piper - alas, so far without any succes.

Does it raid her pantry? I use glue traps in narrow passages that the mice have to travel to get to my breakfast cereal.

She sees to it that all edibles are safely stored. Which is probably why the rat chewed on her hearing aid instead

There are traps in and around the house. She also has a dog, a terrier I believe. But so far it hasn't been able to get at the rat.

Hearing aids are odd things for a rat to eat.

That's what I was thinking. Maybe it smelled a bit like meat? (don't tell the princess I said that!)

Could also be the rat accidentally pushed it off the table and the dog chewed on it. Dogs are fond of things that smell of their masters and mistresses. Like slippers and shoes and clothing.

Our local kangaroo rats rarely get bigger than mice.

I'm thinking of using the current crop of survivor for target practice with a Daisy air pistol.

Meanwhile I'm also resorting to rat proof containers for the breakfast cereal.













o

I keep my flour in rodent-proof cannisters.