Journal Entries
To Sing or Not to Sing? What Is Going On, Here?
Posted Sep 9, 2010
I'm a bit puzzled (not unusual for me, I'm slow), so perhaps somebody could enlighten me.
Thanks to the 'news' I get whenever I switch email accounts, Susan Boyle, the UK singing sensation, was refused permission by a bad-tempered songwriter named Lou Reed to sing his deathless composition, 'Perfect Day'. (I have listened to this song. It is a yawn.)
This allegedly ruined a television show and caused Ms Boyle to leave the States, for which I, as a US-type person, would like to extend my sympathies. That was uncalled for. From the online chatter, I gather that this 'ban' on singing his song was the result of Mr Reed's dislike for Ms Boyle's singing.
Now, I have researched this brouhaha, as much as I can. Susan Boyle seems to me to have an irreproachable singing voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRr9KxO_nRc
Lou Reed, on the other hand, should arguably be requested to confine his vocalisations to someplace soundproofed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ88oTITMoM
(I've always enjoyed that song, but not for musical reasons. That is almost, but not quite, completely unlike singing.)
What I want to know is, what in Sam Hill is this business of refusing to let a vocalist perform your song? Not record it, mind you, but perform it?
Last I checked, those people on the television paid their ASCAP and BMI fees. If they do, that should constitute prima facie permission to sing any old thing, any way they please.
Writing a song is, in a way, work for hire. Once you've let it go into the aether, any fool can come along and sing it.
Or whistle it, or hum it. I'm imagining this scenario in future:
BILL is in the shower, bellowing away.
KNOCK ON DOOR.
VOICE: Open up, this is the music police!
BILL WRAPS HIMSELF IN TOWEL, DRIPS HIS WAY TO THE DOOR, OPENS IT.
BILL: What's all the fuss about, officer?
OFFICER HALUPKE: You were just now heard to be in violation of Article 42, Subsection D-, of the Pop Music Protection Act of 2010, to wit, that you did unlawfully hum, whistle, and/or bellow the following lyric: (CLEARS THROAT AND RECITES IN A MONOTONE): 'Never seen the sky so blue...'
BILL: And that's illegal?
OFFICER HALUPKE: Yes, indeedy. This is just a warning, sir, seein' as how it's your first offence, but watch it in future. Make sure your shower singing is public domain.
BILL: So it's okay if I sing 'Never saw the sun shining so bright'?
OFFICER HALUPKE (CONSULTS LIST): Only if Sony hasn't renewed the copyright. But I believe you are safe with Irving Berlin.
BILL: Maybe you should send that list to Susan Boyle. (HITCHING UP TOWEL) May I go back to my ablutions now?
OFFICER HALPKE: Yes, sir. But please warn that child in the backyard with the kazoo.
FROM OUTSIDE COMES THE STRAIN OF 'WE WILL ROCK YOU' ON A KAZOO. IT SOUNDS BUZZY, BUT BETTER THAN AT THE FOOTBALL MATCH.
EXIT DRIPPING OFFENDER
Ahem.
Many, many musicians have been known to ruin perfectly good classical compositions, from Spike Jones to the ELO.
I suppose the only retribution they need fear is being haunted - in which case, they'd better not do their singing on the SyFy channel. Or they'll have to call the Ghostbusters.
Discuss this Journal entry [72]
Latest reply: Sep 9, 2010
First It Was the Airlines, Now It's the Trains...Caveat Viator
Posted Aug 19, 2010
Ahem.
We all remember fondly the discussion (somewhere back during The Stretcher, I believe) of whether it was possible for people in the UK to board airplanes and end up on the wrong continent, due largely to their ancestors' habit of naming places for the towns they came from, such as, say, Washington...
For instance, there was the couple who wanted to go to Australia and ended up in British Columbia, that sort of thing - I even remember a case where somebody went to Costa Rica instead of Puerto Rico.
But this takes the cake.
Now the European TRAINS are going to the wrong countries.
Sunday night, about a hundred people got on a train for Milan - and ended up in Zurich.
I'll bet they were mad. I know they got their money back.
The Spanish and French seem to have engineered this fiasco.
What I want to know is: Is this just proof of the old German saying, 'Nomen est omen'? [This means, 'The name gives you an idea.']
You see, the train was called...
...wait for it...
...the Salvador Dali.
A triumph for Surrealism. 
Read more here: http://uk.travel.yahoo.com/p-promo-3359588
Discuss this Journal entry [37]
Latest reply: Aug 19, 2010
Seek and Ye Shall Find
Posted Aug 18, 2010
Yesterday was really hot. Hot and humid. And it was a crazy day, from the call Elektra got to go into work on an off-day and at an odd time (early afternoon), until 10 pm, when we finally got the groceries stowed away and sat down with a sigh.
Right in the middle of it, Elektra the absent-minded pulled one of her patented tricks.
We were about to go to the grocery store when she wailed, 'I can't find my keys!'
I sighed. 'Okay, did you have them when I picked you up from work?'
'Yes.'
'Did you have them when we came in the door?'
'Yes.'
'Are they in your trouser pocket?'
'Nope.'
'Are they in your bag?'
'Nope.'
'Did you learn anything from losing your wallet on holiday last week?'
'Nope.'
Sigh. Okay, let's hunt. Fortunately, I'd been home cleaning, so the place was tidy, facilitating search mode. I looked everywhere: on the bed, behind the bed, under the bed. In the medicine cabinet (you never know, with Elektra), on top of the stove...
I was just suggesting that she look in the garbage, when I glanced at the kitchen table - and inspiration struck.
