h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Talk the talk when walking around the block.
Walk the walk when rocking around the loch.
Skip to the sailing ship when uttering a humorous quip.
Go on a coach trip to a restaurant apricot soufflé whip.
Jump up and down when dancing the 70's disco bump
when meeting a grump who's sitting on top of a dump.

My comics got shipped to the dump.
Their loss in my throat put a lump.
No more "Arctic Circle,"
Or "Around home with Myrtle."
I sit on this ledge. Should I jump?

http://www.comicskingdom.com/trending/blog/2016/10/20/ask-the-archivist-right-around-home-with-myrtle

Oranges were never my thing
I only looted rich girlie bling
my sweetheart was happy
and I was her daddy
until she demanded a ring

The sky has turned a strange colour of yellow
and the green clouds are floating down to the ground.
The clouds are shaped like a violin and a cello
that emits music which makes listeners spellbound.
Time and reality are quickly rewinding back
to the time when I was living in Ashington as a 3-year-old.
I am with my nanna, who's giving me, my favourite snack
in winter, when the weather is lovely and cold.
As a child, I have all my knowledge and my skills
that I have gained as an adult that makes my life easy.
I enjoy wearing dresses with bows and lots of frills
and walks to the seaside where the sea air is fresh and breezy.

I walked to the sea with my cello.
You'll note that I painted it yellow.
The clouds all were green.
The gulls were obscene.
I hard all the walruses bellow.

"Stop" says the red light
"go" says the green
"wait" says the yellow light
twinkling in between

"Kneel!" says the demon light
with its eyes of coal
"Sauron knows your license plate
and stares into your soul!"



[stolen from the interwebs]

Go and add more Cornish ice cream
to your chocolate milk shake.
Add a banana to make it taste supreme
along with an orange flavoured chocolate flake.
It will inspire you to take part in high jinks
by dancing in a circle around your favourite tree.
Surrounded by sleepy cats that are having forty winks
and are dreaming about sitting on a human knee.

Will there be any rain in the early hours of the morning
and will there be a storm with lots of thunder and lightning?
Will the Met Office be giving out a weather warning
and will they say that the weather is going to very loud and very frightening?

it's raining like crazy outside.
I'm lucky I've somewhere to hide.
My rain barrel's full.
I'm gathering wool
While waiting for it to subside.

The train-yard was filled with demolished trains
that had laid waste over several days.
It was the aftermath of several hurricanes
where buildings and infrastructure were all ablaze.
All the cities and towns were laid bear with rubble
empty of all people who had escaped the commotion.
All the surrounding islands were in their own safety bubble
along with the islands in the North Sea and Atlantic Ocean.
They were boarding 64 USS Enterprise NCC 1701 J starships
that were travelling to the Star Trek universe colonies.
The refugees could watch ancient social media video clips
where they could travel to earth prime to do as they please.

With rubble my town was laid bare.
I saw captain Kirk in the air.
I said, "My home's gone."
He told me, "Hop on,
I'll have Scotty beam you up there."

All the nice girls love a sailor.
All the nice girls love a tailor.
All the nice girls love a tar
who knows how to play the guitar.
Bright and breezy, free and easy
who's puns and jokes are very cheesy.
He's the ladies pride and joy
who all eat chips with a saveloy.
Drinking champagne on a train
with quiche Lorraine to his friend Jane.

Nice girls who play the guitar
Are likely to go far.
They may drink champagne
With boys on a train,
And then make a wish on a star.

Nino and the guru are going to the fayre
while weaving in and out of the rye.
Skipping and hopping at night prayer
underneath the mackerel sky.
Dancing and prancing to a merry tune
in the Aberdeenshire village of Braemar.
Joined by the Scottish Highland Dragoon
that are being guided by the North Star.

My elevator goes to the Moon,
Where I meet the Scottish dragoon.
They're having a fayre
And doing it bare.
The sight would make most women swoon.

Michelle loves to grate cheese on her teeth
and add it to her boiled egg mayonnaise.
She adds jam to roast beef
which makes her feel blasé about maize.
She keeps on saying "a new broom sweeps clean."
and then talks about her millions of nephews and nieces.
She's always boasting about her family with the Oxford Dean
as well as her musical career with her new CD releases.

http://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=4062

Cheese kills the germs in your teeth.
Their names may be Tom, Pat, or Keith.
The sweets that you chew
Are quite bad for you,
As cavities they all bequeath.

There were three wise men of Gotham
that were telling jokes to a lamb.
The lamb could not understand them
which made the three men feel glum.
So, they both started winking
which helped their thinking.
The lamb gave a mischievous wink back
and gave out a laugh at their last wisecrack.
This inspired the men to wink again
and tell puns about the snow and the rain.

When lambs laugh, they make lots of gas.
It's awful, the stuff that they pass.
Let's feed them some cake
And lightly fried snake,
And then make them sit through a Mass.