h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Meeses in North Finnerland
are fond of Crocheting
they croch and knit
it's such a Hit
they hardly eat a Thing!

But come the Nights with Midnight Sun
it's quite another thing:
They feed on Grass
and Reindeer Moss
and stroll around and sing.

No need to wash plates that are bare.
It's hard to find food, there's none there.
I won't get too lean:
I'll have tea with the Queen,
Then eat my own words if I dare.

Mr. Big Stuff why are you always in huff over your frayed collar and cuff?
Do you still want to play blindman’s bluff when eating plum duff that makes you look tough?
Who do you think you are when driving your outlandish luxurious car as though you’re a superstar?
Do you want to travel far to visit a bazaar and even a bizarre wine bar?
Mr. Big Stuff you're never going to get my love when talking to a turtle dove.
So, if push comes to shove, I’ll spend my time painting a hollyhock and a foxglove.
Now because you wear all those fancy clothes which you bought in Melrose.
I have seen you frolicking in the meadow as you watch the crows as the wind blows and time slows.
And as you have a big fine car, oh yes you do now your living in Macaw where you ride in a horse drawn landau.
Somehow you can meow like a cat as you look up to the tree’s bough with thee and thou.
Do you think I can afford to give you my love when push comes to shove?
You look above to look at the dove hovering over the trees in the garden grove.
Now I know all the girls I've seen you with who have all created a monolith.
There are not interested in you as they all work as a silversmith and goldsmith.
I know you broke their hearts one after another now, bit by bit, by wearing a tartan kilt.
You make flowers wilt when eating banana ice cream split during Whit.
You made them sigh, when they have to learn how to fly, while others mingle with the alumni.
You notify them that you’re too busy as you’re now playing jai alai, when you’re holidaying in Versailles.
When they try to keep you happy, when they call you a happy chappie, you instead you rap when having afternoon tea.
They just try to keep you satisfied after you have had your contracts ratified.
The girls always find you in Hyde Park with your friend Clyde, who wants to play on the slide.
I'd rather give my love to a guy who's fond of eating blackberry pie.
I would even live in Ross on Rye where can I can play eye spy that keeps me spry.
To find a love that's true will help me pull through my West-End review.
I have a rendezvous with Hugh, Sue, Pru and Stu where we dine on steak fondue.
So, rather than to be fooled around and get hurt by your point of view about vindaloo.
Because when I give my love, I want love in return and an antique urn.
I yearn to learn to discern whether I should visit my friends in Berne.
Now I know this is a lesson Mr. Big Stuff you haven't learned on they way you spurned advice from your friend Wallace Burns.
Mr. Big Stuff You're never going to break my heart when I am driving in my go-cart.
You should see me eating a raspberry tart when I am in Stuggart and when I am deep in the woods painting a stag with a hart.
Mr. Big Stuff You're never going to make me cry when I am trying to tie my necktie.
I’ll fly away, like a butterfly as I say goodbye with the fae of Shanghai while eating fish fry.

A wealthy man drives a big car.
An angel might swing on a star.
A mouse does a jig
On the back of a pig.
A dress rides up on Jamie Farr.

Wolverine looking for Bub who's his imaginary friend

Hey, my name is Wolverine and I am the dancing queen.
I am good at what I do and what I do is not very nice.
I look like a teen and I am the first to arrive at the scene
as I fight with my metal claws and my fish slice.
I am looking for my very dear imaginary friend Bub
who keeps on going off with Deadpool and his friend Bob.
He’s always either at the night club or at the pub
when he explains on how he sobs over the kitchen hob over his lost key hob.
So along with the other members of the X-men who will go looking for him
as we try to get him home to Professor Charles Xavier’s mansion.
I will tell Professor Xavier that he always does this when on a whim
on trying to assist in the diverse mutant population’s expansion.

Storm and Dark Phoenix and I
Were hiding inside a large pie.
The blackbirds all sang
(They were quite a gang),
'Til Sauron our hideout did spy.

