Drowning in a sea of impotent rage
Posted Jun 22, 2002
Hmm, where to begin. First the banal, my exams are going fine and I may even pass them. It's not over yet though.
Now the rest.
Key events (in chronological order):
1) Read Radio Free Albemuth - President Freemont turns out to be a communist and no different from anyone else.
2) Read lots of Hunter S Thompson particularly stuff on politics
3) Have to listen to horrid people rejecting anything outside their retarded 9-5 existence.
3) Read Dharma Bums by Kerouac
4) Read Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
To short circuit this list I will cut directly to the point. I am sick and tired of this society, and the western world. The need to get a dull conformist 9-5 job has worn my tolerance down and I am literally furious. I will not follow the road my parents did and accept security in place of living. If I look at their situation, my Mother is 18 years behind on the career she wanted because she took a safe, easy route. My father is in a job he hates with a passion and no real chance to escape it because of choices he made while he was shortly older than I am now. I do not want to live a half-life and die full of regrets. I want to do what I want to do and not what is required to get by. I could go on reiterating and rephrasing this point until I am blue in the face but the message is this "I opt out of your system".
I know that all I wrote above sounds like hollow, retarded hippie/beatnik rhetoric and I am unapologetic for that. I think that the Beats had the right idea, unfortunately their energy and momentum went against them and their force was dissipated and too many of their number opted right back into the system they were supposedly trying to destroy. Since then we as a generation and a culture have become horrifically apathetic and conformist. However none of this means that I can't plough my own farrow in the same manner as people like HST, Fugazi, Burroughs and so many others have. I know how naive this may seem but I have had milder forms of these feelings and ideas when i was in my naive idealistic phase. This time however I am enraged and repulsed and it will take a lot now for me to accept a quiet life.
On a slightly related note, I have begun reading about Buddhism alot and while I am far from becoming a buddhist I certainly find a great deal of it very interesting and I hope to learn at least a few lessons from Buddhism.
Well my vitriol is almost spent so I shall sign off and hopefully return soon, maybe not so angry but still as independent.
Posted May 26, 2002
Hmm, I haven't been visiting in anything like a regular pattern of late. We will see how things settle down during the Summer months before I make any Thairesque promises I can't keep.
First and most important Fugazi are touring. Oh man this is going to be cool. Unfortunately I have a damn exam on the date of one of their gigs. I am going to see Sonic Youth about two days later though so thats all right.
On the subject of exams I have too many and I shall probably fail them all. This has brought me to thoughts of dropping out and doing I don't know what. Maybe I'll sort out all my confusion at some point but who knows.
On a tangentially related point I plan to waste a while hanging out in Europe. My itinery at present involves Copenhagen-Prague-Berlin-Paris.
I can't seem to complete my dissertaion at present which annoys me no end, hopefully when I have less college work I'll stand more of a chance.
Anyway I will try and make some sort of meaningful return soon.
Posted Apr 19, 2002
Well I'm back for a day or two before I return to uni. Anyway I've just been to Egypt which was interesting : I climbed Mount Sinai and learnt to Scuba Dive and watched Seinfeld. A quick note buy the Dungeon Family album. Now. Go to a shop and buy it. Hey maybe I'll post an essay up soon (in a week or so). Depends on whether consumed plans to use it (or exist). Anyway I sign out for now. Maybe I speak later.
All things Brighton beautiful
Posted Oct 11, 2001
was one of the first signs that confronted me on arrival to this town (city I suppose) not the most auspicious of starts to be greeted by a bad pun. Anyway the rest of the time has been largely a blur of lectures and pieces of paper and going to obscure bars/clubs. My telephone line still hasn't been installed in my flat/room so I have been internet deprived. Other than that I'm having a pretty decent time. So there.
Posted Sep 9, 2001
I'm just going to say some stuff about what happened to me recently. Much like a journal...wait a second. Anyway I've been working on band related things at the moment, the chief and most important thing has been recording our second album which is going great and is very jazzy go to the sound in my lounge poota web page to listen to some. I've also been working on aforementioned web page. Anyway another thing I've been doing is trying to get the artwork done for our first album. So if theres anyone out there who wants to have a go then we'll consider it although we have someone in mind already.
In my few lesiure hours I have mostly been reading the collected stories of Philip K Dick for the last couple of weeks (it's a set of books in 5 volumes) which has been messing with my head somewhat. I've been listening to a variety of cds listed here :
Jayhawks - Hollywood Town Hall
Weezer - Pinkerton
Public Enemy - Yo! Bumrush the show
MC Solaar - Cinquieme as
Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty
Pixies - Complete B Sides
Camper Van Beethoven - Key Lime Pie
NWA - Straight Outta Compton
and some others I can't recall.
Finally I'm going to University in a couple of weeks and the normal university things apply for that (nervous/apprehensive/looking forward to it).