h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've just had a look at the Premier League - and Sheffield aren't in it! Bolton are, much to my surprise (no, they're not my home team, but I remember them as being second division in the days when the first division was really the first division). In fact, there are *no* clubs from Yorkshire in the Premier League.

Oh, I see Sheffield Wednesday in Division One, ahead of Bradford and Barnsley - even Blackpool and Stockport are there. Where's Sheffield United? Oh, they seem to be in something called 'English League Championship'! Please explain - I've no idea what's going on! Is there a division called 'English League championship'? Division Four seems to be Division Two. Is it so that they feel better about being not so good?

In simple terms...

What was the First Division is now the Premier League

What was the Second Division is now the Championship

What was the Third Division is now League One

What was the Fourth Division is now League Two

What was this marketing whizz-kid is now strung up from a lamp post, or would be if we could lay our hands on him

It seems a bit of a swizz, GD! It's a bit like teachers giving pupils awards for 'good behaviour', which someone once said to me is the type of award they give to pupils who aren't going to achieve anything by their brilliance.

No Yorkshire clubs in the Premiership? I'm amazed that no-one from Middlesborough has cried foul yet.

I work with a 'Boro fan. He reckons he's more Yorkshire than we are.
("Sheff'ld? Yorkshire? North Derbyshire Industrial Bl**dy Museum, more like!")

Is Middlesborough in Yorkshire, Pin? I always think of it as being near Durham, which I think of as getting on for Tyneside. OK it's Teeside. I'm confused.

http://www.thenortheast.fsnet.co.uk/Middlesbrough.htm doesn't help overmuch.

I suppose Middlesbrough was Yorkshire once upon a time. But I can't say that I know anyone who thinks of them being Yorkshire nowadays. And anyway, they all sound like ersatz Geordies.

Yourkshire never did quite know it's boundaries. N.S.E or West ?
North Lincs was always North Lincs to a yellabelly from just south of the Humber.
It would seem that rightly or wrongly things do get moderated without real justification one way or the other. Our's is but to question Why.

I quite like the spelling of Yorkshire .

Never thought of Middlesborough as being in Yorkshire, ever.

GD - are the Blades playing the evil Gunners - looking at your current nametag??

They are indeed!

Given that neither Kanu nor Marc Overmars play for Arsenal, and that Graham Poll is not likely to be the referee. There is now a reasonable chance that the Blades can win it.

Then I will be doubly happy as I dislike Arsenal with a passion and have many a Blades fan within my family (Dad's side. Mum's side are Owls. It's confusing for a child!)

No Graham Poll
By a strange coincidence, Neale Barry was in my class at school
Next time I see him, remind me to ask what was wrong with Cullip's header

It's going to be fun at the Lane.
One sour-faced Frenchman had better think carefully about his teamsheet.
Can't see too many of the shower he fielded today getting visas.

Fun indeed

Now after a nightmare journey back from Highbury - engineering works near Haywards Heath make a 50 minute train ride last three times that long - I'm off to watch the game on telly so I can actually work out what was going on!

But I'll close with a short comment - when we chanted "worst support we've ever seen", we meant it. These people are supporters of what is supposed to be one of the world's finest football teams. But they just sat there doing nothing; almost as if they were watching a game of bowls or the like. No singing, no passion. Disgraceful

Yep, just as I suspected. The crowd noise that was picked up by the TV was almost exclusively from the Sheffield fans.

There was "Chip Butty" song in its rightful place at the start of both halves.

Chants of "Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land" in praise of Warnock's decision NOT to go with an entire squad of foreigners.

"Are you Wednesday in disguise", well that happens sooner or later every time United take to the pitch

And a special one just for the gooners of "Same old Arsenal, always cheating".

As for the match:
- Bergkamp shouldn't have been sent off
- Reyes in the same incident should have been. Those gloves of his are a dead giveaway
- Fabregas should definitely have gone. OK so Monty is a bit of a Shirehorse as a player, but we would like him in one piece, thank you ver much!
- There was nothing wrong with Cullip's goal, so it should have stood
- Eboue should have gone for spitting at Tonge. No one in officialdom, including the camera, saw the incident. So he's got away with it.
- Senderos was a little unlucky to handle the ball. But he's got to learn that you don't go waving your arms around in the box when one of your opponents is about to blast the ball straight in your direction.

The cameras did get the spitting. It was very clear in the original screening. Presumably the Beeb got squeamish and cut it out.

Shame about Chelsea today. Not.

I think the only way for the weekend to improve would be a Late-Sunday-Night-Ferguson-Knighthood-Revocation-Scandal.