Well, look over there, there is Claire the bear, who’s seating in a chair eating a pear.
She lives in Dundee with Lee who’s wears a head square when working in Ayr
as an au pair and where she sells her own knitwear and a bath chair.
She's going on a shopping spree for a Wii that will fill her with glee by the quay
as she stays at an inn where she can shout whoopee when wearing a saree.
Well, she drinks fine wine at 9pm when waiting for a divine sign,
of frankfurters in brine by the River Rhine and the River Tyne.
She looks so sweet when swinging on a garden seat which is a treat
when in the front garden looking out to the street.
Well, have you ever seen a girl with a large curl who loves to swirl
when listening to a bagpipes skirl and a singing Merle?
A girl for whom your soul you'd give when she drives in a C5
and when she gives a high five with Clive who’s a member of the Borg hive.
Well, she really fills her clothes from head to toe with flowers from the meadow.
She’s goes with Joe, Flo and Moe who are sightseeing at a château eating a s’more.
She's so demure when she smells of myrrh and purrs at the chauffeur when drinking liqueur.
I love it when she can make it snow whenever she eats a fruit filled gateau.
She's all right when having a fight in the night with Bub the knight.
It gives me a sudden fright which fills her with delight.
Well, she's like honey from a bee that wants to be free when by the sea
as she wants to go back to Leigh on Sea.
She's got what it takes when using a garden rake around the lake
being chased by a drake and a snake that makes the ground shake.
Well, she's always making the finest tutti-frutti ice cream
that tastes like a dream when it’s made by a flowing stream.
She’s always on duty when painting the meadow beauty and the painted beauty.
She has an agouti as a pet who eats food that taste fruity
and can be quite snooty about sweep and sooty.

Stan Lee and Spike Lee and me
All sat in a very large tree.
A pine cone came down
In the shape of a clown,
And asked if we'd like some green tea.

Here comes Doctor Victor Von Doom riding on his Nimbus 2001 broom
attached with a purple plume that aided him in banishing all the world's gloom.
He is an extraodinarie sorcerer who use the most powerful magic spells
that has produced a Kodak bear that became a billionaire that emits fragrant smells.
Victor is able to increase the whole of the ice cover in the Arctic and Antarctic
and has become an ecologist shaker and mover in the month of Kartik.
Later on Victor goes and cools down the Baring Straits and the global temperatures
with the help of his mate Doctor Strange by re-arranging his furniture.

Victor Von Doom made it snow
In Cairo and also Hilo.
Date palms and Banyans
Were frozen in canyons.
The Sphinx had a frozen big toe.

Noctilucent nights that can create sky sprites.
Have you ever seen these Noctilucent nights?
With the soft summer breeze with Hercules
who can do as he please.
He talks to the trees about his favourite cheese
and his latest crop of garden peas.
Whistling tunes in a saloon in the month of June
with your friend Rocket Raccoon.
With Groot that you know and love so; who plays a bassoon
when wearing a multi-coloured bandeau.
Noctilucent nights, just as good even when you begin to soliloquise,
when playing eye spy, you give everyone a surprise
I apologise to anyone who says that the banks and brae
are the road to the highway to heaven with help of Beta Ray.
Noctilucent skies, have you ever noticed that the Noctilucent skies
as its precious beauty lies in its lows and highs.
Prized by weather watchers and meteorologists
that inspire them to co-exist when playing whist.
Just beyond the eye of the observer is the azure sky
where Shanghai-La resides, only seen by those with the third eye.
It goes running through your soul, during a leisurely stroll.
You extol the clouds beauty as you pass by the knoll
As you hear the gentle call of the Baltimore Oriole
Like the stories of old when the weather used to be very cold.
It would make the country folk feel bolder
whenever they were with their sheepfold.
That walk in the old land of Scotland where life was grand.
Visits to the park or the seaside promenade bandstand
at the island beach where the sea met the white sand.
People would come with their dogs when having a jog
and stop by nearby woods and sit down on a fallen tree log.
As they walked by letting their inner thoughts fly.
Imagining how it would like to fly high right up to the sky.
There are weeping willows that wept for joy
when they see humans create, restore and not destroy.
It felt so good when wearing a Jedi cloak with a hood
as they reminisced their past childhood memories of when life was good.
Seeing these Noctilucent skies, is so exciting
as it inspires all into more creative writing.
Watching people on the beach go kiting with the cold wind biting
as they become more insightful about the end to all fighting.

"Spanish Plume"

Convective storms are falling from your Spanish plumes
Please, please don't cry when bringing your storms
with crackling lightning and thunder that booms;
that impresses the Norms and those who wear platforms.
Soon you’ll return with warm winds that give sunburn
when bringing all the warmer temperatures that you can hold.
Cooler winds you will spurn as you do your summer turn
with your warmer temperatures increasing fourfold.
Please say si, that you will be coming over the sea
with electrifying storms that will be make a magnificent display.
Your Spanish plume will be waiting for me by the river Cree
by the abbey where there is a café where I will be having afternoon tea.
Red Spanish plume, you are the prettiest plume in all of Spain.
True Spanish plume, please smile for me once more before you go.
I will toast your memory with a glass of champagne on the Lorraine steam train.

There is much to be said about bunions
which you never would say about onions
but in common they have
- and I'm not telling lies -
they both can bring tears to your eyes

The tears about which speaks
Have flowed from my poor eyes for weeks.
The reason? This stew
Which I'm making for you
Requires the peeling of leeks.