There sat Clancy - over 20 pounds of orange cat, on a veterinarian-ordered diet and unhappy about it. Lifting the meowing feline with a grunt, I exposed rather a lot of ceramic-tiled tabletop...
...and a set of keys, plus long lanyard. Completely obscured by Clancy. We could now move on.
I don't know what we learn from this. Just saying...
Discuss this Journal entry [110]
Latest reply: Aug 18, 2010
An Open Email to the Hot Summer Masses - Please Forward
Posted Aug 15, 2010
I can understand why the Anti-Defense League asked Muslims not to build a mosque two blocks from "Ground Zero" in New York City. It doesn't mean they're hating on anyone. They just have experience with suffering and memory. They felt that putting up a religious institution so near a place that has become a shrine to pain is asking for it. After all, we all felt that the Carmelites shouldn't put up a convent near the gates of Auschwitz.
I'm absolutely sure that those Carmelite nuns thought, "Why not? We lost people. We are involved here. We have the right to worship God here."
But I am also sure they realised that not everyone saw it that way, and that other people might consider the presence of a Catholic monument in that place to be an affront to their need to mourn.
So I'm not mad at the Anti-Defense League.
And I understand why Mayor Bloomberg took the opposite stance—to wit, that religious freedom is important. Amen, brother. First you burn books, then you burn people, remember? I'm proud of him for saying, "...there is no neighborhood in this city that is off-limits to God's love and mercy..."
So I'm not mad at Mayor Bloomberg.
And I understand why the President is waffling. He's a politician with a varied constituency, and it's his job to keep things calm. He wants to support religious freedom in a pluralistic society, but he doesn't want to fan the flames of knee-jerk infantile behaviour on either side. After all, somebody might get hurt, and there's an election coming up.
So I'm not mad at the President.
So who am I mad at?
To begin with, I am mad at every single one of the 10,000 people who showed up to protest the building of the mosque in June. That's too many people in one place. That's too much protest against something like that. That's inviting violence and hate. Stay home.
http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c60bf53ef0133f09c3c6e970b-500wi
Next, I am mad at people who make their livings stirring up "controversy" to sell soap on television. This includes you, Mr O'Reilly, and you, Ms Palin, and all you people with the stale tea bags. It would include name-calling liberals, but they don't have a news network that I know about. I'll just say it includes the Huffington Post if they say ugly things.
(Although the guy in the Huffington Post amused me when he pointed out that they were saying, "13-storey building" as if a structure that size were a big threat. In New York City.)
Finally, I am mad at a person named Joseph Nassralla, whom I have never met. Not because he is a Coptic Christian and glad for the religious freedom in the US. He's entitled, and welcome. I understand that he had problems at home.
You'd think I'd be sympathetic to him—I like Copts, as a rule, and if they're being persecuted, I'm on their side. And you think I'd be sympathetic to the fact that he and his friend were almost attacked by this rabid mob for the sin of speaking Arabic in public, and had to be rescued by the police. Nope. No sympathy here. Why? Because Mr Nassralla then said it was no big deal, just a misunderstanding. He and his companion were there to protest the mosque, too—the others just didn't know it.
No, Mr Nassralla. That sort of behaviour is NOT a misunderstanding. It is exactly what your "friends" want to have happen—Us vs Them, big-time, and no quarter given.
Those people are not your friends, Mr Nassralla. Not unless you're into witch-burning. It's simple: We don't like Mssrs X,Y, and Z. But we are afraid of Mssrs X, Y, and Z. They have guns, maybe. So we go after Mssrs P, Q, and R—and their minor children, if possible.
Of course, "innocent" bystanders—such as fellow-protestors who happen to fit the profile—sometimes get onto the collateral-damage list. Oops, sorry about that.
So that's who I'm mad at. And no amount of infotainment is going to change that.
Now, who am I NOT mad at? Anybody who doesn't think "Love thy neighbour" is copping out.
At this point, I'd like to ask for a moment of meditation, and a quiet listen to this, one of my favourite songs. A whole five minutes' worth of peace-mongering:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD4eS2Xb6Ls
As a Hootooer intelligently said, "Explosives are never an answer." The big hole in Manhattan is a question we haven't answered yet—at least, not to anybody's satisfaction.
Discuss this Journal entry [111]
Latest reply: Aug 15, 2010
It's Official: We May Be Lazy in North Carolina, But Think More Than They Do in Arkansas
Posted Jul 27, 2010
This just in, folks: The Centers for Disease Control and the US Bureau of Labor (sic) Statistics have done their studies, and it's official.
North Carolina is the fourth laziest state in the US. We are ahead of Arkansas, Mississippi, and Louisiana, in that order, in terms of actual activity. (The fact that I guessed two out of three of those states astounded Elektra, but I know my neighbours and relatives.)
According to the figures, we work an average of three whole hours a day. (I would slow down, but then we might fall behind Arkansas.)
I understand why the Bureau of Labor (sic) Statistics would want to know this, but what the CDC is doing with this information I shudder to imagine.
According to the study, we spend 8 hours a day sleeping (check), nearly three hours watching TV (sometimes), and nearly an hour socializing (does h2g2 count?). One-fourth of us do NO physical exercise at all.
'Honey, since you're headed for the kitchen, could you bring me a Coke, pretty please?'
Ahem.
The cool thing is, we spend a whole 25 minutes a day - just *thinking*.
To repeat: WE SPEND MORE TIME THINKING THAN THEY DO IN ARKANSAS.
Aren't you glad you know us, Hypatia?
Okay, enough about bubba power.
I need to go back to my interrupted work - I haven't done my three hours' worth yet - and I've almost used up my allotted quota of thought for today.
I might run the state into a cerebral deficit.
Discuss this Journal entry [27]
Latest reply: Jul 27, 2010
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