h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My upstairs neighbour thinks that she is Jessie J,
she loves playing her cd tracks,
and shouts hooray when she gets carried away,
playing on her sax and covering her slacks in wax.

Carry me away to Foamfleck Bay,
Where drunken dolphins play,
And the Sandman lazily hang-glides,
Gazing languidly at the tides.

I put my socks on the wrong feet
To show I love you
You're like a mars bar but twice as sweet -
There's no-one above you

The whatever poem

My upstairs neighbour keeps on shouting out 'whatever'
when she gets bored about talking about the weather.
She always tries to be clever by forever playing with her foot lever
when she's talking friends on the phone about Trevor wearing spandex leather.

This is the Journal of paulh
Nonsense verse; or the silliness of the iambs >>



Subject: Christmas 2011 in story and verse
Posted 16 Minutes Ago by paulh
Posting 1


The Christmas gift-planning session was going well: hedge clippers for Lonny, yarn for Grandma, princess dolls for little Grace.

“The Parkers in Fairbanks?” my wife said, frowning.

“A solar-powered snowblower,” I suggested.

“Too much snow, too little sunlight,” she objected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm Pehninda Yass
(Accent the first syllable).
My presence, alas,
Makes eggnog quite spillable

Fruitcake is sad
If I'm in the house.
I'm likely to add
Some bits of chopped mouse.

Even a dunce
Understands I bring woe.
I helped Santa once:
He stubbed his bit toe.

So hang up the holly.
String lights 'round the tree.
Be merry and jolly,
But don't ask for me.

I'd help if I could,
But I'm accident-prone.
I try to be good,
But I end up alone.

That's not good, so help, please!
Come decorate my tree,
And hang up a few wreaths.
You shall blessed be.

[Sorry, I only wanted to copy the poem, but ended up with the whole journal]

There are many rivers to cross to go and see my friend Ross,
who's a loss about what to do with his garden's moss.
Ross also loves to spread the goss about his friend Joss
who's great at playing lacrosse with their boss.

A green Christma was had by one and all.
The lawn is green in these parts local.
Pansies still bloom around hospitals tall.
I've flowers whose leaves weren't frosted at all.

Christmas is over!
Santa's on the dole
till next year
he'll have to lie real low
Santa's gone into hiding
from 10 million angry kids
so dont be bothering santa
next year with your xmas list

All I want for the New Year is a family of bears
who all stares at anyone wearing 70's trouser flares
walking down the stairs saying their daily prayers
so that they will win the party game of musical chairs.

I would also like to have a selection of silk headsquares
and in my garden this Spring I will have the sweetest pears
which I will sell on my market stall along with other home grown wares
and I'll be able to make lots of money with my stocks and shares.

This isn't much to ask.
It's quite a simple task.

I want to still be here
At the end of next year.

I have a good life right now,
Worth keeping. I'll try, anyhow.

I want a cup of coffee and some fresh air
To have the wind blow my socks dry in the sun
A maid, a butler, cook and footman too.
Clean air to banish slightly silly thoughts.
A kindly word, instead of a witty retort.
And of course i could do with a new pair of leather shoes.

Whoops!

the green grass blows away
never to return again
what is left is mud and dirt
in time turned into soft desert sand

when people leave a place
all harmony returns
the birds sing out
the wind performs her turns

but no one is there to witness
no one is there to pass on
only God in heaven above can smile
as his creations sing thier songs

I am the grass
I cover those who died in vain.
Pardon my gas.
I blame it all on methane.

Come here and jive with Clive
who feels alive after crashing his hard drive
because it's fun thing to do especially dressed as a nun
who's always out in the sun eating a currant bun.

Well forget about the price tag
on the blingest bag or the fastest jag.
So please don't brag on nag
about the stag who's always in drag.

So please forget about the money
because it can't make a rainy day sunny.
But life can be so very funny if your dressed as a bunny
eating the most expensive manuka honey.

Don't worry about the prices on the hi-tech devices
and any other of your other strange vices.
So please don't have a crisis when your in one of your strange disguises.
But life still can give you lots of unusual surprises when the moment arises.

Lets all come with Marty to the party,
where everyone's cool and hip
being so very smarty and arty
by giving a bit of lip when being but of a drip.

But they all sober up by consuming lots of food
and then put on their sorcerer's hood
as they call each other a cool dude
when they are all in a laid back mood.

They dip into the freshly made oven chips
which they dip into salsa and garlic dips
that gives them all bee stung lips
as they go outside to watch the lunar eclipse.

The Dysfunctional Family is giving
A party. It's miraculou they're still living,
As they stuff their turkey with mistletoe,
Served with roast sleighbells, as you know.

Maybe the they drink kill the germs,
And make their guts free of tapeworms.
Or maybe a guardian angel guards fools such as they,
So they survive to celebrate New year's Day.

Happy New Year to the cashier who's always full of cheer.
Happy New Year to the brigadier who's a big fan of Edward Lear.
Happy New Year to the space pioneer who's reached the frontier.
Happy New Year o the auctioneer who swings on the chandelier dressed as an Arabian Emir.

Lets celebrate the coming frost!
Lets raise a glass for Winter!
Lets ring the bells of New Year -
in the middle of the winter!