Golden brown satin robes, slick like silk, made by Henry Wilks
He wears a golden crown when drinking joss-stick scented milk.
As Henry meditates calmly through the long night
along with the Baku in Maharashtra who’re having a fight.

In April I went to Assam.
The ashram, I hoped, would be calm.
The mountains were high,
And so was the chai.
The guru made love to my mom.

Wolverine, the dancing queen

You can dance, you can jive
You can prance with your friend Clive.
Having the time of your life,
When free from all worry and strife.
Oh, there goes Bub and Joe who are going
with the flow with Moe on the way to mow a meadow.
See that boy, watch that Wolverine
Digging the Dancing Queen who’s dressed in yellow and green
with his life model decoy who’s prancing in the canteen.
Friday night and the lights are low
Where everything’s parfait during the fight when the lights glow.
Looking out for a place to go where there’s a spectacular show.
On the hills and the meadows, there goes Joe and Moe.
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing,
dancing the Scottish Highland fling as they dance and sing.
You came to look for a monarch
Anybody could be that girl who likes to swirl eating a chocolate walnut whirl.
Night is young and the music's high
While everyone is eating blackberry pie when wearing a bow tie.
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
when drinking fine wine by the River Tyne at nine looking for a divine sign.
You're in the mood for taking a stance when your jousting with your lance
And when you get the chance for a fine romance in France.
You are the Dancing Queen
Young and sweet, only two hundred and seventeen
Dancing Queen
Feel the beat from the tambourine,
Eating the finest cuisine prepared by Eugene.
Eating an eel meal on top of a cartwheel that helps you to heal.
On a bended knee you appeal to Sabretooth for his bowl of cornmeal.
You can dance, you can jive when asking for cash in advance.
You work as a freelance fighter when exploring the Delphic Expanse.
You can glance at Lance who’s in a deep trance in his manse.
Having the time of your life, oh
Playing your banjo wearing a multi-coloured bandeau with a slow worm.
See that girl, watch that scene where everyone convenes in the limousine,
with a viscount and earl, who’s the fashion machine at the bowling green.
Digging the dancing queen who’s a digging a whole with the help of a mole.
You're a teaser, you turn them on
Dressed like Julius Caesar who’s got a luxury larder freezer.
You are friends with a geezer who has his own geyser
Leave them turning as they have a deep-seated yearning,
to learn about cheese making that includes milk churning.
And when you’re gone with Ron and Don to the front garden lawn,
as you yawn at a fawn, swan and gibbon all dressed in chiffon.
Looking out for another brother or any other who’s a glover.
You would rather become the next pantomime fairy godmother.
Anyone will do even a rare cuckoo or when you organise a secret rendezvous with Sue.

Larry, and Curly, and Moe
Were shuffling off to Buffalo.
They threw lots of pies
At Albanian spies,
And somehow got lost in the snow.

Spider-teen, Spider-teen,
Has been seen working with Wolverine
since Peter has become the dancing queen.
In between fights Spider-teen is at the top restaurant for haute cuisine.
He can spin a web, any size that gives the crooks a surprise
while he’s eating a bag of French fries and ham and egg pies.
Look out at the road roundabout that’s covered with Brussels sprouts
and a drought of stout.
Is he strong and is hair long?
Can he write a long romantic song?
Does Spider-teen ever wear a satin sarong when in Hong Kong?
Listen Bub, have you seen him at the pub
soaking with Agent Bob in the hot tub.
Peter has been seen a wearing a cloak and hood
when sitting down to eat picnic food.
Can he swing from a silver thread?
Can he bake scones and wholemeal bread?
Take look at him reading a tome book
when being chased by a crow and a rook.
Hey, there goes a grizzly bear dressed as the Lord Mayor
sitting in a rocking chair at the fun fayre.
In the chill of night where people who stare
at those who wear 70’s trouser flares selling unusual earthenware.
At the scene of a crime of a stolen rare dime
the thief begins to mime when the clock chimes nine.
Like a streak of light which frightens a fire sprite
and a Jedi knight along with a barrow-wight.
He arrives just in time to climb the wall covered in thyme
at Blenheim palace which smells like lime at the hour of prime.
Wealth and fame of being the pantomime dame
or at the baseball game where players make their name.
He's ignored as action is his reward and an organic cheeseboard.
As well as the genuine Gryffindor sword which he uses when he gets bored.

My Spiderwort came in the mail.
I planted it fast, without fail.
Then Spiderman came,
And we played a long game
Of catching the rain in a pail.

(We've had some fierce thunderstorms today, and another one is bearing down on us)